Archive for the 'Biddick Hall' Category

25
May
09

deputy mayor, councillor Tom Piggott will step down in 2010

Earlier this week Mr Monkey told bloggers that he was following up a story about the new deputy mayor, councillor Tom Piggot. CLICK HERE.

Mr Monkey can now reveal that councillor Piggott the current deputy mayor has been persuaded to step down in late February to make way for Joyce Welsh.

Councillor Malcolm has been grooming Joyce Welsh for several years and is seen by him as a major player in his attempt to keep the Independents out of Biddick Hall. He has recently put her in charge of the women’s group of the local Labour party, appointed her as a school governor and has put her on several outside bodies where she represents the council.

There’s only one problem – his brother Ed Malcolm’s long term mistress councillor Olive Punchion is due for re-election in 2010 and she has no intention of standing down, especially to make way for a usurper.

Mr Monkey has now learned that councillor Piggott will retire on ill health grounds just before the deadline for nominations in 2010. This will allow Iain Malcolm to impose Joyce Welsh on the ward without the need to follow the selection process.

He has told his close associates that his plan would also catch the Independents off guard as they would not have enough time to find a second candidate - that was until Mr Monkey revealed his plan to the world.

21
May
09

breaking news: deputy mayor to step down

Mr Monkey is following up a story about the newly crowned deputy mayor, councillor Tom Piggott. More to follow ..

04
Mar
09

EXclusive: Gollum and Aunt Sally’s ‘love’ hideawy revealed

'Councillors Ed Malcolm and Olive Punchion's weekend love nest'

'Councillors Ed Malcolm and Olive Punchion's weekend love nest'

The Gollum of South Tyneside politics, councillor Ed Malcolm has had a tough few weeks preparing for his big day, presenting the council’s budget.

A source close to Gollum has told Mr Monkey that as budget day approached his nerves were in tatters and he resorted to medication to calm himself down, but whatever he took didn’t stop him making a twat of himself and fluffing his lines.

Apparently on one occasion Aunt Sally, aka Olive Punchion – who spent years cheating on her husband to get in to Gollum’s nappy pants - came to his rescue by bringing him a glass of water. That made things worse as he lost his concentration and started stuttering his lines.

Mr Monkey has learned that Gollum and his scarecrow, Aunt Sally decided that after a difficult few weeks it was time to get away from it all and recharge their batteries in a plush and intimate location.

This chimp can exclusively reveal that the ‘odd couple’ spent  last weekend at one of their favourite hideaways – The Royal County hotel in Durham.

A quick look at the Marriott Hotel website confirms that Gollum, aka councillor Ed Malcolm and Aunt Sally, aka councillor Olive Punchion enjoy living it up in these difficult economic times, apparently rooms start at around £130 a night.

Mr Monkey wonders what the hard pressed people of Biddick Hall and Simonside and Rekendyke will make of this?

26
Feb
09

Aunt Sally Speaks!

'Aunt Sally scares anyone but Big Ed Malcolm'

'Aunt Sally scares anyone but Big Ed Malcolm'

Big Ed Malcolm’s scarecrow councillor Olive Punchion, aka Aunt Sally is not the dumb bitch she’s made out to be. At least that’s what the council’s press office would like you to think. 

According to this article that appears in the local snooze paper CLICK HERE Biddick Hall, Whiteleas and West Harton is the latest area to get its own Police and Community Together (Pact) forum and Aunt Sally had this to say,

“The council works closely with the police and other partners to tackle crime and anti-social behaviour, but we can achieve nothing without the involvement of those who matter the most – local residents.” 

Anyone who knows Aunt Sally will tell you that this crap cannot have originated in her favourite cornfield (more of this later) because the old scarecrow is just not capable of churning out such words of wisdom.
Thank heavens for the council’s press office, the local Labour party would be lost without it. 
20
Feb
09

Twat of the week

'Casanova shares the Twat of The Week award with the Audit Commission'

'Casanova shares the Twat of The Week award with the Audit Commission'

This week Mr Monkey has taken the unusual step of splitting the The Twat of The Week award between two worthy winners - councillor Michael Clare and the Audit Commission

Bloggers will know that South Tyneside Council loves picking up worthless awards and accolades and then force feeding the public a diet of shit by telling us all how good they are.

Apparently council services are regularly audited by the Audit Commission so that government can check on performance and value for money.

