Archive for the 'Feeding' Category

02
Jun
09

councillor harrison takes the lead in the french connection

"which way to the free beer tent"

"which way to the free beer tent"

It didn’t take long for Indy councillor Steve Harrison to live up to his reputation of being a freeloader now that his shackles have been removed.

Councillor Harrsion left the Indy Alliance in May to become a ‘stand alone independent’ but within days he joined a new group called the association of misfits non aligned independents and progressives.

It now seems that his price for leaving the Indy Alliance was not the promise of a paid position but the chance to go on a few freebies at the taxpayers expense.

Since being elected by the people of Fellgate and Hedworth to oppose the Labour party he has regularly jumped into bed with them in exchange for a chance to live it up at the public’s expense – councillor Harrison’s loves nothing better than a freebie especially if it means he can get pissed without putting his hand in his pocket.

Mr Monkey has now learned that as well as his taxpayer funded trips to Belfast, London and Bournmouth councillor Harrison has gone continental. On Monday he joined a large delegation of scroungers on a week long trip to Epinay-ser-Seine on the outskirts of Paris, France – funded by the taxpayer.

It seems that even the publicity loving leader of the council thinks the trip might be a sensitive issue at a time when MP’s expenses have angered so many people. This might explain the absence of any coverage in the Labour party fanzine, aka the Shields Gazette and of course there’s the small matter of rubbing his Jarrow and Hebburn colleagues noses in it – no wonder he’s told those around him not to say anything about the trip.

Mr Monkey can’t wait to see how councillor Harrison is going to explain this one to the people that elected him to oppose a regime renowned for it’s abuse of public money. Whilst he’s at it he might want to explain why he’s missed so many council meetings due to business commitments yet he can drop everything at a moments notice to spend a week on the piss, paid for by the people of South Tyneside.

24
May
09

monkey clip

This week’s Monkey Clip is dedicated to the greediest bastard on South Tyneside Council.

Labour councillor Ernest Gibson, the Whiteleas sex machine known for his love of everything – as long as it’s free – managed to milk the council’s expenses system and claimed almost £5,000 for travel, hotel accommodation and meals.

Pay careful attention to the thing in the grey suit, he reminds Mr Monkey of council leader Iain Malcolm. The ‘baby’ also reminds this chimp of the new mayor, councillor John Anglin.

17
May
09

iain malcolm dares you tell people about mr monkey!

Seems council leader Iain Malcolm’s obsession to silence Mr Monkey has taken a new twist.

Bloggers will already know that Miss Piggy, aka councillor Iain Malcolm ordered senior officers of the council to bar access to Mr Monkey’s Blog from all council computers in a desperate attempt to stop council employees and councillors from reading about his disgraceful antics and what really goes on behind the closed doors of his pen office. CLICK HERE.

If that wasn’t enough, he tried to ban access to Mr Monkey’s Blog on council owned Blackberrys that are used by senior officers and councillors. CLICK HERE.

And even his brother, councillor Ed Malcolm unsuccessfully complained to the police after he recived a Christmas card from a  naughty ape. CLICK HERE.

Mr Monkey has also learned that public money has been used to buy legal advice in an effort to silence this chimp – more on this will follow. CLICK HERE, and HERE 

A senior councillor has unwittingly told Mr Monkey that his ape antics are driving Miss Piggy mad and he’s frustrated that all his attempts to silence the chimp fail.

Apparently he’s now resorted to intimidation to silence anyone who dares mention Mr Monkeys Blog and has threatened to take disciplinary action against any council employee who dares mention Mr Monkey by name.

This chimp was now been told that councillor Iain Malcolm has stepped up his campaign of intimidation and is now using the council’s Standards Committee in a last ditch attempt to stop people referring to Mr Monkey’s Blog.

Apparently an opposition councillor has been reported to the Standards Committee for daring to refer to Mr Monkey’s Blog – the councillor has been charged with promoting a political blog that disrespects both councillors and council officers.

Mr Monkey reckons other local bloggers, newspapers (except the Shields Gazette who already do as they are told) and anyone who dares talk about local politics in their workplaces, pubs, clubs and even their own homes better beware, the fat sow in the town hall is out to get you.

16
May
09

the monkey clip returns

This time last week council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy was in his element sat in his pen with his tits exposed watching his piglets arguing over who’d get to suck on them first and he knew they’d all want to impress him because he was about to handout his yearly treats.

Now that the dust has settled and Miss Piggy’s tits are returning to normal, Mr Monkey thought he’d dedicate this week’s Monkey Clip to all those poor bastards who got fuck all.

