Archive for August, 2008


Monkey Clip Returns

This week’s Monkey Clip is dedicated to all those Councillors who’ll do anything to get a sniff of Iain Malcolm’s arse a paid position on the council, including making a right twat of themselves!

Click on the link below and enjoy


Mr Monkey is Back

Fresh from a week on the Nile, Mr Monkey has returned to sunny Shields and is raring to go! Be warned, Mr Monkey feels relaxed, refreshed, has had lots of time to think and can’t wait to be let of his leash.

So watch out bloggers, Mr Monkey’s Blog is about to enter a new phase where nothing and no one is likely to escape the Monkey treatment!


Monkey Lock!

Sorry readers but here’s another Monkey Location report from sunny Egypt!

At some unearthly hour in the middle of the night Mr Monkey was woken by loud voices and revving engines. A peek out of the cabin window revealed that the boat was about to come to a standstill at the Ensa Lock so that we could be lifted around 8 meters from one part of the Nile to another.

Camera in hand Mr Monkey decided to find out more.

Although the Nile is very wide at this point all river traffic gets shunted to one side and has to moor up in kind of a holding area before it negotiates one of the two locks. Both locks are narrow and the cruise boats are obviously designed to fit the lock rather than the other way round. Each lock can take two cruise boats and once you enter the lock it takes around 20 minutes for the process to be completed.

At peak times, usually during daylight hours, it can take up to 24 hours to get through the lock due to the volume of river traffic. Apparently this is why the ‘Monkey boat’ travelled at night to ensure we didn’t have to wait too long and so that we could beat the crowds to the Temple of Horus, better known as Edfu Temple.

Mr Monkey has since learned that most Captain’s will not travel at night for fear of running aground on one of the many shifting sand banks, but Captain Mustafa (yes that’s his real name) has no such fears apparently he’s only been sailing this stretch of the Nile as man and boy for 65 years!

Once the lock was safely negotiated the boat engines rapidly hit full throttle and we continued South towards Edfu for our first close encounter with ancient and modern Egypt and what an encounter it turned out to be!

Further reports will follow shortly.


Monkey on Location

Mr Monkey thought readers might like to hear a bit about his trip (so far)down the Nile and how after a summer of drab wet weather the Monkey’s have at last managed to find the sun, apparently it’s been here in Egypt all the time!


Things got off to a hectic start having only decided late on Friday to ‘get away’ for a few days. We had a matter of hours to pack, find passports, book airport car parking and sort out a few housekeeping matters.


We set off in the early hours of Saturday for a long drive down to Gatwick Airport. On arrival we booked in to the car park and was transferred by mini bus to the terminal.


After checking in, passing through security which took around 50 minutes, we found somewhere to settle down as our flight wasn’t leaving for another 2 hours. Eventually having exhausted every shop, due to boredom, and having spent about £30 on food, drinks, magazines and nibbles we boarded a plane bound for Luxor.


There didn’t seem to be more than around 100 people waiting to board the flight, so imagine my surprise when I found the plane was already half full when we boarded it. Apparently this flight had started at Manchester which left me wondering why the hell we had travelled all the way down to Gatwick!


After the usual dubious airline money making scams, a film and a dried up chicken meal (at least I think it was chicken) we finally arrived in Luxor which I have to say was a pleasant surprise. The formalities were completed quickly and before I knew it we had collected our bags and were being ushered on to a coach.


It was around 8pm local time, dark and the temperature had apparently ‘dropped’ to a more manageable 85 degrees Fahrenheit .. thank heavens for the air conditioning!

After a short coach journey through Luxor which included our first glimpse of the Nile and what I can only describe as the awesome Karnak Temple which looked stunning lit up against a back drop of this ancient and mystical river, we arrived at our 5* boat.


We quickly checked in and before we knew it we had been shown to our cabin, unpacked, explored our new surroundings, found the business centre complete with internet access and had something to eat (a buffet was waiting as the cruise was full board). As we were tucking in to our starters the engines fired up and we set sail towards Esna Lock.


We spent the next two hours soaking up the scenery and atmosphere before retiring for the night and as our thoughts turned to the week ahead memories of a wet and damp South Shields seemed to be fading fast!


Further location reports will follow shortly.


Mr Monkey Goes Sand Dancing!

Mr Monkey has had enough of this shitty weather and has decided to take a rain check!

After trawling the net for the last 6 hours Mr Monkey has managed to find a great last minute deal to Egypt, the only catch is that we have to leave at 3am this morning for the long trek down to Gatwick!

The Monkey troupe will be spending the next 7 days cruising the Nile, taking in the sights and generally chilling out without having to worry about whether or not we need a tee-shirt, coat or umbrella .. can’t wait!

Sorry bloggers but this will be the last post until Sunday 31st August, unless I can find internet access somewhere on the Nile. Enjoy the bank holiday weekend, because we’re certainly going to!


