Archive for the 'Audrey McMillan' Category

22
May
09

Labour councillors paid almost half a million pounds

Its Labour’s turn to face Mr Monkey’s how much do they cost the taxpayer test.

When bloggers look at the figures it’s easy to see why so many Labour stalwarts have been around for so long. No wonder they squeal like pigs on the way to the slaughter house when they face the prospect of being dragged away from the trough.

Mr Monkey also reckons that this is why their lives are decimated when the electorate kick them out and why so many of them try and grab someone else’s seat on the council. This is the only way they can get their snouts back in the trough – there’s never been any honour amongst thieves especially when it comes to money.

Here are some of the highlights from The Labour Greed List,

• Coun Iain Malcolm made the highest claim at £32,435 (£623.75 a week)

• Coun Alan Kerr claimed at £23,319 (£448.44 a week)

• Coun Ernest Gibson claimed a record £4,932.27 for travel and subsistence

• Coun Rob Dix treated himself to a new BMW when he was elected. This delivery driver receives an annual boost to his salary from the taxpayer of around £14,000.

• After replacing Paul Waggott as leader of the council, Coun Malcolm promptly put the boot in by not giving Coun Linda Waggott a place at his trough. She was the only Labour councillor not to receive a special responsibility allowance.

Mr Monkey was staggered to learn that almost half a million pounds of taxpayers money was paid to just 31 Labour councillors and for what? Most of them can’t string a sentence together and couldn’t care less about the people they represent, that is until it’s time for their re-election.

The cost of each Labour councillor to the taxpayer in 2008 – 09 was a staggering £15,029.83.

Name

Allowance

Travel

Subsistence

Total

Weekly Cost

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anglin, J

11,760

-

-

11,760

226.15

Bell, J

16,464

-

-

16,464

316.61

Boyack, P

13,833

691.25

152.33

14,676

282.23

Brady, W  E

16,464

-

-

16,464

316.61

Clare, M H

16,464

-

-

16,464

316.61

Dix, R

14,112

-

-

14,112

271.38

Dixon, T

15,352

1,566.80

315.62

17,234

331.43

Donaldson, A

8,168

-

129.63

8,297

159.55

Foreman, J

16,464

800.15

214.01

17,478

336.11

Gibson, E

16,186

3,431.90

1,500.37

21,118

406.12

Hanson, T

16,464

-

-

16,464

316.61

Kerr, A

22,408

733.47

177.63

23,319

448.44

Leask, E

14,112

-

-

14,112

271.38

Lewell, E L

11,760

-

-

11,760

226.15

Malcolm, E

16,464

1,253.10

605.91

18,323

352.36

Malcolm, I

31,817

239.00

379.82

32,435

623.75

Maxwell, N E

16,464

228.50

72.94

16,765

322.40

McAtominey, E

12,962

638.40

53.12

13,653

262.56

McCabe, J G

14,112

-

-

14,112

271.38

McMillan, A

11,481

-

-

11,481

220.78

Meeks, J

14,112

334.60

160.61

14,607

280.90

Perry, J

16,464

-

-

16,464

316.61

Piggot, T

11,760

-

-

11,760

226.15

Punchion, O

11,760

102.40

-

11,862

228.11

Scorer, B

14,112

211.20

111.75

14,434

277.57

Sewell, J

16,464

658.75

734.78

17,857

343.40

Spraggon, S

11,203

151.20

-

11,354

218.34

Stewart, A M

13,833

114.90

88.47

14,036

269.92

Strike, A

11,760

56.00

-

11,816

227.23

Waggott, L I

7,056

-

-

7,056

135.69

Walsh, A

8,486

372.00

15.42

8,873

170.63

 

 

 

 

 

 

TOTALS:

450,321*

10,892.37

4,712.41

465,925*

8,973.16

*These figures do not include pence

12
Mar
09

Updated – will ugly betty gets a nose job at the public’s expense?

'Nose job'

'Nose job'

Mr Monkey overheard an interesting conversation recently about The Patron Slut of Sailors, councillor Audrey McMillan and her rehabilitation back into Miss Piggy’s, aka councillor Iain Malcolm’s inner circle.

