Archive for the 'Twat of the Year' Category

21
Jul
09

mr monkey calls it a day

'Mr Monkey calls it a day so he can go home'

'Mr Monkey calls it a day so he can return home to enjoy his retirement'

It’s been nearly a year since Mr Monkey burst on to the local political scene with the redesigned version of Mr Monkey’s Blog

.. and what a year it’s been.

This chimp had no idea of the effect his blog would have on politicians of all parties and senior council officers or the impact it would have on local politcs.

Mr Monkey quickly built up a following amongst local bloggers and within weeks, Mr Monkey’s Blog established itself as South Tyneside’s premier blog, much to the annoyance of some.

There have been many highlights during the last 12 months but Mr Monkey’s favourites are:-

  • Ending councillor David Potts political career before it started by getting him deselected as the Tory candidate to fight Alistair Darling.
  • Ensuring that the people of Washington East and Houghton knew what a devious and scheming individual Ed Malcom was. This played a major part  in his failure to become their prospective member of Parliament.
  • Exposing council leader Iain Malcolm as an election fraudster.
  • Knowing that Irene Lucas, the Chief Executive of South Tyneside Council could not control, manipulate or stop Mr Monkey and that his blog was the worst thing that happened to her in her local government career.
  • Knowing that every politician feared being exposed on Mr Monkey’s Blog and despite what they said, knowing that everyone of them read it daily.
  • Exposing Ed Malcolm’s long term affair with his ‘granny’, aka councillor Punchion
  • ‘Outing’ Iain Malcolm.
  • Continually thwarting the attempts of senior council officials to stop Mr Monkey’s Blog and reveal the identity of Mr Monkey.
  • Frustrating South Tyneside’s most self opinionated blogger, the Fat Mackem Hobitt.
  • Exposing Papa John Szymanski, editor of the local Malcolm Fanzine, aka the Shields Gazette as a Labour groupie, freeloader and that he sold his soul to Labour for the price of a sausage roll.
  • Knowing that all the pseudonyms Mr Monkey has used will be around for years to come.

After achieving every goal Mr Monkey set himself - in record time - this chimp has decided to give his victims an early birthday present - Mr Monkey is going to call it a day on Thursday 30th July.

Mr Monkey has spent the last couple of months agonising over whether or not to retire and after talking it over with a few wiser chimps, he’s decided to take their advice and return to the jungle to enjoy his retirement and spend more time with his family.

Although Mr Monkey has decided to call it a day, he hasn’t yet made up his mind about whether to leave Mr Monkey’s Blog on the internet for future generations to enjoy or whether to remove it forever - that decision will be made on International Primate Day.

Make sure you stop by on Tuesday 1st September .. when all will be revealed.

10
Jun
09

eurocar: a regular contributor to mr monkey’s blog

On Monday Mr Monkey said he would publish a list of all the comments on his site that used the eurocar@hotmail.com and eurocar@hotmail.co.uk CLICK HERE.

This followed revelations that council leader Iain Malcolm was behind at least two comments left on Mr Monkey’s Blog during the recent taxpayer funded councillors jolly to France and that he or one of his stooges – most likely councillor Steve Harrison - used the eurocar e-mail address to post the comments.

Mr Monkey also revealed that there seemed to be a link between eurocar and Iain Malcolm. Comments left on this site suggest that the link is councillor Steve Harrison – apparently he owns a company called eurocar and that this company recently won a lucartive contract to supply transport services for the elderly. 

Mr Monkey can now reveal that the eurocar e-mail address has been used around 90 times to post comments on this site (under various names) and they have nearly always come from the same IP address - until the French jolly.

The style, tone and terminology of these comments is indentical except for the two comments written by Iain Malcom whilst he was in France. Ironically the other 88 comments left by councillor Harrison demonstrates what he really thinks about his colleagies and Mr Monkey reckons they will be overjoyed at the prospect of having this eloquent and confused individual in their ranks.

Here are some of the comments that have appear to have been posted by Steve Harrison from the eurocar address – to help put them in context, Mr Monkey has also included a link to the original post:-

On George Elsom ..

Recon a lot of Councillors in South Tyneside wished he broke his fuckin neck.Heard a canny story about the time he shit his pants on the golf course when one of his mates threatend the Bastard, maybe Mr Monkey would like me to share it with his bloggers?
http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/12/31/twat-of-the-year/

George ‘ive pissed me pants’ Elsom, is coming towards the end of his political life. He was bought very cheaplyoff Iain’miss piggy’Malcolm and a shit vice chair was all he had to show for it. His Missus Olive – had the embarrasment of one of the lowest ever votes in South Tyneside, what a sorry loser u are George. You have no hope of ever getting elected again, because the Indys are going to hammer your ward when its your turn to stand, Better still every other opposition party wants u gone including Labour. Ha ha ha bought for a poxy vice chair then sailed down the tyne like a peice of shit.
http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/12/31/twat-of-the-year/

On David Potts .. 

Apparantly his Dick dont work to well according to one Scrubber from the Cottage pub in Cleadon.
http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2009/01/24/the-prince-of-sleaze/

I thought Fat pigs flew not took the train?
http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/12/29/review-2008-the-fat-controller-claims-2251-to-ride-the-train/

Do you want me to bring him in for questioning?
http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/11/06/is-potts-a-habitual-liar/

On Eddie McAtominey..

