monkey clip

This Monkey Clip is dedicated to councillor Potts and his latest lackey, Lalon Amin.

Given the Tory Boy’s sudden interest in Bengali weddings, Mr Monkey reckons councillor Potts will find this Monkey Clip very useful, especially when it comes to practising his new wedding dance routine.

mr monkey calls it a day

'Mr Monkey calls it a day so he can return home to enjoy his retirement'

It’s been nearly a year since Mr Monkey burst on to the local political scene with the redesigned version of Mr Monkey’s Blog

.. and what a year it’s been.

This chimp had no idea of the effect his blog would have on politicians of all parties and senior council officers or the impact it would have on local politcs.

Mr Monkey quickly built up a following amongst local bloggers and within weeks, Mr Monkey’s Blog established itself as South Tyneside’s premier blog, much to the annoyance of some.

There have been many highlights during the last 12 months but Mr Monkey’s favourites are:-

• Ending councillor David Potts political career before it started by getting him deselected as the Tory candidate to fight Alistair Darling.
• Ensuring that the people of Washington East and Houghton knew what a devious and scheming individual Ed Malcom was. This played a major part  in his failure to become their prospective member of Parliament.
• Exposing council leader Iain Malcolm as an election fraudster.
• Knowing that Irene Lucas, the Chief Executive of South Tyneside Council could not control, manipulate or stop Mr Monkey and that his blog was the worst thing that happened to her in her local government career.
• Knowing that every politician feared being exposed on Mr Monkey’s Blog and despite what they said, knowing that everyone of them read it daily.
• Exposing Ed Malcolm’s long term affair with his ‘granny’, aka councillor Punchion
• ‘Outing’ Iain Malcolm.
• Continually thwarting the attempts of senior council officials to stop Mr Monkey’s Blog and reveal the identity of Mr Monkey.
• Frustrating South Tyneside’s most self opinionated blogger, the Fat Mackem Hobitt.
• Exposing Papa John Szymanski, editor of the local Malcolm Fanzine, aka the Shields Gazette as a Labour groupie, freeloader and that he sold his soul to Labour for the price of a sausage roll.
• Knowing that all the pseudonyms Mr Monkey has used will be around for years to come.

After achieving every goal Mr Monkey set himself - in record time - this chimp has decided to give his victims an early birthday present - Mr Monkey is going to call it a day on Thursday 30th July.

Mr Monkey has spent the last couple of months agonising over whether or not to retire and after talking it over with a few wiser chimps, he’s decided to take their advice and return to the jungle to enjoy his retirement and spend more time with his family.

Although Mr Monkey has decided to call it a day, he hasn’t yet made up his mind about whether to leave Mr Monkey’s Blog on the internet for future generations to enjoy or whether to remove it forever - that decision will be made on International Primate Day.

Make sure you stop by on Tuesday 1st September .. when all will be revealed.

tory councillor David Potts £12,000 expense claims

After yesterday’s pronouncements by the Conservative leader David Cameron concerning the dodgy expense claims of some of his colleagues i.e pay back the money or risk being booted out of the party, Mr Monkey can’t help wondering when councillor David Potts, the local Conservative group leader will join the newly formed  alliance of spineless progressives and the outcasts, who apparently want to be known as The Progressive Party and The Association on non Aligned Independent Councillors?

Regular readers of this blog will remember this post CLICK HERE

"After claiming nearly £12,000 in expenses he still can't afford a pair of sunglasses"

about councillor Potts record expense claim in 2005 when he claimed more than £2,251 – most of it was spent on First Class rail travel which just happened to be around the same time he claimed he was studying at Cambridge.

Mr Monkey can now reveal that councillor Potts has gone that extra mile in the last 12 months (2008 – 09) and has set another record by claiming a whooping  £3,393 in travel expenses and subsistence.

Interestingly this claim also coincides with the period that councillor Potts had been selected as the Conservative candidate to challenge Alistair Darling in Edinburgh – that is until Mr Monkey put paid to his political ambitions by revealing the sleazy alcohol fuelled antics of councillor Potts.

This chimp reckons that the people of South Tyneside unwittingly paid for his campaign jollies and will be stunned to learn that the council allowed him to get away with it.