Keep your eye on the little pig in the corner, he’s called Tom and it seems that the fat sow has rejected the poor runt and has decided not to feed him anymore and this chimp reckons it’s time Tom tried his luck elsewhere – give your mate Bernard a call and he’ll send a bus for you.

15
May
09

councillor gibson is top of the class when it comes to expenses

'Caught! Who's paying for that Ernest?'

'Caught! Who's paying for that Ernest?'

Over the last 2 days Mr Monkey has revealed how Conservative group leader David Potts, and his colleague Jeff Milburn have milked the expenses system by pocketing nearly £7,000 in just 12 months. CLICK HERE and HERE.

Today Mr Monkey can reveal that screwing the expenses system is not exclusively a Tory thing. It seems that the local Labour party were keen to get in on the act; they have the greediest bastard of them all.

According to figures released earlier this week, Labour councillor Ernest Gibson, who represents Whiteleas, tops the list when it comes to expense claims. In 2008 – 09 he claimed nearly £5, 000 for travel, hotels and subsistence – that’s almost £100 a week. 

Councillor Gibson who is renowned for his love of freebies and can more often than not be found downing large quantities of alcohol and stuffing his ample frame at the buffet table – all funded by the taxpayer – claimed £3,431 in travel expenses and £1,500 for hotels and meals.  

It seems councillor Gibson’s appetite for all things free and his desire to screw the system knows no bounds, but then Mr Monkey reckons he’ll tell the public that it’s all within the rules – so isn’t it time the rules were changed Ernest?

10
Mar
09

flash @ your expense

Seems the Gazette Labour Gazetteer is once again hiding the truth from it’s dwindling readership. Either that or new owner Miss Piggy, aka council leader Iain Malcolm has put his foot down.

According to this article CLICK HERE the Mayor, councillor Alex Donaldson, officially switched on the Flash @ Hebburn art installation – costing £150,000 – on Saturday night.

But Mr Monkey has learned that a select group of councillors and officers had a private viewing much earlier, yet there was no mention of this in the article. Surely these scroungers haven’t developed a conscounce have they?

The council’s junket held earlier in the week, allowed a select few to enjoy a private viewing of the Flash @ Hebburn from the river without the risk of getting cold, wet, muddy or having to mix with local people who may have questioned them about wasting £150,000 on a dozen lights on 8 metre high columns programmed to flash at people walking along the river, especially when the council has just approved an increase in care charges for the elderly and the cost of their meals.

Mr Monkey can now reveal that this exclusive trip was paid for from the public purse and included the cost of chartering the ferry, food, drinks and taxis to take the ‘leeches’ home.

30
Jan
09

Gazette Set To Enter Partnership With Council

Judging by the quality of yesterday’s toilet paper, the Shields Gazette, it seems times are hard. 

Owners Johnston Press are concerned about falling circulation, declining advertising revenues and this has inevitably led to speculation as to the long term future of the paper. They’ve already imposed a pay freeze on staff, offered staff voluntary redundancy and have consigned the Jarrow and Hebburn edition to the dustbin – leaving only a single South Shields edition. Despite these measures it seems the owners want more.

This morning there is fevered speculation that a number of proof readers are to be offered early retirement on the grounds of ill health. Apparently they’re suffering from poor eye sight which probably explains why the Gazette has so many mistakes in it.

No one was available to comment at Johnston Press headquarters in Edinburgh but Mr Monkey was able to speak to the editor of the Gazette.

Papa John Szymanski said,

“I would like to thank our proof readers for their dedication over the years and wish them well in their retirement.

We will not be replacing them as we have decided to expand our partnership with South Tyneside Council and I am delighted to announce that from 1st February the council’s Communication Department will be taking on the role of proof reading, censorship, design and final editing. This way I won’t have to spend so much time in the town hall and on the phone to my paymaster, council leader Iain Malcolm.

This is a partnership made in heaven, the council gets what it wants – total control of the Gazette and I get to do even less work than I do now and have first choice on all the leftovers at the council’s buffets. Iain has even promised that sausage rolls will be on every council buffet menu from February 1st.”

Mr Monkey reckons this probably explains yesterday’s fuck up where the same article advertising a ward surgery appeared on pages 13 and 45. Although whoever was responsible must have had a sense of humour because the picture they used of Ugly Betty, aka councillor McMillan did her now favours. It seems she’s piled on the beef or her face is swollen form some other activity – when did the Ark Royal arrive?

Either way she’s one hell of an ugly fucker and Mr Monkey reckons he’ll be quids in if he takes her trick or treating next Halloween – the folks on the Lawe Top would give you anything as long as they didn’t have to open the door to Ugly Betty.




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