Archive for the 'Ed Malcolm' Category

30
Jul
09

highlights: council leader Iain Malcolm rigs ballot to cheat tory Pat Piggott out of victory

council Iain Malcolm

Election fraudster - council leader Iain Malcolm

Mr Monkey would like to take readers back to April 2000.

Councillor Iain Malcolm was up for re-election and it was widely believed that he faced a tough fight against Patricia Piggott, a strong Conservative candidate.  

 

Many people including Iain Malcolm believed that he would lose his seat to the Conservative so he decided to take matters into his own hands and rig the ballot to ensure he won and there was no better way to do this than by manipulating the postal vote – Labour’s recently introduced new election fixing tool. 

Councillor Iain Malcolm ensured that every elderly person in his ward was registered to vote and encouraged them to vote by post. He assured them that there was nothing complicated about the process especially as he and his associates would be on hand to fill the ballot papers in for them and even offered to post them on their behalf.

Councillor Iain Malcolm particularly targeted care homes, sheltered accommodation and OAP bungalows. As a sitting councillor no council employee was going to deny him access so he was free to come and go as he pleased.

 

As the election was nearing its climax, councillor Iain Malcolm was increasingly worried about the reaction on the doorstep and decided that it was time for drastic intervention otherwise he would lose his seat.

 

Around the same time the sitting MP for South Shields, Dr David Clarke was planning to retire at the next general election which was due to be held within the next year or so.

 

The only problem was that councillor Iain Malcolm had been selected to sit on the Parliamentary panel and was likely to be selected to replace Dr Clarke as Labour’s parliamentary candidate at the forthcoming election – something Dr Clarke was desperate to avoid, he even raised the matter with the then Prime Minister Tony Blair.

 

Dr Clarke despised everything Iain Malcolm stood for, he didn’t trust him and questioned his integrity. It wasn’t long before Dr Clarke was proved right.

 

Prior to polling day councillor Iain Malcolm instructed all Labour party members in Horsley Hill to go around people’s homes collecting any postal voting envelopes that hadn’t been posted on the pretext of “we’ll post them for you”. But instead of posting them he asked his supporters to hand them over to him.

 

A crucial part of Iain Malcolm’ strategy was to ensure that the postal votes from care homes, sheltered accommodations and OAP bungalows were collected in person. He entrusted this task to an unsuspecting Labour party member called Tom Taylor. He told him to take all the envelopes to his house and that he would come and collect them later.

 

After he had collected them he called Iain Malcolm to tell him that he had finished his task and that they were at his house awaiting collection. Shortly after Iain Malcolm arrived.

 

Tom’s wife Mary, asked Iain Malcolm to step inside the house and when he saw that Tom was as good as his word and had collected a large number of envelopes he sat down and started to sort through them. Then to the total and utter dismay of these life long Labour supporters he started to open the envelopes in their front room and removed the ballot papers. Any votes for Labour were returned to the envelope and resealed for posting and any votes for Pat Piggott, the Conservative candidate were destroyed.

 

In the early hours of May 5th the election result was announced and as people had predicated it was a close run thing. Iain Malcolm was declared the winner with 785 votes with Pat Piggott polling 709 votes, a difference of just 76 votes.

 

Iain Malcolm celebrated his victory by announcing to a handful of associates that he had cheated Pat Piggott out of victory by destroying her votes and said that he’d done what he’d needed to do to ensure that no Tory took his seat.

 

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Part 2 of this disgraceful act of betrayal will follow shortly.

 

UPDATE: Saturday 28th March at 10.35am

Yesterday was a record breaking day for Mr Monkey’s Blog with 4,163 hits being recorded. Bloggers also helped set an all time record for the highest number of hits on a single post.

 

UPDATE DATE: Friday 27th March at 20.55pm
Apparently Mr Monkey’s blog was mentioned at yesterday’s meeting of the full council and by all accounts it caused quite a stir. Some councillors appeared to want a hole to open up and swallow them. Others managed to raise a wry smile but sadly one or two just sat there with a blank expression on their face.