Monkey Puzzle 3 Revealed

Monkey Puzzle 3 has caused quite a stir in the Town Hall.

Apparently virtually every Labour councillor has been throwing their money around in a desperate attempt to convince their colleagues that they’re not the tight arse referred to in Monkey Puzzle 3.

A source from within the Members Lounge has confirmed that some councillors are shocked by this sudden surge of generosity and cannot believe that the tight arse in question has gone so far as to buy a round of drinks!

Well for those of you who don’t know who the tight arse is, it’s …. Councillor Ed Malcolm.

As for the gold money clip, well this was bought for him many years ago by Councillor Olive Puncheon after he started shagging her behind her husband’s back. It was probably her way of making sure he kept cumming back for more.

Lets face it, it wouldn’t have been for her beauty, many of her colleagues reckon she’s an ugly old cow!



Over the past week Mr Monkey has been monitoring the stats on Mr Monkeys Blog and the results are pretty impressive!

Mr Monkey finds the whole thing fascinating especially the details on which posts are the most popular, the links you click on once you’re on the site and how you found the site in the first place.  

Mr Monkey finds some of the search terms you use to find Mr Monkeys Blog weird to say the least and thought he would share some of them with you! I wonder if Monkey Bloggers recognise any of the terms below?

the monkeyhouse – south Tyneside

mr monkey blog south shields

david potts

david potts tyneside sleaze


paul myles-kelly

monkey business south Tyneside

monkey south Tyneside

mr monkey man blog

monkey mischief

monkey blog south shields

monkey south Tyneside

the monkey-david potts south shields

u tube south shields


mr monkey david potts

news jarrow head injuries

cleadon twitcher

david potts councillor

jarrow man hospital

monkeys blog about south tyneside council

the monkey house blog south Tyneside

dancing monkey puzzle

jarrow assault

santini pizza Jarrow

plus valet in manibus avis unica quam du

“noddy rice” gazette

david potts conservative

mr monkey ryan burns death south shields

chey garland

cllr david potts

pagebet robbery

“david potts” deselected

curly monkey

monkey sex

tory boy

papa john

Iain Malcolm

Closet Malcolm

Miners welfare fund theft

Mr Monkey does wonder what goes through some of his readers minds!


Last Chance

The answer to this week’s Monkey Puzzle will be revealed later today. If you haven’t yet seen Monkey Puzzle 3 click here for details .. it’s your last chance.


Monkey Mischief 7

"I'm your's if the price is right"

"I'm your's if the price is right"

Mr Monkey would like to congratulate Councillor Terry Haram for finally coming clean after 5 years of pulling the wool over the electorate’s eyes.

After year’s of wandering round the Town Hall in a state of confusion and not knowing where to sit in the chamber he has at last found a political home with the borough’s other political prostitute, Councillor George Elsom.

According to a letter publised in the Malcolm Fanzine Shields Gazette click here Councillor Haram is now a Real Independent, after being Independent Alliance, Real Labour and Labour.

Fortunately for the people of South Tyneside this political pariah is rapidly running out of places to hide. I suppose he could however, try the local Tories, apparently they’re looking for people without any morals, integrity or principles!

If you’ve enjoyed this piece of Monkey Mischief click on the links below to see previous older Monkey Mischief posts.


South Tyneside Set For Another Hotel

Seems South Tyneside Council’s obsession for hotels is set to continue.

Mr Monkey has learned that senior councillors and officers are holding secret discussions with potential developers who would like to build on Harton Staithes. 

This last remaining green space in South Shields Town Centre is about to disappear forever after councillors approved a strategic partnership with BT. The deal calls for BT to build a business centre on Harton Staithes after the council failed to evict all it’s tenants in Wouldhalve House and the retail units below.

Like Garlands, BT wanted a riverside location and as usual the council agreed to bend over and let big business shaft the people of the borough yet again. They even voluntered to apply the lube to make things as easy as possible!

Mr Monkey can confirm that 5 developers have been shortlisted from a list of 16 and that detailed discussions are now underway. The development brief not only includes a mega business centre for BT but it also now includes a hotel and several other commercial units.

Although the council and One North East are not in a position to confirm who their preferred developer is, allegedly, Mr Monkey predicts that it is likely to be the Esh Group who have suddenly appeared on the scene.

Mr Monkey wonders what Durham Estates and Tavistock Leisure think about the council’s latest hotel plans? This time last year they were flavour of the month when they were appointed preferred developers for the Gypsies Green Stadium hotel and conference centre.

Unfortunately they didn’t count on the level of opposition which ultimately led to one of Council Leader, Iain Malcolm’s ward colleagues losing his seat and Mr Monkey has learned that he is concerned that history may repeat itself.

Mr Monkey believes Iain Malcolm’s sudden lack of interest in Gypsies Green in favour of another hotel located on the riverside has more to do with self interest than the interests of the people of South Tyneside and if his former associates at Durham Estates fall by the wayside .. so be it!

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