Archive for the 'Banks' Category

09
Feb
09

GAZETTE: The End Is Nigh

Mr Monkey reckons the newspaper industry has moved towards the end of middle-age, growing increasingly aware of its own mortality.

Like someone nearing retirement, it might well expect to have a couple of decades left before it’s ready to start pushing up the daisies.

However, the reality is many groups haven’t led the healthiest of lifestyles. Instead of investing for the future, they became greedier and greedier in the margins they chased.

It wasn’t so long ago Johnston Press, whose titles include the Shields Gazette and the Sunderland Echo, were the toast of the industry. Thirty per cent profits.

Why aren’t we making that, they chorused in boardrooms up and down the land.

Now look at them; they’re shares are not worth a bag of crisps.

It’s easy to be wise with hindsight but like all newspaper groups, they never really “got” the internet until it started getting to them.

In late middle-age it seems Johnston Press may well be prone to a sudden heart attack.

Mr Monkey can’t help wondering how long the banks are going to put up with their debt mountain – which is approaching half a billion pounds – and given they’re falling revenues it won’t be long before they decide it’s time to foreclose.

It must be worrying times for those employed by the Gazette – do yourselves a favour and get out before it’s too late – apparently Papa John Szymanski is already looking.

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09
Dec
08

If Only Woolies Was A Bank?

Mr Monkey reckons Gordon Brown might come to the rescue of Woolies .. but only if they were a bank.

Woolworths, if you’re listening it’s time to convert to a BANK!

Then all you’ve got to do to grab Gordon’s attention is transfer all your debts from your retail operation to your bank. Pretty soon Gordon will come galloping to your rescue as he loves nothing better than bailing banks out of the shit they get themselves into.

It’s just manufacturing and retail that he couldn’t give a fuck about.

06
Dec
08

Monkey Clip

This week’s Monkey Clip is dedicated to  Town Hall Fat Cats everywhere. CLICK HERE and enjoy.

 

03
Dec
08

EXCLUSIVE: South Tyneside Council Lends £122 Million To Banks

Earlier this week Mr Monkey exclusively revealed that South Tyneside Council had invested money in Icelandic banks, CLICK HERE but withdrew it before the system collapsed.

Mr Mr Monkey can now exclusively reveal that South Tyneside Council regularly plays the money markets and loves risking taxpayers money on the world’s financial markets.

Currently South Tyneside Council has lend around £122 million of our money to various banks and financial institutions around the world. In return the council receives interest on the money it lends – the higher the interest – the greater the risk.

Here’s a list of who the council has lent money to:-

Barclays Bank – £10 million
Lloyds TSB – £3 million
National Australia Bank – £3 million
Allied Irish Bank – £10 million
Bank of Ireland – £10 million
Anglo Irish Bank – £5 million
Nationwide Building Society – £10 million
EBS Building Society – £8 million
Bank of Scotland – £9 million
Alliance and Leicester – £200,000
Abbey National – £3 million
Natwest SIBA – £5.78 million
Standard Life Money Market Fund – £8 million
DEPFA Bank – £2 million
Unicredito Italiano – £10 million
Coventry Building Society – £10 million
Chelsea Building Society – £10 million
Leeds Building Society – £5 million

Mr Monkey would like to remind the fuckwits in the town hall that the world’s money markets are in chaos and the banking system is on the verge of collapse – it’s time you stopped playing the financial markets before you bankrupt the borough and find yourselves behind bars.