21
Jul
09

mr monkey calls it a day

'Mr Monkey calls it a day so he can go home'

'Mr Monkey calls it a day so he can return home to enjoy his retirement'

It’s been nearly a year since Mr Monkey burst on to the local political scene with the redesigned version of Mr Monkey’s Blog

.. and what a year it’s been.

This chimp had no idea of the effect his blog would have on politicians of all parties and senior council officers or the impact it would have on local politcs.

Mr Monkey quickly built up a following amongst local bloggers and within weeks, Mr Monkey’s Blog established itself as South Tyneside’s premier blog, much to the annoyance of some.

There have been many highlights during the last 12 months but Mr Monkey’s favourites are:-

  • Ending councillor David Potts political career before it started by getting him deselected as the Tory candidate to fight Alistair Darling.
  • Ensuring that the people of Washington East and Houghton knew what a devious and scheming individual Ed Malcom was. This played a major part  in his failure to become their prospective member of Parliament.
  • Exposing council leader Iain Malcolm as an election fraudster.
  • Knowing that Irene Lucas, the Chief Executive of South Tyneside Council could not control, manipulate or stop Mr Monkey and that his blog was the worst thing that happened to her in her local government career.
  • Knowing that every politician feared being exposed on Mr Monkey’s Blog and despite what they said, knowing that everyone of them read it daily.
  • Exposing Ed Malcolm’s long term affair with his ‘granny’, aka councillor Punchion
  • ‘Outing’ Iain Malcolm.
  • Continually thwarting the attempts of senior council officials to stop Mr Monkey’s Blog and reveal the identity of Mr Monkey.
  • Frustrating South Tyneside’s most self opinionated blogger, the Fat Mackem Hobitt.
  • Exposing Papa John Szymanski, editor of the local Malcolm Fanzine, aka the Shields Gazette as a Labour groupie, freeloader and that he sold his soul to Labour for the price of a sausage roll.
  • Knowing that all the pseudonyms Mr Monkey has used will be around for years to come.

After achieving every goal Mr Monkey set himself – in record time – this chimp has decided to give his victims an early birthday present – Mr Monkey is going to call it a day on Thursday 30th July.

Mr Monkey has spent the last couple of months agonising over whether or not to retire and after talking it over with a few wiser chimps, he’s decided to take their advice and return to the jungle to enjoy his retirement and spend more time with his family.

Although Mr Monkey has decided to call it a day, he hasn’t yet made up his mind about whether to leave Mr Monkey’s Blog on the internet for future generations to enjoy or whether to remove it forever – that decision will be made on International Primate Day.

Make sure you stop by on Tuesday 1st September .. when all will be revealed.

17
Jul
09

mr united set to challenge labour

Any day now Steady Eddie, aka councillor McAtominey the disgraced Labour councillor and convicted felon will learn whether or not he’s to be booted out of the Labour party.

Councillor McAtominey, who was suspended from the Labour party last year after being arrested on suspicion of drink driving and was later convicted of failing to provide a sample has had his case referred to the National Executive of the Labour party after Labour North shirked their responsibilities and failed to terminate his membership.

Steady Eddie made things worse for himself when he was arrested for a second time and charged with drink driving. This time he pleaded guilty and was banned from driving.

Councillor McAtominey is no stranger to controversy – he was suspended from the Labour party for 4 years after he was caught cheating on printing tenders with the help of his now wife councillor Nancy Maxwell, who was a union employee and his accomplice.

Mr Monkey has been told by an insider that councillor McAtominey has decided that if he’s thrown out of the Labour party he will not stand down as a councillor but instead he will cross the floor and become an Independent, so will his wife councillor Maxwell.

Apparently they’ve already discussed this with their friend and Labour party thug enforcer, councillor John McCabe and councillor McAtominey is telling those close to him that councillor McCabe is  likely to follow him and rejoin the ranks of the Independents after first being elected as an Independent and then crossing the floor to Labour.

