Archive for the 'Chief Executive' Category

21
Jul
09

mr monkey calls it a day

'Mr Monkey calls it a day so he can go home'

'Mr Monkey calls it a day so he can return home to enjoy his retirement'

It’s been nearly a year since Mr Monkey burst on to the local political scene with the redesigned version of Mr Monkey’s Blog

.. and what a year it’s been.

This chimp had no idea of the effect his blog would have on politicians of all parties and senior council officers or the impact it would have on local politcs.

Mr Monkey quickly built up a following amongst local bloggers and within weeks, Mr Monkey’s Blog established itself as South Tyneside’s premier blog, much to the annoyance of some.

There have been many highlights during the last 12 months but Mr Monkey’s favourites are:-

  • Ending councillor David Potts political career before it started by getting him deselected as the Tory candidate to fight Alistair Darling.
  • Ensuring that the people of Washington East and Houghton knew what a devious and scheming individual Ed Malcom was. This played a major part  in his failure to become their prospective member of Parliament.
  • Exposing council leader Iain Malcolm as an election fraudster.
  • Knowing that Irene Lucas, the Chief Executive of South Tyneside Council could not control, manipulate or stop Mr Monkey and that his blog was the worst thing that happened to her in her local government career.
  • Knowing that every politician feared being exposed on Mr Monkey’s Blog and despite what they said, knowing that everyone of them read it daily.
  • Exposing Ed Malcolm’s long term affair with his ‘granny’, aka councillor Punchion
  • ‘Outing’ Iain Malcolm.
  • Continually thwarting the attempts of senior council officials to stop Mr Monkey’s Blog and reveal the identity of Mr Monkey.
  • Frustrating South Tyneside’s most self opinionated blogger, the Fat Mackem Hobitt.
  • Exposing Papa John Szymanski, editor of the local Malcolm Fanzine, aka the Shields Gazette as a Labour groupie, freeloader and that he sold his soul to Labour for the price of a sausage roll.
  • Knowing that all the pseudonyms Mr Monkey has used will be around for years to come.

After achieving every goal Mr Monkey set himself – in record time – this chimp has decided to give his victims an early birthday present – Mr Monkey is going to call it a day on Thursday 30th July.

Mr Monkey has spent the last couple of months agonising over whether or not to retire and after talking it over with a few wiser chimps, he’s decided to take their advice and return to the jungle to enjoy his retirement and spend more time with his family.

Although Mr Monkey has decided to call it a day, he hasn’t yet made up his mind about whether to leave Mr Monkey’s Blog on the internet for future generations to enjoy or whether to remove it forever – that decision will be made on International Primate Day.

Make sure you stop by on Tuesday 1st September .. when all will be revealed.

13
Mar
09

whose the most despised head of service?

Mr Monkey has learned that a major restructure of Neighbourhood Services is being held up by the ego of one of the Heads of Service.

The indiviual concerned is refusing to compromise and wants the lion’s share of the services being left without a head of service when Sylvia Brown leaves in the next couple of weeks. He’s been going over the head of his boss, Executive Director Fiona Brown and is trying to sweet talk Irene Lucas in to giving him what he wants.

This delay is leaving hundreds of staff unsure where they’re going to be working come 1st April, or indeed if they have a job – many of them are on fixed term contracts. These discussions have been going on since December, but are consistently being held up by this egotistical head of service.

The person in question also has a track record of putting his names on reports and documents he’s had nothing to do with and in creating ever more ridiculous job titles for himself to feed his petty ego.

Mr Monkey will reveal the identity of this despised individual in the coming days.

11
Mar
09

is the council trying to cover up what local people really think?

Last autumn South Tyneside Council was ordered to carry out a PLACE SURVEY by the government and it seems that senior council officers and don’t like the results.

South Tyneside like all other councils were required to undertake a Place Survey in their area between September and December 2008 and every 2 years thereafter.

The survey is designed to measure how residents experience life in South Tyneside, what they think about the place and their satisfaction with a range of local public services. It also provides information for 18 of the national performance indicators that all local councils are measured against.

The survey was a random postal survey and in order to ensure the results were reliable the council needed 1,100 completed questionnaires. The results are then weighted to reflect the profile of the population in each council area.

South Tyneside Council is facing a severe rap on the knuckles for delaying the publication of the national survey into council services. The surevy was due for national publication about 10 days ago, with the best performers getting slaps on the back and the kudos that goes with it – something that council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy and his chief executive, Irene Lucas, aka the Dominatrix keep ramming down the publics throat.

However, South Tyneside Council, seems to have taken thier ball home because they haven’t been able to manipulate the results to suit their own agenda and spin the truth about what people really think.

Senior officers and members have deliberately tried to sabotage the process in an attempt to keep the details of the survey secret and are trying to clog up the system by raising multiple queries on the results with the Audit Commission, as the national results make South Tyneside look very bad.

These queries have been spurious in the extreme, but have resulted in the Audit Commission delaying the publication due to a threat from South Tyneside to take it to a ministerial level – Mr Monkey can’t help wondering who that King Street loving shopaholic could be?

Senior officers and members are running scared of being found out for what they really are and for being held to account for their negligence in mismanaging the borough?

Perhaps Miss Piggy would like to tell this chimp when he can expect to read about this in the Shields Labour Gazetteer?

24
Feb
09

question time at south tyneside homes

If your a tenant of South Tyneside Homes and are pissed off with how you’ve been treated or you’re just not getting anywhere, did you know that you can ask the board questions and you don’t even have to be there to ask it in person.

