Archive for the 'Grandad' Category

17
Mar
09

another photo opportunity for Miss Piggy

Seems council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy is using the publicly funded council press propaganda office to further his political ambitions by staging another photo opportunity with children. CLICK HERE.

 Anyone who knows Miss Piggy will confirm that there’s more chance of the pope fathering a child than there is of Miss Piggy shagging a woman. They’ll also tell you how uncomfortable he is when he’s around children – but hey, he’s able to conquer his fear of children if it means he’ll get some media exposure.

A while back a leading charity accused politicians of “cynically misusing” children in their campaigns. The NSPCC said they were “appalled to see children being used as props or being pointedly vilified in an attempt to win votes” and cited the use of children in pre-arranged photo opportunities.

 

Mr Monkey reckons politicians should be campaigning for children rather than using them for electioneering purposes. Children are citizens who deserve action – in the areas of health, tax, the economy, law and order and transport, as well as education and social policy.

 

Might it be even more cynical of this chimp to suggest that politicians “cynically misuse” anyone and everyone if it suits them? 

08
Mar
09

monkey clip

Mr Monkey has been told that councillor Alan Kerr, aka Mr Tits didn’t look too well at the recent full council meeting so this chimp thought he’d cheer him up by dedicating this week’s Monkey Clip to the dirty pervert.

10
Feb
09

The Buffon and The Hogg

Bill 'The Buffoon' Brady is set to be replaced by The Hogg

Bill 'The Buffoon' Brady is set to be replaced by The Hogg

Mr Monkey heard an interesting conversation in the members lounge recently about the impending sacking retirement of councillor Bill ‘The Buffoon’ Brady.

Apparently councillors Iain Malcolm and Barry Scorer have been secretly meeting to discuss their make up and things girlie the new cabinet and they’ve decided it’s time to get rid of The Buffoon .

As a sweetener, to protect his income they intend to offer him the chair of one of the lesser committees at this year’s Annual General Meeting, better known as the SWEETIE SHOP. This is when the piglets Labour councillors gather round Miss Piggy’s - aka Iain Malcolm’s – trough to see what scraps the old sow will throw at them.

Mr Monkey has learned that The Buffoon already suspects he’s about to be sacked from the cabinet and has started putting it about that he intends to retire in 2010 and not seek re-election. But like all Labour councillors he cannot leave without having the last word.

The Buffoon is trying to manoeuvre his 19 year old grandson, aptly named David Hogg into the vacant seat to ensure the Brady line continues, despite the fact that he has no political credentials other than being a member of the Westoe Labour party.

That said, he’s already got a reputation for being a piss head and is increasingly seen enjoying free hospitality at the expense of the council tax payer. This year he joined a select band of Labour councillors stuffing their faces and drinking whatever they could get their hands on at the Great North Run hospitality tent. He’s also got a reputation for being a lazy bastard who can’t get up in a morning; probably something to do with the fact that he works in the Atlantic and Vibe nightclubs.

With credentials like these he seems an ideal choice for Iain Malcolm’s sleazy world of local Labour politics.

15
Jan
09

McCabe Gets A Grandad Makeover

'Everyones favourite Grandad, councillor John McCabe'

'Everyones favourite Grandad, councillor John McCabe'

Labour’s obsession with spin and image seems to have finally reached Hebburn.

If the latest pictures of councillor McCabe in his Val Doonican look-alike jumpers and grandad cardigans are anything to go by, councillor McCabe seems to have had a Labour makeover and is now being portrayed as everyone’s favourite grandad figure – he’s even been given the grey look.

Councillor McCabe has always had a reputation for having a bit of a short fuse and reckons he’s a bit of a hard man; some of his Labour colleagues call him phsyco. This may also explain the allegations of domestic violence and why his wife has now divorced him.

Mr Monkey has learned that councillor Iain Malcolm is scared shit-less of councillor McCabe and feels the only way to control him is to keep him on his side. But he’s also worried that the the image of one of his lackeys in a Stella stained string vest will not go down well with voters and has decided it’s time to soften his image with a grandad makeover.

What next, councillor Spraggon to get a personality?




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