It Was reported in the Malcolm fanzine ( Gazette ) last week that the residents of Hebburn have a 5,500 name petition against the Tescoville
development and PISSED-AS-A-DRUNKEN-CUNT McAtominey told them to basic’ly PISS OFF he was going to make the decision not them. Well i think the boots on the other foot now.

http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/11/13/will-steady-eddie-throw-in-the-towel/

Theres over 40K gannin in that hoose, paid for of course by the hard working taxpayers. Drunken bastard gets 7k basic 12k Police Athourity, 10k Cabinet
Fiddiling Nanc gets 7k Basic and 9+k Chair of Scrutiny. she should of scrutinized that fat tango’ed twat

http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/11/11/what-does-steady-eddie-know-about-you-iain/

Aye this Fucka has got away with it for years, after the scandal when he was kicked out of the Labour party for fiddiling, I and several other labour stalwarts dropped out. The man does not know the meaning of the word Integrity, fat, lying, cheating cunt he has scammed himself through life. Hopefully the Magistrates in Peterlee will through the book at the twat and the Borough of South Tyneside will be shot of him. The good people of Hebburn who presented the 5,500 petition are sticking two fucking fingers up to you, they are indeed having the last laugh.
http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/11/13/will-steady-eddie-throw-in-the-towel/

On George Elsom and the Progressives ..

Aye how fuckin niave can the progs be, the twats President or some fuckin thing, going round with George ‘red rum’Elsom like his arse lacky.
The Bastards going to fall from a great height right into a bucket of shite.

http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/12/31/twat-of-the-year/

On Iain Malcom ..

fkin faggotttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/11/19/iain-taps-his-best-mate-up/

THIS FELLA IS GOING DOWN THE SAME ROAD AS HIS EX LEADER WAGGOT, KEEP ON SPINNING SHIT, AND YOU WILL END UP ON THE SAME SCRAPHEAP AS HIM BONNY LAD.
http://mrmonkeysblog.wordpress.com/2008/11/07/500-jobs-or-a-pie-in-the-sky/

Mr Monkey will be posting more comments from eurocar over the coming days.

05
Jun
09

exclusive: mr monkey’s identity uncovered

 

The real Mr Monkey

The real Mr Monkey

EXCLUSIVE: Local sleuth The Fat Mackem Hobbit is this morning celebrating a scoop which is likely to see him shortlisted for the world renowned Pulitzer Prize Twat of the Year award for investigative journalism.  

After months of undercover detective work the Hobbit finally penetrated Mr Monkey’s inner sanctum and has now publicly revealed Mr Monkey’s true identity – it’s the elusive Walter Mitty.

Congratulations you your scoop Mr Hobbit, if you keep this up you won’t be on the sick much longer and who knows you could find yourself working for that other well known investigative journalist, Papa John Szymanski.

24
Jan
09

The Prince Of Sleaze

'Once a prick, always a prick'

'Once a prick, always a prick'

This chimp promised bloggers a picture of the King of Sleaze, aka councillor David Potts when he was nothing but a prince aged about 13. CLICK HERE.

The picture says it all and probably explains why he been such a prick ever since he discovered his own knob. Take a peak at his right hand.

Mr Monkey never realised what a fat bastard he was and now understands why his school mates named him Pudgy Face or was it Lard Arse?

19
Jan
09

‘Gorgeous George’ Quickie Divorce

What’s in a headline?

CLICK HERE and find out why headlines like this can be misleading and encourages your imagination to run wild.

Still not convinced – take a look at some of the council’s recent press releases and then compare them to the facts.

14
Jan
09

‘Big’ Ed Malcolm and His Kilt

South Tyneside’s answer to The Chuckle Brothers, councillors Iain and Ed Malcolm seem obsessed with re-discovering their Scottish roots.

In September Mr Monkey revealed that council leader Miss Piggy, aka Iain Malcolm was partial to a bit of weekend cottaging after he bought a hideaway in Hawick in the Scottish Borders. CLICK HERE.

Not to be out done by his brother, ‘Big’ Ed Malcolm the wannabee MP for Houghton and Washington East decided to get in on the act and recently bought himself a kilt – not just in any tartan but a Clan Malcolm tartan.

When word reached the members lounge his collegaues pissed themselves laughing especially at the thought of ‘Big’ Ed in a kilt with his deformed size 3 feet stuck on the end of his short bandy legs. One senior Labour councillor who likes a wee dram reckons Ed is determined to beat Red Rumcouncillor George Elsom to the title of Twat of the Year.

But Mr Monkey reckons Ed’s purchase had more to do with winning a few extra votes in the old County Durham pit villages of the Houghton and Washington East Parliamentary constituency than his desire to rekindle his Scottish roots.

It seems this gesture could be is a last ditched attempt to persuade former miners and their families – many of whom have Scottish roots – to vote for him in the upcoming selection ballot.

31
Dec
08

Twat of The Year

Accident ... George Elsom.

'Twat of the Year'

Only someone with the political nous of slug would think that falling out of wheelie bin and cracking your collar bone would make you an environmentalist – unless your name is George Elsom.

Having just read this CLICK HERE this chimp hasn’t stopped laughing at the antics of councillor Elsom. He’s just publicly confirmed what most people already know; he’s a fucking crackpot!

And there’s Mr Monkey thinking that all the fuckwits are hiding the Green Party.

What next George, councillor Haram to turn vegan?




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