Councillor McMillan, ‘affectionaltey’ referred to as Ugly Betty by senior Labour councillors was distraught several year’s ago when she lost the chair of the planning committee.

This had nothing to do with the fact she lost her position but had everything to do with money, especially the prospect of losing her special responsibility allowance (£8000) and all the back handers she used to get.

Mr Monkey can also confirm that she was within a whisker of joining councillor Branley’s Indy Alliance – the only thing that put her off was money – she was worried she would not be able to retain her Beacon and Bents seat.

This did not stop her spending hours on the telephone complaining about anything and everyone and telling people how the Labour party was out to get her. She also got a reputation for crying and turning the tears on for effect.

Ugly Betty has never been well liked by her colleagues – females colleagues think she’s a slapper and will shag their husbands at the drop of a hat – just ask Sue Reynolds – male colleagues treat her as an easy fuck – ask Ron Reynolds.

But the ones that despised her the most were her own ward colleagues, Bilbo Baggins, aka councillor John Anglin and Alahbama John, aka John Morris Wood.

This scheming pair and their wives conspired to keep things away from Ugly Betty and worked tirelessly behind the scenes to get her deselected. They even paid Labour party membership fees for people to join the local party out of their own pockets so that they could count on their support when it came to selection meetings. At one stage the local Beacon and Bents Labour party was closed down by Labour North for suspected fraud, corruption and maladministration.

Since Alahbama John’s defeat at the elections in May 2008, Ugly Betty has gradually sleptsquirmed her way back into the in-crowd and has become best friends with councillor Anglin Bilbo Baggins. She’s also been given the chair of the Human Resources Committee which carries a special responsibility allowance.

Apparently Miss Piggy told Ugly Betty that under his regime he’s going to wrestle the power of senior appointments away from Irene Lucas and her minions and put it back in the hands of councillors.

Mr Monkey has now learned that Miss Piggy, aka Ian Malcolm is set to complete her rehabilitation by rewarding Ugly Betty with a place in his new look cabinet in May. Miss Piggy has told his close associates that he sees her as an ideal replacement for Bill ‘the buffoon’ Brady who currently holds the Equality and Diversity portfolio – something to do with reclaiming the Asian vote and reckons Ugly Betty is loved and respected by the Bengali community in Beacon and Bents, apparently that’s what his ex female companion Julie told him.

This chimp reckons that Ugly Betty has already spent the £10,000 and will be finishing off her nose job. Apparently her arse has more meat on it these days now that it doesn’t get as much exercise so the surgeons should be able to get a full nose out of it this time.

03
Mar
09

Green light to shaft council employees

Last month Mr Monkey exclusively revealed that council staff were set to pay for parking CLICK HERE.

It’s now been confirmed that staff who are being transferred to Wouldhave House will have to pay for parking and they’re not happy about the prospect of having to pay for parking like the rest of us because they’ve got away with it for so long.

Angry staff claim they’re worried about car security and the possible negative impact of hundreds of staff trying to find spaces in the town centre, where parking is extremely limited, possibly forcing staff to use public transport while carrying out official duties.

Mr Monkey has no sympathy with any of them and here’s why:

  • the borough’s car parks are amongst the safest in the country – that’s what councillor Clare the lead member with responsibility for car park claims.
  • for years, the car parks have been labelled safe for the rest of us, so why the sudden concern? 
  • car parks are regularly patrolled up until 11pm by the council’s enforcement contractor, Apcoa.
  • what about all the empty spaces at the Customs House, Mill Dam and Mile End Rd car parks. The old Asda car park will also be open to the public.
  • what’s wrong with using public transport, tens of thousands of people across the region rely on it everyday.
  • ever thought of using pool cars for official duties?

Mr Monkey reckons that council staff have come up with some pretty shit excuses when it’s clear that all they’re really bothered about is the cost.

Perhaps staff should use some of the savings from thier new BT broadband package to pay for thier parking. Apparently council staff transferring to BT will get broadband for just £1 a month.

Mr Monkey would like to leave the last word to the Patron Slut of Sailors who said, “”I’m absolutely mystified as to where these council workers are going to park”.

