Archive for February, 2009

28
Feb
09

twat of the week

"TWAT OF THE WEEK"

"TWAT OF THE WEEK"

Mr Monkey should have known that finding a ‘Twat of The Week’ was always going to be difficult once this picture of David ‘Birdman’ MacLean appeared, CLICK HERE. 

What this chimp didn’t realise was that there would be so many twats worthy of the title.

Contenders for this coveted award are:

  • Karen Allen - for thinking a Tory has a chance of getting elected in South Shields.
  • John Szymanski - for handing over editorial control of the Shields Gazette to his paymaster Iain Malcolm.
  • The King of Sleaze, David Potts - for presenting the Tories budget whilst pissed.
  • ‘Big’ Ed Malcolm - for confirming what the world already knows; he’s a blithering, stuttering idiot with the intelligence of a slug.
  • The Patron Slut of Sailors, aka Audrey McMillan - who this week realised there’s no local election until 2010.
  • Wilma Waggott, aka Linda - for remembering she represets Boldon Colliery and not Bede.
  • Victor ‘is anyone home’ Thompson - for remembering what day of the week full council is held on.
  • Mr Miserable, aka Tom Defty - for confirming what everyone knew, he’s joined the Real Independents because George ‘Red Rum’ Elsom promised to pay for his Christmas cards.
  • Vodka Lil, aka Eileen Leask - for listening to council leader Iain Malcolm who convinced her to resign as a governor of Bamburgh School.

and the winner is .. Big Ed Malcolm.

28
Feb
09

The return of the monkey

After spending a couple of days with his family Mr Monkey’s feeling relaxed, refreshed and raring to go.  

It seems this chimp has missed all the fun and games, especially at Thursday’s full council meeting.

Apparently the King of Sleaze, Tory Boy Potts made a right twat of himself with his ill thought out budget proposal. One of Mr Monkey’s sources reckons Pudgy Face’s pathetic performance might have been alcohol related – apparently he was stinking of drink, but more of this later.

Don’t worry bloggers it wont take long to catch up with what’s been happening, especially with so many loose lipped politicians ready to tell Mr Monkey anything after he’s bought them a pint or two.

26
Feb
09

Other things to do

'Happy birthday mam'

'Happy birthday mam'

Sorry bloggers but posting has taken second place today because Mr Monkey has spent the day at the metro centre with his mam who celebrates her 80th birthday tommorrow.

Tonight Mr Monkey is hosting a family get together – so he won’t be posting again this evening.

Mr Monkey is unlikely to post tommorrow as the monkey clan are spending the day at a country hotel, but normal service should resume on Saturday.

26
Feb
09

Thanks patricia

Patricia – Mr Monkey has your e-mail details and will be in touch.

26
Feb
09

Aunt Sally Speaks!

'Aunt Sally scares anyone but Big Ed Malcolm'

'Aunt Sally scares anyone but Big Ed Malcolm'

Big Ed Malcolm’s scarecrow councillor Olive Punchion, aka Aunt Sally is not the dumb bitch she’s made out to be. At least that’s what the council’s press office would like you to think. 

According to this article that appears in the local snooze paper CLICK HERE Biddick Hall, Whiteleas and West Harton is the latest area to get its own Police and Community Together (Pact) forum and Aunt Sally had this to say,

“The council works closely with the police and other partners to tackle crime and anti-social behaviour, but we can achieve nothing without the involvement of those who matter the most – local residents.” 

Anyone who knows Aunt Sally will tell you that this crap cannot have originated in her favourite cornfield (more of this later) because the old scarecrow is just not capable of churning out such words of wisdom.
Thank heavens for the council’s press office, the local Labour party would be lost without it. 
25
Feb
09

Vodka Lil Hits the bottle

Vodka Lil, aka councillor Eileen Leask, the other Labour stooge for Horsley Hill has resigned as a Governor at Bamburgh Special School – apparently for ‘personal’ reasons.

Mr Monkey has been told that Iain Malcolm played an absolute blinder by timing his announcement of a change of heart on the SEN review with Vodka Lil’s resignation and this chimp reckons Vodka Lil is set to be Miss Piggy’s scapegoat.

Sources close to council leader Miss Piggy have told Mr Monkey on many occasions that Vodka Lil will be sacrificed at the next election and is likely to be replaced by the 5 times married Arthur Meeks who lost his seat to Indy councillor Gordon Finch.

Parents at Bamburgh are already angry with councillor Leask who they believe has sided with Miss Piggy and his Labour piglets. Apparently the pressure has got to this vodka slurping bitch and she’s been conned into believing she’s better off out of it. She’s been told it will improve her election chances and the stupid twat believed it.

Mr Monkey would like to remind Vodka Lil that the only person her resignation will help is Arthur Meeks who Iain Malcolm is determined to bring back in to the fold.

25
Feb
09

Comment Moderation off

Comment moderation has now been switched off so our comments are visible.

Thanks to everyone who to took the time to contact this chimp – you’ve given him some excellent leads.

Special thanks to Don, Bob, Linda, Cathy and Phil.




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