REVIEW OF 2008: Was Iain ‘Piggymus’ Malcolmus Crowned Emperor Last Night?

This post first appeared in August.

A source close to Council Leader Iain Malcolm has told Mr Monkey about a lavish Roman style banquet held in the Town Hall last night.

The source who wishes to remain anonymous and who was at the event was stunned by the scale and grandness of the whole thing and now feels guilty about participating in an event that must have cost the council taxpayer thousands.

The event was hosted by Miss Piggy lookalike Iain Malcolm who fiddled tightly controlled the guest list to ensure only those with tongues long enough to reach his arse were in attendance to homage to him.

Mr Monkey is waiting for further details from his source but can confirm that last night’s lavish event was billed as a ‘Thank You Event’ for Iain Malcolm’s ‘best friend’ Paul Waggott.

What a bloody hypocrite he can’t stand him but Mr Monkey is not surprised as Iain would probably sell his own mother if it got him a seat in Westminster!

Mr Monkey can also confirm that an exclusive firm of outside caterers were used to fill the pigs troughs provide exquisite delights such as figs.

Sounds like a jolly good time was had by all and not a bill in sight!

Seems that this so called ’Thank You Event’ for Paul Waggott was in fact a coronation for the new Emperor, Iain ‘Piggymus’ Malcolmus.

It was fitting then that such a lavish banquet was put on for the Emperor’s new found friends which included:

 ’One North East, can we have your land on the cheap please?

‘Sir’ Geoffrey Ford this time wearing his Step Hat, wonder if he has any room in his wardrobe for his Y fronts?

A few select officers of the council, after all they will need to sign the cheques to pay for it all!

and a few councillors known locally as the Freebie Mob. Apparently these fat pigs folks only got an invite if they promised to bend over when he wants to shaft them bow before the Emperor!

Now one thing confuses Mr Monkey, why haven’t we seen the usual Malcolm PR bullshit spewed all over the Gazette, is it because ‘Papa John’ Szymanski is on holiday or is it that Emperor Malcolmus doesn’t want the peasants to know what goes on behind the scenes especially when the poor bastards are paying for it!

Mr Monkey wonders what the after banquet entertainment was, surely the newly crowned Emperor didn’t follow the Roman tradition of organising a drunken no holes orgy did he?


2 Responses to “REVIEW OF 2008: Was Iain ‘Piggymus’ Malcolmus Crowned Emperor Last Night?”

  1. 1 Charlie
    28/12/2008 at 20:11

    Ah yes, Mr Ford, King of Gongs, the most twisted of them all. There is lots to unearth there Mr Monkey.

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