The board’s next meeting is on Monday 16th March from 4pm to 6pm at Strathmore House, 11, Rolling Mill Rd, Viking Business Park, Jarrow. NE32 3DP.

Anyone can attend the meeting, but if you want to ask a question you’ll need to put it in writing no later than 12 noon on Thursday 26th February and send it to Frank Coverdale at the above address or e-mail him on frank.coverdale@southtynesidehomes.org.uk 

This gives the lazy bastards enough time to prepare an answer or find a way of covering up the truth if the question is awkward. 

20
Feb
09

Twat of the week

'Casanova shares the Twat of The Week award with the Audit Commission'

'Casanova shares the Twat of The Week award with the Audit Commission'

This week Mr Monkey has taken the unusual step of splitting the The Twat of The Week award between two worthy winners – councillor Michael Clare and the Audit Commission

Bloggers will know that South Tyneside Council loves picking up worthless awards and accolades and then force feeding the public a diet of shit by telling us all how good they are.

Apparently council services are regularly audited by the Audit Commission so that government can check on performance and value for money.

Some people believe the Audit Commission is a toothless wonder that’s in the pocket of government and reguarly fails to detect poor financial management and bad practise.

Here in South Tyneside, it was the Audit Commission who failed to spot an £11 million plus black hole in the council finances and then couldn’t explain why they had signed off the council’s accounts.

Today Mr Monkey has learned that this inept organisation has revealed that South Tyneside has among the ‘best pavements’ in the region and the second best in North East England.

Mr Monkey reckons the inspectors that visited the borough must have been blind. Either that or The Dominatrix, aka Irene Lucas the chief executive of South Tyneside Council stage managed the visit?

This chimp reckons there’s no way the inspectors would have reached this conclusion by wandering round the streets of Horsley Hill, Biddick Hall, Jarrow, Hebburn, Whiteleas or Simonside and Rekendyke.

But what’s really depressing about this latest ‘award’ con is that councillor Michael Clare actually believes the shite being spewed out by the council’s press office.

Cum on Casanova (more of this later) everyone except the fuckwits in the cabinet and chief executive’s office knows that the borough’s pavements are in a terrible state – just ask the council’s insurance company who are increasingly being asked to pick up the tab when people sue!

31
Jan
09

All Smiles in Whitburn .. Until Derby Day

'The toon will soon wipe that smile off your face'

'The toon will soon wipe that smile off your face'

South Tyneside’s dominatrix, Irene Lucas has cause to celebrate today after husband John Hays picked up a top travel award on behalf of his company Hays Travel. CLICK HERE.

Mr Hays who doubles as Quinny’s side kick at the Stadium of Shite (some daft twat has to be vice chairman), seems to be following in his wife’s footsteps when it comes to giving yourself a pat on the back and picking up worthless awards.

I bet the pillow talk in Irene and John’s boudoir must have been fucking interesting this week – imagine “my gong is bigger than your gong”.

Mr Monkey reckons it was only a matter of time before John got his own back on Irene after she picked up that meaningless piece of glass in London for being the Best Council of The Year.

Remember all the hype  shite that followed an award that was given by a fucking magazine of all things?

Sorry Irene and John but your joy is about to come to an abrupt end and you know why – yes you and all your Mackem trash are gonna get fucked by the Toon tomorrow.

27
Jan
09

Shame On You – You’re A Disgrace

Today is Holocaust Memorial Day.

Yes January 27th is the day when people throughout the world remember the victims of the Nazi Holocaust and of more recent genocides in Cambodia, Darfur, Bosnia, Rwanda, Iraq and Palestine.

Numerous ceremonies to remember the victims of these atrocities have taken place up and down the country including here in South Tyneside where each year the Mayor hosts a ceremony on behalf of the people of the borough to make the occasion.

Apparently today’s guests included a select band of children, members of the public, church goers, a few council officers, a handful of councillors and the usual band of Labour party activists – Mr Monkey is still waiting for details of these scrounging bastards but can confirm that Pat Morris and Jack Brown were seen loitering around the buffet table.

The ceremony itself apparently included several readings, recitals, a prayer, and a few words (via letters) from our local MP’s. There was also a flower laying and candle lighting ceremony.

Mr Monkey can confirm that although today’s ceremony was well attended it seems most councillors, executive directors of the council and business leaders couldn’t be bothered to turn up.

According to a source inside the town hall only 11 councillors out of a possible 54 had the decency to make an appearance, these included: councillors Alex Donaldson, John Anglin, Peter Boyack, Jim Foreman, Ahmed Khan, Jane Branley, Joan Meeks, Tom Piggot, Jimmy Sewell, Ernest Gibson and Alan Kerr.

Notable absences included the Chuckle Brothers, aka Ian and Ed Malcolm, Michael Clare, Bill Brady (Lead Member for Equality and Diversity), Tracy Dixon, Joanne Bell, Audrey McMillan, Linda Waggott, Barry Scorer, John McCabe, Jim Perry and Tom Hanson.

The King of Sleaze Tory Boy David Potts and his two stooges Wood and Millburn, all three Liberal Democrats, the two representatives of the We’ve Finally Made Our Mind Up Party Real Independents councillors Lurch and Red Rum Haram and Elsom plus their new lackey Tom Defty were all conspicuous by their absence.

Apparently the Progressives didn’t bother turning up because they still think its 1986.

Mr Monkey reckons that each and every one of you lazy bastards who couldn’t be bothered to turn up should hang your heads in shame – in the words of the King of Sleaze .. “you’re a disgrace”.




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