Archive for the 'Pissed' Category

28
Jul
09

highlights: Vodka Lil Worried Sick

Seems Vodka Lil, Councillor Eileen Leask has something else other than being deselected to worry about today.

Apparently she is very worried about the impact of the new ‘drop in’ health centre planned for Cleadon Park on South Tyneside District Hospital, especially the A & E department, click here.

Mr Monkey reckons that the Gazette reporter, Paul Myles-Kelly should pay a bit more attention to spelling. If he had, he would have realised the Vodka Lil meant she was worried about the AA department!

Lets face it, Eileen Leask wouldn’t want everyone to know what a struggle it is to give up the vodka would she?

23
Jul
09

councillor sectioned following sacking

'Councillor Potts cannot cope with his demons'

'Councillor Potts cannot cope with his demons'

A year ago councillor David Potts was a rising star in the Conservative party after being selected as the Conservative Parliamentary candidate to stand against the Chancellor, Alistair Darling at the next general election.

Many Scottish Conservatives reckoned that he was destined for great things and even councillor David Potts believed that he would – at the very least become a  minister in the new Conservative administration – that was until Mr Monkey revealed his antics here in South Tyneside to the world.

Within months of exposing the ‘real David Potts’ any ambitions he had to make it to Westminster were over. The Scottish Conservatives took the unusual step of effectively sacking him by removing him as their candidate and replacing him with Edinburgh councillor, Jason Rust who ironically had been pictured with David Potts on a number of occasions.

Councillor Potts found it difficult to come to terms with this rejection and his life quickly spiralled downwards.

Publicly he tried to convince the world that he had ‘resigned’ because of his father’s ill health and when it was pointed out to him by people who knew his father that this wasn’ttrue, he changed his story and claimed that the real reason he resigned was so that he could return to South Tyneside to fight the far right threat posed by the BNP.

He attended one meeting hosted by the leader of South Tyneside Council and to date no further meetings have been held.

Those close to councillor Potts feared for his safety and mental wellbeing as his behaviour became more erratic. They noticed that his drink problem had became more profound, he started to talk to imaginary beings and became increasing paranoid – he thought he was being followed by monkeys and started to see chimps everywhere.

This paranoia was coupled with depression, something he had suffered from as a child. He found it difficult to cope with and eventually retreated into his own world, he refused to answer his telephone, speak to anyone and then disappeared.

Some people thought he’d gone on holiday but Mr Monkey can now reveal that he returned to Scotland in an attempt to tackle his Edinburgh demons, but bottled it at the last minute and ended up in Glasgow.

He thought he was safe there where he could hide amongst the down and outs, tramps, alcoholics and drug addicts - that was until a jogger spotted him in the infamous Glasgow Green on the banks of the Clyde and called the police.

Apparently when the police arrived they found him unconscious on a park bench dressed in khaki shorts, a beige tshirt and a pith helmet. He was surrounded by a dozen toy monkeys, some of which had been mutilated and a fluffy chimp hanging from the tree above him in what appeared to have been a mock execution.

When the police roused him he refused to acknowledge their presence, pulled out a water pistol and started to ‘shoot’ the toy monkeys. He even tried to kiss and cuddle 2 blue monkeys which he kept referring to us Maggie and Smeagol.

At this point the police decided to ‘protect’ him and took him to the Gartnavel Royal Hospital where he was detained under section 4 of the Mental Health Act.

Mr Monkey can reveal that councillor Potts - who has a history of mental illness - is now hoping he can use his own experiences to change people’s perception of menal health and is campaigning for the law to be changed.

PART 2 WILL FOLLOW SHORTLY

17
Jul
09

mr united set to challenge labour

Any day now Steady Eddie, aka councillor McAtominey the disgraced Labour councillor and convicted felon will learn whether or not he’s to be booted out of the Labour party.

Councillor McAtominey, who was suspended from the Labour party last year after being arrested on suspicion of drink driving and was later convicted of failing to provide a sample has had his case referred to the National Executive of the Labour party after Labour North shirked their responsibilities and failed to terminate his membership.

Steady Eddie made things worse for himself when he was arrested for a second time and charged with drink driving. This time he pleaded guilty and was banned from driving.