Perhaps she and her stupid colleagues in the Labour party should have thought about this before signing on the dotted line and giving BT the green light to shaft council employees.

28
Feb
09

twat of the week

"TWAT OF THE WEEK"

"TWAT OF THE WEEK"

Mr Monkey should have known that finding a ‘Twat of The Week’ was always going to be difficult once this picture of David ‘Birdman’ MacLean appeared, CLICK HERE. 

What this chimp didn’t realise was that there would be so many twats worthy of the title.

Contenders for this coveted award are:

  • Karen Allen - for thinking a Tory has a chance of getting elected in South Shields.
  • John Szymanski - for handing over editorial control of the Shields Gazette to his paymaster Iain Malcolm.
  • The King of Sleaze, David Potts - for presenting the Tories budget whilst pissed.
  • ‘Big’ Ed Malcolm - for confirming what the world already knows; he’s a blithering, stuttering idiot with the intelligence of a slug.
  • The Patron Slut of Sailors, aka Audrey McMillan - who this week realised there’s no local election until 2010.
  • Wilma Waggott, aka Linda - for remembering she represets Boldon Colliery and not Bede.
  • Victor ‘is anyone home’ Thompson - for remembering what day of the week full council is held on.
  • Mr Miserable, aka Tom Defty - for confirming what everyone knew, he’s joined the Real Independents because George ‘Red Rum’ Elsom promised to pay for his Christmas cards.
  • Vodka Lil, aka Eileen Leask - for listening to council leader Iain Malcolm who convinced her to resign as a governor of Bamburgh School.

and the winner is .. Big Ed Malcolm.

01
Feb
09

Tyne Twat – The Tale of A Whore

'For Sale - all offers accepted'

'For Sale - all offers accepted'

Ugly Betty started her working life as a pickpocket but quickly turned to prostitution when she realised it was easier to steal a man’s money when his trousers were off than when they were on. Sex was her way of getting closer to a man to pilfer his money, simply a means to an end. She tried her luck at the clubs but was always chucked out for stealing. So she focused on the river, where she had greater access to the seamen and thier goodies.

Once she got into their cabins, she could wreak havoc, stealing whatever she could get her hands on. From their rooms, she would take cigarettes, cash, shoes, watches, clothing – anything she could give away or sell. From the galley, she pilfered meat, cheese, bread, packets of noodles, fruit and alcohol. She preferred the short-stay ships because she could do her business and get away before anyone knew what was taken. By the time they realised they’d been robbed, they would already be out at sea. 

Ugly Betty admitted that, with her attitude, she wasn’t much of a lover. She didn’t give a damn about her clients’ sexual satisfaction; she didn’t even pretend to be interested. Sometimes she’d yawn, look at her watch or even try to take a nap while the man was busy trying to bang her. As he was about to shoot his load, she was only thinking about how she was going to reach down to his pants on the floor and empty his wallet. 

Ugly Betty always took full advantage of opportunities to steal when she was on the ships, but there were lots of other pleasures to enjoy too. Ultimately she didn’t go aboard to steal but to make money through sex and have a party with the sailors. She didn’t want to just get on and off; she wanted to hang out with the men and make herself at home. 

Arthur, a 68 year-old riverside veteran who was always willing to talk in depth to me, said that Ugly Betty used to move from ship to ship for days at a time, sometimes without even bothering to return home. She would live on the boats, party with the seamen at the clubs, then return with them to their cabins where they would sleep together. Usually she tried to pair up with one of the officers who could afford to keep her for days at a time. Sometimes she would even participate in the domestic upkeep of the ship to give the impression she cared, when all the time she was looking for yet more opportunities to rob its crew. 

Such long-term interactions inevitably led to closer relationships and on more than one occasion she fell in love with her client. Once she grew attached to an old Greek captain. He seemed to have felt something for her too, more akin to empathy than lust, and she responded to his selfless concern with total devotion. He promised to send for her to start a new life on a Greek Island but quickly changed his mind when his dick started to swell and he felt a burning sensation every time he went for a piss. 

… more to follow.

30
Jan
09

Gazette Set To Enter Partnership With Council

Judging by the quality of yesterday’s toilet paper, the Shields Gazette, it seems times are hard. 

