06
Mar
09

Tips on keeping a hobbit

Mr Monkey reckons that the silence from the Fat Mackem Hobbit over at the Shire has been deafening of late – until today and can’t help wondering whether his dicky heart has been playing up again.

The chimp is worried about the Hobbit’s well being and wonders how Mrs Hobbit is coping with her husband’s obbsessive and aggressive behaviour, especially when she gives him a banana.

Mr Monkey reckons Mrs Hobbit might appreciate a bit of advice on how to look after her moody Fat Hobbit and offers her the following advice:

  • When selecting your Hobbit did you put temperament above looks. 
  • If your fully grown Hobbit is timid and bites, do not be afraid to return it to where you got it from. Hobbits with wild tendencies do not make good pets.
  • If your Hobbit becomes aggressive it could be that it feels threatened.
  • Ensure that the room you provide for him is large enough and that he cannot smell any ‘monkeys’ nearby.
  • If your Hobbit is vicious towards another Hobbit, try introducing them in a neutral environment such as the car. Be patient and remember that not all Hobbits enjoy the company of other Hobbits.
  • Never put Hobbits and monkeys together as your Hobbit is likely to get hurt when the monkey becomes sexually mature. If you do put them together, always ensure that your Hobbit has somewhere to hide like a gutter to escape the clutches of a grumpy chimp.
  • Hobbits develop strange sexual behaviour such as spraying, biting or producing pungent smelling urine.  
  • If you want to stop your Hobbit breeding, castrate him at an early age. This will also prevent aggression, but be aware that neutered Hobbits are more prone to obesity as they grow older, so care must be taken not to allow overeating.
  • It is vital that you handle your new Hobbit from time to time to see if he’s alive.
  • Sometimes give your Hobbit a bit more stimulation to prevent aggression – try rubbing his belly
  • Be patient and persevere with your Hobbit, he won’t live forever.
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2 Responses to “Tips on keeping a hobbit”


  1. 1 Scotty
    07/03/2009 at 07:17

    LOL very good Mr Monk.

  2. 2 Mr Monkey
    07/03/2009 at 10:06

    Thanks Scotty.


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