Councillor McAtominey is no stranger to controversy – he was suspended from the Labour party for 4 years after he was caught cheating on printing tenders with the help of his now wife councillor Nancy Maxwell, who was a union employee and his accomplice.

Mr Monkey has been told by an insider that councillor McAtominey has decided that if he’s thrown out of the Labour party he will not stand down as a councillor but instead he will cross the floor and become an Independent, so will his wife councillor Maxwell.

Apparently they’ve already discussed this with their friend and Labour party thug enforcer, councillor John McCabe and councillor McAtominey is telling those close to him that councillor McCabe is  likely to follow him and rejoin the ranks of the Independents after first being elected as an Independent and then crossing the floor to Labour.

Steady Eddie is predicting that he’s the man to unite the opposition groups and that he will lead the challenge on Labour. He’s determined to go down in history as the man that killed off the Malcolms.

Good luck Mr United – this chimp is looking forward to seeing you in action once again, but this time with the support of some ferocious allies instead of the fuckwits you currently share the benches with.

13
Jul
09

mcatominey in another drunken incident

Seems Labour councillor Eddie  ‘hic’ McAtominey may have fucked up again after hitting the bottle early on Friday morning.

This time he verbally abused someone delivering leaflets in Sullivan Walk, Hebburn around 10.30am on Friday. Apparently Steady Eddie flew into a drunken rage when he received a copy of the Indy Alliance’s borough wide newsletter and started shouting insults at the person delivering it.

Shortly after this incident he received a visit from the distribution company to discuss his abusive comments and instead of showing remorse he just repeated his drunken abuse – only this time they were recorded.

Mr Monkey has been told that councillor McAtominey will be reported to the Standards Board of England, Labour North and the police for his disgraceful behaviour, not that this fuckwit gives a damn .. but his wife and fellow councillor Nancy Maxwell might.

04
Jul
09

city whiz kid or a mammy’s boy?

Mr Monkey has noticed that the King of Sleaze, David Potts behaviour is becoming increasingly erratic and that his nose is slowly changing shape.

Several weeks ago this chimp asked a source close to Pudgy Face to listen carefully to the way he talks – he wanted to know how often he spoke through his nose. Mr Monkey also wanted to know how frequently he blows his nose and whether the rumours about him always having a runny nose were true.

For sometime Mr Monkey has been concerned about councillor Potts health, especially his drink problem. But now this chimp is wondering whether Tory Boy’s erratic behaviour can be explained by some other type of addiction.

The King of Sleaze tries to portray himself as a financial whiz kid and judging by his Twitter he fancies himself as a hard nose city boy.

Unfortunately he’s too lazy to get of his arse and move to where the real action or is he worried about being exposed as a fraud?

As well as his normal outlet for spouting his shite, he’s now using Twitter to to con us into believing that it all happens in the Red Lion Boldon.

He talks about flash restaurants, parties, quayside apartments, saunas and wild holidays. But strangely there’s no mention of fast cars, something that’s synonymous with succesful city traders.

Could this have something to do with the fact that he no longer drives after being caught using his dad’s car before he was old enough to get a licence?

Despite all his fancy talk, what Tory Boy doesn’t tell you is that being a ‘high flyer’ means you have to live at home with your mam .. Yes at 26, Pudgy Face is still a mammy’s boy!

Coming soon … the dangerous side effects of cocaine.

11
Jun
09

steady eddie’s big day looms

Mr Monkey wonders how many bloggers remember councillor Eddie McAtominey’s brush with the law?

Last year councillor McAtominey was charged with failing to provide a sample when he was pulled over by the police on suspicion of drink driving. CLICK HERE.

His attitude at the time was defiant and he continually protested his innocence .. that is until he was caught a second time. CLICK HERE.

This time he pleaded guilty and was banned from driving and fined £400. Shortly afterwards he also changed his plea to the first charge and admitted his guilt.

Councillor McAtominey was forced to resign his lucrative paid positions on the Northumbria Police Authority and the council’s decision making cabinet and he was also suspended from the Labour party.

Blogers will recall that this is not the first time he’s been suspended – the first time was when he was caught manipulating the tender process in favour of his own company.

Mr Monkey over heard an interesting conversation in the town hall earlier today, apparently councillor McAtominey’s disciplinary hearing – before Labour North – will take place in the next few days and that whilst he has the full backing of his colleagues in the Jarrow Labour party, the outcome has already been determined – he will be thrown out of the Labour party.