Steady Eddie is predicting that he’s the man to unite the opposition groups and that he will lead the challenge on Labour. He’s determined to go down in history as the man that killed off the Malcolms.

Good luck Mr United – this chimp is looking forward to seeing you in action once again, but this time with the support of some ferocious allies instead of the fuckwits you currently share the benches with.

14
Jul
09

especially for the chuckle brothers

After last week’s false alarm when the Chuckle Brothers, aka councillors Ed and Iain Malcolm thought they’d discovered Mr Monkey’s whereabouts CLICK HERE this chimp reckons they deserve a consolation prize.

So come on boys try your hand at this CLICK HERE - it’s the closest you’ll ever come to catching this ape.

11
Jul
09

captured: monkey’s whereabouts revealed

'false alarm'

'false alarm'

Seems Mr Monkey’s hiding place may have been uncovered. At least that’s if you believe what you read in the Malcolm Fanzine, aka Shields Gazette.

Sadly for Iain and Ed Malcolm, aka the Chuckle Brothers it’s not the monkey that they’d like to see back behind bars, for that they’d need to look a bit closer to home. CLICK HERE.

08
Jul
09

remind you of anyone?

'Dead ringer for Ed Malcolm'

'Dead ringer for Ed Malcolm'

Mr Monkey reckons Frank Sidebottom the Mancunian fuckwit with the paper machie head is a dead ringer for councillor Ed Malcolm – South Tyneside’s very own fuckwit who loves nothing better than a bit of grave snatching granny fanny.

29
Jun
09

silence of the chimps – part 2

Last week Mr Monkey revealed that a handful of senior councillors and council officers have become so obsessed with Mr Monkey’s Blog that they’ll stop at nothing to close it down – as long as they can pass the costs on to the taxpayer.

This chimp also told bloggers that the council has spent more than £30,000 on legal advice in an effort to silence the chimp. CLICK HERE. 

Mr Monkey can now reveal the council was told by the lawyers they consulted that if they wanted to pursue the chimp in the American courts the cost would be around £400,000 and that there was no guarantee of success.

They also told the council that if they managed to force WordPress – via the US courts – to reveal the IPaddress used by Mr Monkey to register his blog, this was only the beginning of a long and expensive legal process.

WordPress would only reveal the IP address, service provider i.e BT and the details used at the time of registration. The council would then need to go to court again – this time in the UK to get a court order to force BT to reveal the location of the IP address. Again this would not necessarily reveal the identity of Mr Monkey and they could end up being told that the IP address was registered to a wifi location in Middlesborough, Sunderland, Newcastle or Durham and that the person who registered with WordPress was could have used a false name.

Imagine what the public would say about a council who spends hundreds of thousands of pounds of taxpayers money chasing a monkey and all because the Chuckle Brothers can’t face the prospect of being labelled as a couple of scheming, lying, cheating and corrupt wankers.

This chimp can now confirm that the executive of the council refused to pursue this action on cost grounds and that their decision left the Chuckle Brothers feeling angry and frustrated.

Mr Monkey can now reveal that 10 weeks ago the same group of Labour councillors approached the executive and police again and this time they gave them the name of a person they belive is Mr Monkey, but unfortunately for them, the legal and police advice remains the same.

It seems that despite the Chuckle Brothers best efforts to silence Mr Monkey – Iain and Ed Malcolm are going to have to learn to live with this chimp who according to some experts may live up to 60 years!

24
Jun
09

silence of the chimps – part 1

It seems senior councillors and a handful of council officers have become so obsessed with Mr Monkey’s Blog that they’ll stop at nothing to close it down – as long as it doesn’t cost them anything.

It took just 2 weeks for these fuckwits to shit themselves at the prospects of being exposed for the corrupt, scheming and devious fraudsters that they really are.

Council leader Iain Malcolm acted quickly and ordered senior council officers to censor Mr Monkey’s Blog by barring access to it from council owned computers. In his eagerness to hide the truth from his own colleagues and officials he also barred access to another local blog.