Some people believe the Audit Commission is a toothless wonder that’s in the pocket of government and reguarly fails to detect poor financial management and bad practise.

Here in South Tyneside, it was the Audit Commission who failed to spot an £11 million plus black hole in the council finances and then couldn’t explain why they had signed off the council’s accounts.

Today Mr Monkey has learned that this inept organisation has revealed that South Tyneside has among the ‘best pavements’ in the region and the second best in North East England.

Mr Monkey reckons the inspectors that visited the borough must have been blind. Either that or The Dominatrix, aka Irene Lucas the chief executive of South Tyneside Council stage managed the visit?

This chimp reckons there’s no way the inspectors would have reached this conclusion by wandering round the streets of Horsley Hill, Biddick Hall, Jarrow, Hebburn, Whiteleas or Simonside and Rekendyke.

But what’s really depressing about this latest ‘award’ con is that councillor Michael Clare actually believes the shite being spewed out by the council’s press office.

Cum on Casanova (more of this later) everyone except the fuckwits in the cabinet and chief executive’s office knows that the borough’s pavements are in a terrible state – just ask the council’s insurance company who are increasingly being asked to pick up the tab when people sue!

13
Nov
08

Three Labour Stooges

Mr Monkey would like to congratulate the Fat Mackem Hobbit over at The Shire Curly’s Corner Shop for capturing this picture at Sunday’s Remembrance Ceremony in Westoe.

'Labour's three stooges'

The Hobbit’s picture encapsulates everything the local Labour party stands for and provides photographic evidence to support Mr Monkey’s view that the local Labour party really has sunk to an all time low.

Lets take a look at the three stooges.

Vodka Lil .. Miss Piggy’s councillor Iain Malcolm’s side kick in Horsley Hill. She is renowned for her love of vodka and outrageous behaviour when pissed. Miss Piggy would love to dump her in 2010 and bring back Arthur ‘dirty dick’ Meeks into the fold.

Joyce Welsh.. this benefit fraudster scrounger is apparently too sick to work yet she can deliver leaflets for the Labour party; Mr Monkey has the pictures. She’s desperate for a seat on the council and it is rumoured she’s shagged a few leading players to get one. Talk in the members lounge is that Joyce is Iain Malcolm’s choice to replace Olive Puncheon in 2010. Mr Monkey reckons brother Ed can’t afford any skeletons in the cupboard if he gets the Parliamentary nomination; too late Ed, Mr Monkey’s already on to you!

Papa John Szymanski.. he turns up everywhere like a bad penny. He’s being manipulated by Miss Piggy aka councillor Iain Malcolm and willingly sells his soul for a few sausage rolls and chicken drumsticks. Mr Monkey reckons Papa John has a few psychological scars and is suffering from a ‘no one loves me’ complex. Everyone can see he’s in need of love and his fear of being treated as an outsider has been picked up on by Miss Piggy who pretends to love him dearly.

Perhaps Papa John should goggle Black Widow – it might just stop him being devoured by Iain.

Mr Monkey seems to think that this is the first time Papa John has bothered turning up to a Remembrance Ceremony anywhere in the borough .. coincidence or has it something to do with him thinking he’s now part of the in crowd?

It seems there is some truth in the saying “every a picture is worth a thousand words”.

30
Sep
08

Climb Aboard – It’s Free Love!

According to this article in today’s Gazette, former Labour councillor, Mark Walsh will be participating in Sunday’s Great North Run and intends raising money for the Mayor’s charity.

Mr Monkey can’t help wondering whether Mr Walsh is the husband of newly elected Biddick Hall Labour councillor and three in a bed slapper Ann Walsh?

Ann has a reputation for enjoying free love with multiple partners, preferably at the same time. Apparently she loves nothing more than shagging two brothers at the same time, just ask your butcher?

Mr Monkey reckons that after all the action this old slapper councillor Walsh has seen it’s no wonder she squeals when she talks. Getting a good porking in every conceivable hole won’t have helped.

Can’t be much fun for Mark though, wondering what he might meet coming out of the old slapper’s love tunnel. Poor bastard has to put a coin in the toll booth every time he wants a shag and then has to pluck up the courage before entering the abyss.

Imagine being sucked into a deep dark bottomless hole never to return? No wonder he’s taken up jogging!




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