Last week Mr Monkey revealed how some South Tyneside councillors love nothing more than an away-day to London, especially if there’s a chance to pop in to the Flying Scotsman to watch some dirty tart strut her stuff; all for a bit of loose change, CLICK HERE
Mr Monkey recalls a story he heard in the members lounge about soon to be mayor Bilbo Baggins, aka councillor John Anglin.
Apparently Bilbo had been in London for the day with a few of his cronies including Shrek, aka councillor Gibson and his Donkey, aka councillor Sewell when they decided to call in to their favourite watering hole for a quick drink fanny farm to see what tasty morsels were on the menu.
As soon as they entered this perverts paradise, they were approached by a rough looking Eastern European slapper, who even Shrek wouldn’t shag.
Luckily for Bilbo, this lass took a shine to him and kept shaking her empty pint glass at him – she was after a bit of loose change so she got get her kit off and perform her party trick.
Bilbo quickly obliged and before he could say Gandalf, this dodgy slapper was on the stage dropping her draws and flashing her fanny for all to see.
Bilbo had never seen anything like it before and his glasses steamed up so quickly, Shrek had to provide him with demisting cloth – but the best was still to come.
Apparently Hobbits love ping pong and somebody had told the star of the show. No sooner had she finished exercising her fanny, she appeared with a box of ping pong balls.
This Queen of Sleaze crouched down, opened her legs and loaded her fanny with the full box of ping pong balls. She then turned towards Bilbo, gave him a quick wink and started to fire them in the direction of this ecstatic hobbit.
By now, Bilbo’s glasses were so steamed up he didn’t realise that he was being hit by ping pong balls and his suit was getting covered an unusual substance with a familiar odour.
It was only when Shrek and Donkey picked him up off the floor and helped him to the train for the journey back to Newcastle did he realise what he’d done.
This is when the guilt set in as he wondered how he’d explain the staining on his suit and the whiff of a kipper to Berylla Baggins, aka Chris Anglin.
Mr Monkey reckons the mayor’s secretary will have to keep an eye on the mayoral chains just in case Bilbo is tempted to swap the golden balls for the more familiar fishy type.