Owners Johnston Press are concerned about falling circulation, declining advertising revenues and this has inevitably led to speculation as to the long term future of the paper. They’ve already imposed a pay freeze on staff, offered staff voluntary redundancy and have consigned the Jarrow and Hebburn edition to the dustbin – leaving only a single South Shields edition. Despite these measures it seems the owners want more.

This morning there is fevered speculation that a number of proof readers are to be offered early retirement on the grounds of ill health. Apparently they’re suffering from poor eye sight which probably explains why the Gazette has so many mistakes in it.

No one was available to comment at Johnston Press headquarters in Edinburgh but Mr Monkey was able to speak to the editor of the Gazette.

Papa John Szymanski said,

“I would like to thank our proof readers for their dedication over the years and wish them well in their retirement.

We will not be replacing them as we have decided to expand our partnership with South Tyneside Council and I am delighted to announce that from 1st February the council’s Communication Department will be taking on the role of proof reading, censorship, design and final editing. This way I won’t have to spend so much time in the town hall and on the phone to my paymaster, council leader Iain Malcolm.

This is a partnership made in heaven, the council gets what it wants – total control of the Gazette and I get to do even less work than I do now and have first choice on all the leftovers at the council’s buffets. Iain has even promised that sausage rolls will be on every council buffet menu from February 1st.”

Mr Monkey reckons this probably explains yesterday’s fuck up where the same article advertising a ward surgery appeared on pages 13 and 45. Although whoever was responsible must have had a sense of humour because the picture they used of Ugly Betty, aka councillor McMillan did her now favours. It seems she’s piled on the beef or her face is swollen form some other activity – when did the Ark Royal arrive?

Either way she’s one hell of an ugly fucker and Mr Monkey reckons he’ll be quids in if he takes her trick or treating next Halloween – the folks on the Lawe Top would give you anything as long as they didn’t have to open the door to Ugly Betty.

28
Jan
09

Good News, Bad News and The Spokesperson Said ..

Have you noticed how every time Miss Piggy, aka council leader Iain Malcolm and his lackeys fail to bribe control Papa John Szymanski the media and a story criticising the council appears the council suddenly becomes a faceless organisation?

Since May the once proud and iindependent Shields Gazette has become nothing more than the official voice of the local Labour party and if you’re stupid enough to waste 42p on this toilet paper you’ll notice that it’s always full of Labour spin and pictures of smiley Labour councillors.

If you were a visitor to South Tyneside you could be forgiven for thinking that the council consisted solelyof Labour councillors with no opposition and that you were in some kind of utopia where everything is perfect, where apparently even the MP pops down to the town centre to do his daily shopping!

On the rare occassion a critical piece does slip through the Malcolm Censorship Panel – probably because the editor, Papa John Szyamanski is too busy stuffing his chubby face with sausage rolls to notice – you never see those same smiley councillors posing for the cameras, instead they run for cover quicker than Ugly Betty, aka councillor McMillan can get on to a newly docked ship!

Readers will also notice that instead of the usual spin of “The leader of South Tyneside council said ..” the public are fed a diet of shite with “a spokesperson for South Tyneside Council said .. “

Take a look at these two recent examples:

this article appeared in the Shields Gazette Malcolm Fanzine on 24th January and was critical of the council. CLICK HERE. The article was accompanied by a picture of the town hall and included the following lines, ‘A South Tyneside Council spokesman said’ and ‘a spokesman for South Tyneside Council questioned the findings’.

Now compare it to,

this article which appeared in the Shields Gazette Malcolm Fanzine on 21st January telling the world how the council leader intends to keep the council tax rise to under 3%. CLICK HERE. But this time the article was accompanied by a smiley picture of Miss Piggy, aka councillor Iain Malcolm and it also made 4 references to either ‘the council leader’ or councillor Iain Malcolm and included the lines, ‘He said’ and ‘Coun Malcolm said’.

Mr Monkey reckons when it comes to good news Labour councillors group fight like ferrets in a sack yet when it comes to bad news or news that they haven’t been able to spin they’re a bunch of faceless cowards who disappear into the mire quicker than Iain Malcolm does when Newcastle Airport is mentioned.




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