Seemingly council leader Iain Malcolm has used his influence to get rid of his main rival for the leadership of the council.

Mr Monkey can’t help wondering whether councillor McAtominey might use councillor Iain Malcolm’s own driving ban as a precedent for why he should not be hounded out of the party.

02
Jun
09

councillor harrison takes the lead in the french connection

"which way to the free beer tent"

"which way to the free beer tent"

It didn’t take long for Indy councillor Steve Harrison to live up to his reputation of being a freeloader now that his shackles have been removed.

Councillor Harrsion left the Indy Alliance in May to become a ‘stand alone independent’ but within days he joined a new group called the association of misfits non aligned independents and progressives.

It now seems that his price for leaving the Indy Alliance was not the promise of a paid position but the chance to go on a few freebies at the taxpayers expense.

Since being elected by the people of Fellgate and Hedworth to oppose the Labour party he has regularly jumped into bed with them in exchange for a chance to live it up at the public’s expense – councillor Harrison’s loves nothing better than a freebie especially if it means he can get pissed without putting his hand in his pocket.

Mr Monkey has now learned that as well as his taxpayer funded trips to Belfast, London and Bournmouth councillor Harrison has gone continental. On Monday he joined a large delegation of scroungers on a week long trip to Epinay-ser-Seine on the outskirts of Paris, France – funded by the taxpayer.

It seems that even the publicity loving leader of the council thinks the trip might be a sensitive issue at a time when MP’s expenses have angered so many people. This might explain the absence of any coverage in the Labour party fanzine, aka the Shields Gazette and of course there’s the small matter of rubbing his Jarrow and Hebburn colleagues noses in it – no wonder he’s told those around him not to say anything about the trip.

Mr Monkey can’t wait to see how councillor Harrison is going to explain this one to the people that elected him to oppose a regime renowned for it’s abuse of public money. Whilst he’s at it he might want to explain why he’s missed so many council meetings due to business commitments yet he can drop everything at a moments notice to spend a week on the piss, paid for by the people of South Tyneside.

17
Apr
09

exclusive: tory councillor David Potts gets almost £1,200 for every council meeting he attends

'No wonder the bastard's smiling, he can afford an escort when he gets £1,176 for every council meeting he attends'

'No wonder the bastard's smiling, he can afford an escort when he gets £1,176 for every council meeting he attends'

Mr Monkey would like to thank the other local blogger for drawing his attention to the attendances of certain councillors.

He seems to have selectively singled out the poor attendance record of councillor Allen Branley, the not quite as bad record of councillor Jane Branley and the “ever present” records of councillor Victor Thompson and Ahmed Khan.

So Mr Monkey thought he’d take a closer look at the Hobbit’s hero – the King of Sleaze and ‘Totty Magnet’ – Tory Boy David Potts attendance record, and what an eye opener it was.

Below are Pudgy Face’s attendance rates up to 15 April 2009 and they have been taken from the council’s own website.

Clearly, he only attends full council meetings for the attention. He has no respect for sub committee’s, and cant be bothered to go to even 1 CAF meeting, they only council structure that deals directly with his ward members.

Labour council leader Iain Malcolm bought Tory Boy’s loyalty by giving him a Scrutiny vice-chair position, which the members allowance scheme shows pays £7056 in addition to his basic allowance of £7056  and this is how he conned more than £14,000 out of the public purse earned his money.

1. BOROUGH COUNCIL
11 MEETINGS
10 ATTENDANCES 
= 90 % RATE

2. LICENSING COMMITTEE
17 MEETINGS
0 ATTENDANCE  
= 0 % ATTENDANCE RATE

3. BOLDON CLEADON AND WHITBURN CAF
9 MEETINGS
0 ATTENDANCES
0 % RATE

4. REGULATORY COMMITTEE
8 MEETINGS, 7 CANCELLED
0 ATTENDANCES
0 % RATE

5. HUMAN RESOURCES COMMITTEE
8 MEETINGS
0 ATTENDANCES
0 % RATE

6. SELECT COMMITTEE ENVIRONMENT HOUSING AND TRANSPORT AND SAFER AND STRONGER COMMUNITIES COMMITTEE – VICE CHAIR
8 MEETINGS
2 ATTENDANCES
25 % RATE

