Help: I’m Not A Geordie Get Me Out Of Here!

Wannabee Labour MP for Houghton and Washington East, councillor Ed Malcolm has been taking elocution lessons in an attempt to improve his stammer and tone down his Geordie accent.

Apparently ‘Big Ed’ is worried that his stammer will affect his ability to speak in the House of Commons and will make him a figure of fun in the media. He’s also ashamed of worried that his Geordie accent which he reckons might make him an outcast on the Westminster social scene.

Anyone who’s had the misfortune to hear ‘Big Ed’ speak will appreciate what a bad speaker he is. He stammers, he can’t project his voice, fluffs his words and makes an almighty mess of his speeches and usually ends up looking like an arsehole; and all this with an an excruciating look of pain on his face that leaves the audience wondering whether he’s about to give birth.

No wonder the poor bastard is taking elocution lessons but Mr Monkey can’t help wondering why he’s wasting his money?

Keep your money Ed, your’e not going to get the nomination and you won’t get any refunds for all those Union and party memberships you’ve paid for .. was it worth it?


3 Responses to “Help: I’m Not A Geordie Get Me Out Of Here!”

  1. 1 Terry and Julie
    10/01/2009 at 23:18

    He is also caked in eye liner!

  2. 2 Frodo
    11/01/2009 at 08:39

    Hi Mr Monkey, thanks for the fantastic blog and keep up the good work !! As for Big Ed, Why the fuck should he worry about the lessons as the counil tax payers will undoubtably cough up the money for the course! It will be hidden in some budget somewhere.
    As will the costs for his extensive make up collection….
    and his Evans clothing account……….

  3. 3 Pauline
    11/01/2009 at 08:39

    He’s partial to hair dye too.

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