Vote For Me: I’m A Miner

Labour councillor Ed Malcolm seems to think that his ticket to Westminster will be secured on the back of his “I used to be a miner” line. Apparently he reckons that this makes him the best person to succeed Fraser Kemp, the outgoing MP for Houghton and Washington East.

Mr Monkey can’t help wondering how many redundant and retired miners recall watching some of their colleagues doing everything possible to avoid a day on the face? There was no one better than Ed Malcolm at avoiding getting his hands dirty, he would volunteer for anything as long as it kept him out of the pit.

He now wants everyone to believe he was a miner, the last of a dying breed and that qualifies him to represent a once thriving mining area. Yet he’s left out the bit about how he spent more time in a suit than a boilersuit, in brogues than in pit boots and in the bar than the shower room.

There’s no mention of how he spent years having an affair with a married woman and shagging anything else that would have him. He fails to mention how the Malcolm clan did everything it could to grab positions of power. Lying, scheming, cheating, manipulating stabbing people in the back and helping themselvesto what ever they wanted was a way for most of the Malcolms.

Ed might make a good MP if he takes after his dad, Billy who had a knack of being in two places at once. At least he did when councillors got paid by the number of meetings they attended.

Ed’s uncle thought every-ones money was his money and spent it as if it was. Hard earned club funds went missing, club bills went unpaid but his uncle never did without. He doesn’t mention that his uncle’s habitat of helping himself to other peoples money led to a prison term. He doesn’t tell us how he is reputed to have been close to his uncle and took a leaf out of his book by helping himself to cash from the miners welfare fund and how it was all covered up to protect the Malcolm name.

There’s no mention that he was kicked out of the Labour party for two years and that many people reckon it was his own brotherthat shopped him in a fit of jealousy. Mr Monkey wonders what brother Iain will do if Ed makes it to Westminster before him?

Mr Monkey reckons that if the good folk of Houghton and Washington East are daft enough to be taken in by Ed Malcolm then they’d better make sure that they lock their doors and windows to protect their valuables epsecially their wives, daughters, girlfriends, mams, aunties and given his taste in older women, their grannies.

You might not tell the people what they’re letting themselves in for Ed, but Mr Monkey will.


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