7. APPOINTMENTS SUB COMMITTEE
8 MEETINGS
0 ATTENDANCES
% RATE

8. SCRUTINY COMMISSION ON ENVIRONMENTAL ENFORCEMENT – VICE CHAIR
7 MEETINGS
0 ATTENDANCES

9. SCRUTINY COMMISSION ON IMPROVING DELIVERY OF TRANSPORT AND PEDESTRIAN INFRASTRUCTURE -VICE CHAIR
2 MEETINGS
0 ATTENDANCES
0 % RATE

SUMMARY AS AT 15 APRIL 2009
POSSIBLE MEETINGS -71
ATTENDANCES – 12
OVERALL ATTENDANCE RATE % – 17%

Total amount that can be claimed by Pudgy Face, councillor David Potts is £14,112 or £1,176 per meeting attended – not bad work if you can get it!

17
Mar
09

prohibtion or punishing the innocent?

'Beat the taxman, brew your own'

'Beat the taxman, brew your own'

It seems the similarities between today’s economic downturn and the great depression of the 1930′s are becoming more obvious by the day and following Sir Liam Donaldson’s (the chief medicalofficer) announcement on Friday about dramatically increasing the price of a unit of alcohol to allegedly curb binge drinking Mr Monkey reckons Nu-Labour are well on the way to matching that other great achievement of the 1920s and 30s; prohibition.

Anyone with an iota of sense knew that the health lobby were’nt going to stop at cigarettes. It took them long enough to get to the stage where smokers are now treated as pariahs, but they got there. Now, with tax on the things high and getting higher, the cancer sticks being banned from pubs, clubs, workplaces etc., advertising banned, health care services denied to those that won’t give up, patronising ads on TV et al to tell us to stop smoking by making people feel like war criminals if they still light up… the campaign has been templated, noted and laid out to follow in future. The only question is which of the two issues will be battered first? Fast Food, or Drink.

So, Sir Liam Donaldson, with the undoubted patronising acquiescence of the BBC, put forward his agenda on Friday. It isn’t too much of hearing stories like the one where a mother was stopped from buying a bottle of wine in case she gave it to her 14 year old daughter who was food shopping with her. If it isn’t that whatever tax or levy is put on the stuff, the drinks cabinet at the British Medical Association or the House of Commons will probably be liberally stocked, and lightly taxed, and also subsidised in the worst way by the taxpaying saps who will be victims of any policy. If it isn’t because the state believes they need to save us from ourselves, so we can fund their nonsensical bailout policies. No, Sir Liam believes that alcohol should have a minimum price based on the alcohol units in a drink.

The people will rebel on this one, because the vast majority of us like a drink. Mr Monkey included.

Do you know what, this chimp admits being drunk in his time and …

  • You know how many people he’s beaten up or knifed when drunk?
  • You know how many times he’s been to hospital as a result of being drunk?
  • You know how many times he’s been arrested for being of being drunk?

The answer is zero.

Apparently Sir Liam is proposing, in ever such an egalitarian way that because some people have a drink problem and behave like reprobates and cads, and despite having laws to stop them, if they are enforced properly, because of them, you want to punish everyone.

Thank fuck there’s an election looming, Labour’s fear of being cast into the wilderness should put an end to this fuckwit idea – at least for now but Mr Monkey predicts that tough measures to limit the sale of alcohol are on the way.

05
Mar
09

Potts Bats For Both Sides .. And Not Just Politically

'Love is in the air'

'Love is in the air'

For months the King of Sleaze, councillor David Potts has been obsessed with unmasking the chimp behind Mr Monkey’s Blog.

Poor old Pudgy Face - little did he know that he came within a whisker of revealing the person behind the monkey on Tuesday night when he and his male ‘friend’ enjoyed an intimate meal at  Brunnelos No 5 restaurant, above the Wheatsheaf pub in Boldon.

Mr Monkey nearly choked on his starter when The King of Sleaze and his male companion entered the restaurant. They had a couple of pre-dinner drinks before siting down for their meal. They left about an hour later but Mr Monkey couldn’t see whether they were holding hands or not.

It seems councillor Potts has alot more in common with council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy than this chimp first thought – they’re both fond of faggots.




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