The owner of the blog – the Fat Mackem Hobitt – begged councillor Malcolm to allow people to access his blog from council owned equipment and in return he agreed to do anything Miss Piggy, aka Iain Malcolm asked of him.  CLICK HERE.

Unfortunately councillor Malcolm failed to realise that his actions would have the opposite effect and instead of putting an end to his ape like antics, Mr Monkey’s Blog became an overnight sensation and quickly established itself as South Tyneside’s premier political blog.

In December Mr Monkey told bloggers about the Malcolms attempts to get the police to close Mr Monkey’s Blog after they received a monkey Christmas card – apparently they were intimidated by it – but were told to stop wasting police time and that if they had any concerns it was a civil matter that had nothing to do with the police. CLICK HERE 

In April Mr Monkey revealed that he had received a tip off that the council had spent thousands of pounds on legal advice to find a way of shutting down Mr Monkey’s Blog CLICK HERE. 

After the initial visit to the police in December 2008 this same councillors lead by Iain Malcolm approached the executive of the council and ordered them to start legal proceedings against WordPress, via the courts, to reveal the account holders details and therefore reveal the identity of Mr Monkey. 

The council took professional legal advice from experts in internet and international law to determine what legal action could be taken against WordPress. They spent over £30,000 of public money and were told that any legal action against WordPress – who are based in the US – would have to be in the American courts and would be very costly.

They were also told that it was unlikely to succeed and if it did, they would not get the identity of Mr Monkey but only the IP address used by Mr Monkey when he registered with WordPress and this could have been done from anywhere including public places with wifi access.

… to be continued.

10
Jun
09

eurocar: a regular contributor to mr monkey’s blog

On Monday Mr Monkey said he would publish a list of all the comments on his site that used the eurocar@hotmail.com and eurocar@hotmail.co.uk CLICK HERE.

This followed revelations that council leader Iain Malcolm was behind at least two comments left on Mr Monkey’s Blog during the recent taxpayer funded councillors jolly to France and that he or one of his stooges – most likely councillor Steve Harrison – used the eurocar e-mail address to post the comments.

Mr Monkey also revealed that there seemed to be a link between eurocar and Iain Malcolm. Comments left on this site suggest that the link is councillor Steve Harrison – apparently he owns a company called eurocar and that this company recently won a lucartive contract to supply transport services for the elderly. 

Mr Monkey can now reveal that the eurocar e-mail address has been used around 90 times to post comments on this site (under various names) and they have nearly always come from the same IP address – until the French jolly.

The style, tone and terminology of these comments is indentical except for the two comments written by Iain Malcom whilst he was in France. Ironically the other 88 comments left by councillor Harrison demonstrates what he really thinks about his colleagies and Mr Monkey reckons they will be overjoyed at the prospect of having this eloquent and confused individual in their ranks.

Here are some of the comments that have appear to have been posted by Steve Harrison from the eurocar address – to help put them in context, Mr Monkey has also included a link to the original post:-

On George Elsom ..

Recon a lot of Councillors in South Tyneside wished he broke his fuckin neck.Heard a canny story about the time he shit his pants on the golf course when one of his mates threatend the Bastard, maybe Mr Monkey would like me to share it with his bloggers?
http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/12/31/twat-of-the-year/

George ‘ive pissed me pants’ Elsom, is coming towards the end of his political life. He was bought very cheaplyoff Iain’miss piggy’Malcolm and a shit vice chair was all he had to show for it. His Missus Olive – had the embarrasment of one of the lowest ever votes in South Tyneside, what a sorry loser u are George. You have no hope of ever getting elected again, because the Indys are going to hammer your ward when its your turn to stand, Better still every other opposition party wants u gone including Labour. Ha ha ha bought for a poxy vice chair then sailed down the tyne like a peice of shit.
http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/12/31/twat-of-the-year/

On David Potts .. 

