17
Feb
09

Bilbo Loves Ping Pong

'Mayor Baggins loves his ping pong'

'Mayor Baggins is considering using his mayor's allowance to buy himself a momento of his visit to the Flying Scotsman'

Last week Mr Monkey revealed how some South Tyneside councillors love nothing more than an away-day to London, especially if there’s a chance to pop in to the Flying Scotsman to watch some dirty tart strut her stuff; all for a bit of loose change, CLICK HERE 

Mr Monkey recalls a story he heard in the members lounge about soon to be mayor Bilbo Baggins, aka councillor John Anglin.

Apparently Bilbo had been in London for the day with a few of his cronies including Shrek, aka councillor Gibson and his Donkey, aka councillor Sewell when they decided to call in to their favourite watering hole for a quick drink fanny farm to see what tasty morsels were on the menu.

As soon as they entered this perverts paradise, they were approached by a rough looking Eastern European slapper, who even Shrek wouldn’t shag.

Luckily for Bilbo, this lass took a shine to him and kept shaking her empty pint glass at him – she was after a bit of loose change so she got get her kit off and perform her party trick. 

Bilbo quickly obliged and before he could say Gandalf, this dodgy slapper was on the stage dropping her draws and flashing her fanny for all to see.

Bilbo had never seen anything like it before and his glasses steamed up so quickly, Shrek had to provide him with demisting cloth – but the best was still to come.

Apparently Hobbits love ping pong and somebody had told the star of the show. No sooner had she finished exercising her fanny, she appeared with a box of ping pong balls.

This Queen of Sleaze crouched down, opened her legs and loaded her fanny with the full box of ping pong balls. She then turned towards Bilbo, gave him a quick wink and started to fire them in the direction of this ecstatic hobbit.

By now, Bilbo’s glasses were so steamed up he didn’t realise that he was being hit by ping pong balls and his suit was getting covered an unusual substance with a familiar odour.

It was only when Shrek and Donkey picked him up off the floor and helped him to the train for the journey back to Newcastle did he realise what he’d done.

This is when the guilt set in as he wondered how he’d explain the staining on his suit and the whiff of a kipper to Berylla Baggins, aka Chris Anglin.

Mr Monkey reckons the mayor’s secretary will have to keep an eye on the mayoral chains just in case Bilbo is tempted to swap the golden balls for the more familiar fishy type.


4 Responses to “Bilbo Loves Ping Pong”


  1. 1 Fishermans Friend
    18/02/2009 at 09:31

    Rumour has it that after reading this story, Ping Pong Potts stuffed his little table tennis bat into the front of his diaper, booked a first class rail ticket (at out expense) and headed off to London ASAP. The man won’t miss out on any “kipper and ball” action, especially to Curlys long lost brother, “Anglin the Angler”, a man who will also fish in any river.

    You have to feel sorry for the fisherman though – his days on the trawler are numbered. Being a resident of the Beacon and Bents Ward, he’s about to be gutted by the Independents in 2010. Hence the deputy/full mayor position – that was his reward for being a good little party gnome.

    Anglin is or course no stranger to “fishy situations”. Some years ago he was involved in opposing the issuing of a licence extension to a certain town centre outlet, yet the same week supported the issuing of an exact same licence to another watering hole not a million miles away from the first business.

    The fact that Anglin was seen drinking copious amounts with the successful applicants (both before and after the event) had nothing to do with his biased decision.

    The fishy smell around Anglin isn’t kippers Mr Monkey, its the smell of that other well known South Tyneside fish, corruption.

  2. 2 Reuters News Agency
    18/02/2009 at 09:36

    A news story has just landed on my desk Mr Monkey. Any chance of comment moderation tonight, say between 8.00 p.m. and 8.30 p.m.

  3. 3 Mr Monkey
    18/02/2009 at 13:48

    Comment moderaton is now on until midnight, so if you’ve got anything to say do it now and only Mr Monkey will see your comments.

  4. 4 Sir Michael Lyons
    18/02/2009 at 22:48

    Dear Mr Monkey,

    As the chairman of the BBC, I feel it very important to expose the misuse of tax payer’s money by councillors at venues such as the ‘Flying Scotsman’.

    To make sure this is not a conspiracy, (and for investigative purposes) I would like to check it out myself and spend a few hundred quid of taxpayer’s money on loose women and vodka at the said establishment.
    I note from your posting the building has a ‘small frontage’, next to Kings Cross.
    I do hope this does not reflect on the hostess’s physique.

    If my research uncovers poor value for tax payer’s money, I will of course send in
    an undercover team of ‘crack’ reporters. Otherwise you can all fuck off and I will
    use my expenses how I see fit.

    SML


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