Mr Monkey can also reveal that councillor Potts, who is allegedly in opposition has one of the worst attendance records on South Tyneside council,  but he’s still managed to claim nearly £12,000 in travel and subsistence since his election in late 2004.

This chimp reckons it’s time David Cameron turned his attention to some of his colleagues in local government, especially those who are blatantly ripping off the taxpayer with their exaggerated and probably fraudulent expense claims.

.. and Mr Monkey certainly intends to bring councillor Potts dubious expense claims to his attention.

monkey clip

Mr Monkey has been told that councillor Alan Kerr, aka Mr Tits didn’t look too well at the recent full council meeting so this chimp thought he’d cheer him up by dedicating this week’s Monkey Clip to the dirty pervert.

Potts Bats For Both Sides .. And Not Just Politically

'Love is in the air'

For months the King of Sleaze, councillor David Potts has been obsessed with unmasking the chimp behind Mr Monkey’s Blog.

Poor old Pudgy Face - little did he know that he came within a whisker of revealing the person behind the monkey on Tuesday night when he and his male ‘friend’ enjoyed an intimate meal at  Brunnelos No 5 restaurant, above the Wheatsheaf pub in Boldon.

Mr Monkey nearly choked on his starter when The King of Sleaze and his male companion entered the restaurant. They had a couple of pre-dinner drinks before siting down for their meal. They left about an hour later but Mr Monkey couldn’t see whether they were holding hands or not.

It seems councillor Potts has alot more in common with council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy than this chimp first thought – they’re both fond of faggots.

twat of the week

"TWAT OF THE WEEK"

Mr Monkey should have known that finding a ‘Twat of The Week’ was always going to be difficult once this picture of David ‘Birdman’ MacLean appeared, CLICK HERE. 

What this chimp didn’t realise was that there would be so many twats worthy of the title.

Contenders for this coveted award are:

• Karen Allen - for thinking a Tory has a chance of getting elected in South Shields.
• John Szymanski - for handing over editorial control of the Shields Gazette to his paymaster Iain Malcolm.
• The King of Sleaze, David Potts - for presenting the Tories budget whilst pissed.
• ‘Big’ Ed Malcolm - for confirming what the world already knows; he’s a blithering, stuttering idiot with the intelligence of a slug.
• The Patron Slut of Sailors, aka Audrey McMillan - who this week realised there’s no local election until 2010.
• Wilma Waggott, aka Linda - for remembering she represets Boldon Colliery and not Bede.
• Victor ‘is anyone home’ Thompson - for remembering what day of the week full council is held on.
• Mr Miserable, aka Tom Defty - for confirming what everyone knew, he’s joined the Real Independents because George ‘Red Rum’ Elsom promised to pay for his Christmas cards.
• Vodka Lil, aka Eileen Leask - for listening to council leader Iain Malcolm who convinced her to resign as a governor of Bamburgh School.

and the winner is .. Big Ed Malcolm.

The King of Sleaze – David Potts is back!

"The King of Sleaze is back"

Seems the double dealing twat, The King of Sleaze, councillor David Potts has surfaced from his sleazy bolt hole long enough to condemn the council’s bi monthly magazine; On View.

Apparently Pudgy Face Potts reckons it’s huge waste of taxpayers money and should be scrapped. Mr Monkey can’t help wondering whether Tory Boy Potts has a short memory, is just plain stupid or was born a fuckwit.

Mama’s boy seems to have forgotten that he was responsible for setting an all time record for a councillor’s travel expenses. He conned claimed nearly £2500 in first class rail journeys to travel to and from Cambridge where he reckons to have been studying. CLICK HERE and HERE.

He’s renowned for using the fact he’s a councillor to scrounge his way into nightclubs, private parties and events that cost money with his “do you know who I am” con.

Now Mr Monkey learns that he was bought off cheaply is eternally grateful to his sponsor Miss Piggy, aka councillor Iain Malcolm for giving him a place at the trough.

Apparently Miss Piggy gave him the position of Vice Chair of the Select Committee Environment, Housing and Transport and Safer and Stronger Communities which carries with it an annual payment of £7,056.

This chimp has taken a closer look at this committee and can reveal that it’s only met 6 times since May 2008 – that’s equal to £1,176 per meeting.

