Archive for the 'Snooze-paper' Category

21
Jul
09

mr monkey calls it a day

'Mr Monkey calls it a day so he can go home'

'Mr Monkey calls it a day so he can return home to enjoy his retirement'

It’s been nearly a year since Mr Monkey burst on to the local political scene with the redesigned version of Mr Monkey’s Blog

.. and what a year it’s been.

This chimp had no idea of the effect his blog would have on politicians of all parties and senior council officers or the impact it would have on local politcs.

Mr Monkey quickly built up a following amongst local bloggers and within weeks, Mr Monkey’s Blog established itself as South Tyneside’s premier blog, much to the annoyance of some.

There have been many highlights during the last 12 months but Mr Monkey’s favourites are:-

  • Ending councillor David Potts political career before it started by getting him deselected as the Tory candidate to fight Alistair Darling.
  • Ensuring that the people of Washington East and Houghton knew what a devious and scheming individual Ed Malcom was. This played a major part  in his failure to become their prospective member of Parliament.
  • Exposing council leader Iain Malcolm as an election fraudster.
  • Knowing that Irene Lucas, the Chief Executive of South Tyneside Council could not control, manipulate or stop Mr Monkey and that his blog was the worst thing that happened to her in her local government career.
  • Knowing that every politician feared being exposed on Mr Monkey’s Blog and despite what they said, knowing that everyone of them read it daily.
  • Exposing Ed Malcolm’s long term affair with his ‘granny’, aka councillor Punchion
  • ‘Outing’ Iain Malcolm.
  • Continually thwarting the attempts of senior council officials to stop Mr Monkey’s Blog and reveal the identity of Mr Monkey.
  • Frustrating South Tyneside’s most self opinionated blogger, the Fat Mackem Hobitt.
  • Exposing Papa John Szymanski, editor of the local Malcolm Fanzine, aka the Shields Gazette as a Labour groupie, freeloader and that he sold his soul to Labour for the price of a sausage roll.
  • Knowing that all the pseudonyms Mr Monkey has used will be around for years to come.

After achieving every goal Mr Monkey set himself – in record time – this chimp has decided to give his victims an early birthday present – Mr Monkey is going to call it a day on Thursday 30th July.

Mr Monkey has spent the last couple of months agonising over whether or not to retire and after talking it over with a few wiser chimps, he’s decided to take their advice and return to the jungle to enjoy his retirement and spend more time with his family.

Although Mr Monkey has decided to call it a day, he hasn’t yet made up his mind about whether to leave Mr Monkey’s Blog on the internet for future generations to enjoy or whether to remove it forever – that decision will be made on International Primate Day.

Make sure you stop by on Tuesday 1st September .. when all will be revealed.

11
Jul
09

captured: monkey’s whereabouts revealed

'false alarm'

'false alarm'

Seems Mr Monkey’s hiding place may have been uncovered. At least that’s if you believe what you read in the Malcolm Fanzine, aka Shields Gazette.

Sadly for Iain and Ed Malcolm, aka the Chuckle Brothers it’s not the monkey that they’d like to see back behind bars, for that they’d need to look a bit closer to home. CLICK HERE.

27
Apr
09

twat of the week

'Twat of the Week .. again'

'Twat of the Week .. again'

There’s only one contender for the Twat of the Week award and that’s Papa John Szymanski, the Labour party lackey who moonlights as the editor of the Shields Gazette Malcolm Fanzine.

According to this post CLICK HERE he did’nt take kindly to being told the truth about his unhealthy relationship with Labour council leader, Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy. 

Papa John ignored his own senior management, preferring instead to seek the advice of alleged election fraudster councillor Iain Malcolm. Apparently he told him to use the council’s code of conduct to lodge a formal complaint against the author of the article.

Unfortunately Papa John didn’t think of the consequences of his actions and in his desperation to stop any criticism he’s allowed the Shields Gazette to become the biggest joke in the North East, whilst at the same time he has become a figure of ridicule within his profession.

Congratulations Mr Szymanski with poor judgement like this, you deserve the titleTwat of the Week and perhaps it’s time your other employer, Johnston Press took decisive action against you.

16
Mar
09

trouble at Jarrow school

Seems there’s a rabbit away at Jarrow School.

Apparently South Tyneside council’s education department , the headmaster and the school’s governors are covering up some of the school’s failings who with the help of the council’s propaganda office are telling parents via the Shields Gazette Labour Gazetteer what a wonderful and high achieving establishment Jarrow School is.