Apparantly his Dick dont work to well according to one Scrubber from the Cottage pub in Cleadon.
http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2009/01/24/the-prince-of-sleaze/

I thought Fat pigs flew not took the train?
http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/12/29/review-2008-the-fat-controller-claims-2251-to-ride-the-train/

Do you want me to bring him in for questioning?
http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/11/06/is-potts-a-habitual-liar/

On Eddie McAtominey..

It Was reported in the Malcolm fanzine ( Gazette ) last week that the residents of Hebburn have a 5,500 name petition against the Tescoville
development and PISSED-AS-A-DRUNKEN-CUNT McAtominey told them to basic’ly PISS OFF he was going to make the decision not them. Well i think the boots on the other foot now.

http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/11/13/will-steady-eddie-throw-in-the-towel/

Theres over 40K gannin in that hoose, paid for of course by the hard working taxpayers. Drunken bastard gets 7k basic 12k Police Athourity, 10k Cabinet
Fiddiling Nanc gets 7k Basic and 9+k Chair of Scrutiny. she should of scrutinized that fat tango’ed twat

http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/11/11/what-does-steady-eddie-know-about-you-iain/

Aye this Fucka has got away with it for years, after the scandal when he was kicked out of the Labour party for fiddiling, I and several other labour stalwarts dropped out. The man does not know the meaning of the word Integrity, fat, lying, cheating cunt he has scammed himself through life. Hopefully the Magistrates in Peterlee will through the book at the twat and the Borough of South Tyneside will be shot of him. The good people of Hebburn who presented the 5,500 petition are sticking two fucking fingers up to you, they are indeed having the last laugh.
http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/11/13/will-steady-eddie-throw-in-the-towel/

On George Elsom and the Progressives ..

Aye how fuckin niave can the progs be, the twats President or some fuckin thing, going round with George ‘red rum’Elsom like his arse lacky.
The Bastards going to fall from a great height right into a bucket of shite.

http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/12/31/twat-of-the-year/

On Iain Malcom ..

fkin faggotttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/11/19/iain-taps-his-best-mate-up/

THIS FELLA IS GOING DOWN THE SAME ROAD AS HIS EX LEADER WAGGOT, KEEP ON SPINNING SHIT, AND YOU WILL END UP ON THE SAME SCRAPHEAP AS HIM BONNY LAD.
http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/11/07/500-jobs-or-a-pie-in-the-sky/

Mr Monkey will be posting more comments from eurocar over the coming days.

27
May
09

twinkle toes

Mr Monkey popped into his local for a swift one last night and caught a glimpse of Britains Got Talent – seems the whole country is obsessed with reality tv shows.

This chimp couldn’t help noticing that one of last night’s semi finalist – a brother and sister team – looked as though they came straight from the set of Strictly Come Dancing as they performed a high octane ballroom dancing routine.

Mr Monkey mentioned that he thought it was a shame that more people did’nt take up ballroom dancing and to his surprise a number of locals admitted that they were taking lessons and that they’d been on a waiting list for several months before the could join a class.

What Mr Monkey heard next had this chimp falling about in fits of laughter and he almost choked on his beer.

Apparently councillor Ed Malcolm, aka ‘Big’ Ed and his long term slapper lover councillor Olive Punchion, aka Aunt Sally have been taking ballroom dancing lessons for several months and they’re still crap at it.

Mr Monkey reckons councillor Malcolm’s desire to become the belle off the ball may stem from his childhood fascination with dressing up dolls. Either that or he intends to marry Aunt Sally and wants to surprise his guests when the odd ‘happy couple’ perform the first dance.

The thought of Ed and Olive strutting their stuff on their wedding day is enough to give anyone a nightmare.

Imagine Aunt Sally, the 80 year old scarecrow clinging onto ‘Big’ Ed, the 4ft dwarf for all she’s worth? And what about Big Ed hugging Aunt Sally in a motherly embrace for comfort and security, and to stop him falling over – it’s a good job she’s past lactating or he’d be suckling her too.

But don’t worry Ed, whatever happens this chimp will be there to witness your big day, you have little choice but to invite him!




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