But as with all things connected to the King of Sleaze, nothing is ever what it seems. Councillor Potts has only attended 3 out of the 6 meetings so his price is £2,352 per meeting.

Now that’s what Mr Monkey calls a waste of money.

Bilbo Loves Ping Pong

'Mayor Baggins is considering using his mayor's allowance to buy himself a momento of his visit to the Flying Scotsman'

Last week Mr Monkey revealed how some South Tyneside councillors love nothing more than an away-day to London, especially if there’s a chance to pop in to the Flying Scotsman to watch some dirty tart strut her stuff; all for a bit of loose change, CLICK HERE 

Mr Monkey recalls a story he heard in the members lounge about soon to be mayor Bilbo Baggins, aka councillor John Anglin.

Apparently Bilbo had been in London for the day with a few of his cronies including Shrek, aka councillor Gibson and his Donkey, aka councillor Sewell when they decided to call in to their favourite watering hole for a quick drink fanny farm to see what tasty morsels were on the menu.

As soon as they entered this perverts paradise, they were approached by a rough looking Eastern European slapper, who even Shrek wouldn’t shag.

Luckily for Bilbo, this lass took a shine to him and kept shaking her empty pint glass at him – she was after a bit of loose change so she got get her kit off and perform her party trick. 

Bilbo quickly obliged and before he could say Gandalf, this dodgy slapper was on the stage dropping her draws and flashing her fanny for all to see.

Bilbo had never seen anything like it before and his glasses steamed up so quickly, Shrek had to provide him with demisting cloth – but the best was still to come.

Apparently Hobbits love ping pong and somebody had told the star of the show. No sooner had she finished exercising her fanny, she appeared with a box of ping pong balls.

This Queen of Sleaze crouched down, opened her legs and loaded her fanny with the full box of ping pong balls. She then turned towards Bilbo, gave him a quick wink and started to fire them in the direction of this ecstatic hobbit.

By now, Bilbo’s glasses were so steamed up he didn’t realise that he was being hit by ping pong balls and his suit was getting covered an unusual substance with a familiar odour.

It was only when Shrek and Donkey picked him up off the floor and helped him to the train for the journey back to Newcastle did he realise what he’d done.

This is when the guilt set in as he wondered how he’d explain the staining on his suit and the whiff of a kipper to Berylla Baggins, aka Chris Anglin.

Mr Monkey reckons the mayor’s secretary will have to keep an eye on the mayoral chains just in case Bilbo is tempted to swap the golden balls for the more familiar fishy type.

Monkey Clip

This week’s Monkey Clip is dedicated to all those South Tyneside councillors who love nothing better than a tart with their pint – and the rougher the better.

More Recycled Shit

Seems councillor Michael Clare’ obsession with recycling has now spread to the council’s press office.

Mr Monkey has noticed that ever since Miss Piggy, aka Iain Malcolm grabbed control of the council from Waggott the council has been recycling old policies and press releases in an attempt to look busy and con the residents of the borough in to believing that he’s actually doing something.

Mr Monkey nearly choked on his peanuts when he saw this blatant con by Miss Piggy and his stooges. CLICK HERE.  

But the piece de resistance has got to be this comment attributed to Mr Tits, aka councillor Alan Kerr,

“The Council is working hard to make its services more flexible and accessible to customers. Our easy to use website is an excellent resource and shows agendas and minutes for all major committees. Clicking on council agendas is a great way for local people to keep in touch with the decisions that affect their everyday lives from planning issues to refuse collections.”

Anyone who knows this dirty old bastard will tell you he couldn’t of dreamt this statement up even if Pamela Anderson was giving him a tit wank - the letch is not capable of spewing this shit.

Mr Monkey can confirm that this press release is nothing more than an attempt to fuck us and just shows the contempt this council has for the residents of South Tyneside.

For the record committee papers, agendas, reports and minutes have been available on line since 2002 so this press release is nothing more than a con.

Mr Monkey can’t wait to see what Mr Dumpy, aka Papa John Szymanski does with this press release given the fact that his obedient lackeys reporters have been using the council’s on-line links to access committee papers etc for the last 5 years.