20
Jun
09

is the member for jarrow a peckish plonky?

'The memebr for Jarrow thinks the taxpayer should pay for his grocery bill'

'The memebr for Jarrow thinks the taxpayer should pay for his grocery bill'

It seems Jarrow MP Stephen Hepburn loves nothing more than a free feed and piss up at the taxpayers expense – maybe it’s a legacy from his days of being a South Tyneside councillor.

According to the Parliamentary expenses published yesterday, Mr Hepburn thinks that the taxpayer should pick up his grocery bill and he sees nothing wrong in claiming around £75 per week for food – last year the greedy bastard managed to fuck the taxpayer to the tune of £3,850 for his food bill alone.

His expenses also show that he claimed £450 for a washing machine and nearly £500 for a digital camera – which by coincidence happened to be bought a couple of weeks before Christmas – Mr Monkey reckons somebody probably got a canny Christmas present.

Mr Monkey also reckons that the taxpayer has been paying for his drinking habit under the guise of petty cash. Examination of Mr Hepburn’s claims reveal that he claimed £250 a month for ‘petty cash’. This is the monthly limit allowed and there’s no requirement to submit receipts.

This chimp can’t help wondering how he managed to claim exactly £250 month after month unless of course he was milking the system to feed his boozing habit – he can often be found on a Sunday afternoon pissed up in the Clock in Hebburn.

Maybe he should take a leaf out of David Miliband’s book and pay some of the money back?


3 Responses to “is the member for jarrow a peckish plonky?”


  1. 1 Deep Throat
    20/06/2009 at 22:07

    FACT

    Hepburn plays for the House of Commons football team, frequently travelling out side of the UK i.e. he gets free tickets for World Cup, Euro Champs etc

    FACT

    He has been out of the country over the last couple of years i.e. the last 4 years

    THEREFORE

    Did he claim his £400 for food (that’s a mighty belly Mr Hepburn), his £160 cleaning bill (that’s a mighty dirty belly Mr Hepburn) when he actually wasn’t at his London condominium?

    Did he claim his full Council Tax – when he was in fact out of the Country i.e. it should have been reduced?

    Did he also claim his full allowances when he was in fact living at “The Clock” Jarrow i.e. when parliament was in recess?

    THE DEVIL IS IN THE DETAIL!

  2. 2 London Labour Member
    24/06/2009 at 16:40

    Well when he’s down at Westminster Hepburn can always be found in the Sports and Social Club, letching after a young researcher. My boss always goes there to ensure Stevey signs his Early Day Motions. I can’t believe the people of Jarrow have elected such a piss head. You’re paying for every pint he sups.

  3. 3 Red Robbo
    24/06/2009 at 18:13

    I also notice that it is evident Saddam Hepburn has increased the girth of his lower face,,,,,no doubt the next stage is to grow a beard to hide the extra weight ???


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