The Top Club’s Queen of Sleaze

Who said he's gay?

Who said Iain's gay?

Mr Monkey promised to tell you the tale about Andrea from The Top Club, one of Iain Malcolm’s former associates, so here it is.

Ed Malcolm, aka Frank Sidebottom, was overheard at the Labour Conference this year saying how shocked he was that Mr Monkey alleged that his brother Miss Piggy is gay. “Him! Gay!” he was heard shouting next to the Northumbrian Water stand – “How can they say he’s gay?”

Well this stupid granny shagger must be blind as well as daft – it might explain why he keeps poking old Olive Punchion.

Although Ed might have a fair point, after all brother Iain goes to great lengths to prove just how butch he is.

Back in the old days, Iain, The Queen of Sleaze, would slow right down in his old red Rover, wind down his window and shout ‘phwoarrrr’ any lass under the age of 50.

Sometimes, after all of his council meetings had finished, he’d head over to the Top Club where he’d prop up the bar making lewd gags to this poor lass called Andrea who worked behind the bar. He’s grab any opportunity he got to try and prove he was straight, he’d make bawdy jokes to Andrea about how he’d love to take her home and bang her till she couldn’t walk. That was until she called his bluff and said ‘OK take me home then, Iain’, the poor bastard ran a mile.

He might have been horny, but it’ll have been the bouncer he was interested in, not Andrea. To make matters worse it turned out that Andrea was related to Paul Waggott – the man he helped oust from Fellgate!

Mr Monkey has looked at part of Iain’s personal life (the attempt to arrange a marriage will be kept under wraps for now). Next up will be his political life, in particularly his love of leaks and all things postal.

Mr Monkey will reveal exactly how Paul Waggott’s infamous ‘lunatics’ e.mail reached the Shields Gazette back in January. Stay tuned to find out who leaked it, authorised it, printed it and posted it, and exactly who to.

He’ll be spitting FEATHERS when Mr Monkey delves deeper into his postbox fun .. did someone say FEATHERS?


6 Responses to “The Top Club’s Queen of Sleaze”

  1. 1 Fanny Ann
    05/12/2008 at 09:49

    Fucking hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. 2 Dr Who
    05/12/2008 at 14:23

    Your so full of shit. Get a fucking life you sad bastard

  3. 3 Mr Monkey
    05/12/2008 at 15:46

    Seems we’re a bit it touchy today.

  4. 4 Dr Who
    05/12/2008 at 16:24

    Not touchy, just seems u know jack shit. This blogs a joke. Your obsession with sex and sexuality is very sad. One can only assume that you’re not getting laid and have some confusion over your own sexuality, hence the reason why everyones private lives give you some kind of warped kick. Your obviously just a born wanker.

  5. 5 Mr Monkey
    05/12/2008 at 17:41

    Like I said touchy.

  6. 6 Mr Monkey
    03/01/2009 at 07:13

    Was that your tardis I saw in Westoe Village Dr?

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