The reality is that the Jarrow School is seriously failing many pupils year on year since the present inexperienced Head took over in 2005.

The most important GCSEs for Maths and English have dropped to 23% this year, yet the Lead member for Education, Jim ‘on the buses’ Foreman congratulated the school in the local snooze papaer for improving results!

What they did’nt mention was that the GCSEs which have improved are of no serious value and include ones such as cookery and silly subjects which the children CANNOT FAIL

The Council is allowing this incompetent Head to hide behind these results instead of taking action for the severe decline in the important GCSEs.

A quick look at OFSTED’s website will confirm that the current Head’s previous School, Congleton High School in Cheshire received a terrible report 18 months before he got the job at Jarrow School, bearing in mind Jarrow School was in a very poor state at the time the Council were duty bound to check this persons previous experience and Headships they clearly did not and panicked to appoint somebody much to the detriment of the pupils for the past 4 years.

The Headmaster loves appearing in the local snooze paper and was recently bragging that he had been invited to London by the SSAT (Specialist Schools and academies Trust ) for his GCSE results, it was hypocritical of him to have the neck to turn up at this event given the school’s true achievements.

15
Mar
09

Twit of The Week

'It's official, councillor Khan is a tweet"

'It's official, councillor Khan is a tweet"

This week’s Twat Twit of the Week award goes to Independent councillor Ahmed Khan who according to the Shields Gazette Labour Gazetteer loves nothing better than a twitter.

It seems  councillor Khan has joined the fastest growing phenomenon on the internet and becomes the first councillor in South Tyneside to be officially classed as a twat twit.

 Mr Monkey reckons it won’t be long before councillor Khan is joined by some of his colleagues – apparently being a twat twit is fashionable. But for others like the King of Sleaze, Tory councillor David Potts, it’s a chance for him to live up to his reputation and for his twat like antics to be finally recognised!

15
Mar
09

what’s in a name?

Anyone who’s heard Papa John talk about the local media scene will confirm that he’s worried about STCentral TV.

He’s concerned about them scooping the Gazette on stories but he’s desperately worried about the potential loss of advertising revenue to the borough’s only dedicated internet TV channel, especially as he is coming under increasing financial pressure by his bosses.

A quick look at STCentral will confirm that for once he may be right. Colmans who rarely advertise in the Gazette and Hays Travel both have adverts running on STCentral for the first time.

Mr Monkey can’t help wondering whether Papa John is capable of responding to this challenge and reckons the competition are going to be laughing all the way to the bank.

Readers of the Gazettee will have noticed that Papa John is guilty of plagiarism by re-naming the Gazette’s piss poor video clips as Gazette TV.

This chimp would like to remind Mr Szymanski that changing a name doesn’t guarantee success and shows just how worried he is about the threat STCentral TV pose.

11
Mar
09

is the council trying to cover up what local people really think?

Last autumn South Tyneside Council was ordered to carry out a PLACE SURVEY by the government and it seems that senior council officers and don’t like the results.

South Tyneside like all other councils were required to undertake a Place Survey in their area between September and December 2008 and every 2 years thereafter.

The survey is designed to measure how residents experience life in South Tyneside, what they think about the place and their satisfaction with a range of local public services. It also provides information for 18 of the national performance indicators that all local councils are measured against.

The survey was a random postal survey and in order to ensure the results were reliable the council needed 1,100 completed questionnaires. The results are then weighted to reflect the profile of the population in each council area.

South Tyneside Council is facing a severe rap on the knuckles for delaying the publication of the national survey into council services. The surevy was due for national publication about 10 days ago, with the best performers getting slaps on the back and the kudos that goes with it – something that council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy and his chief executive, Irene Lucas, aka the Dominatrix keep ramming down the publics throat.

However, South Tyneside Council, seems to have taken thier ball home because they haven’t been able to manipulate the results to suit their own agenda and spin the truth about what people really think.

Senior officers and members have deliberately tried to sabotage the process in an attempt to keep the details of the survey secret and are trying to clog up the system by raising multiple queries on the results with the Audit Commission, as the national results make South Tyneside look very bad.

These queries have been spurious in the extreme, but have resulted in the Audit Commission delaying the publication due to a threat from South Tyneside to take it to a ministerial level – Mr Monkey can’t help wondering who that King Street loving shopaholic could be?

Senior officers and members are running scared of being found out for what they really are and for being held to account for their negligence in mismanaging the borough?

Perhaps Miss Piggy would like to tell this chimp when he can expect to read about this in the Shields Labour Gazetteer?




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