Archive for the 'Beacon and Bents' Category


how much does an independent alliance councillor cost the taxpayer?

It seems that despite councillors Jane and Allan Branley’s refusal to claim allowances and expenses their Indy Alliance colleagues have claimed £41,162. 

Mr Monkey was surprised to learn that councillor Victor Thompson has followed the example of the other Westoe councillors and has not claimed his allowance – well done councillor Thompson. 

When Mr Monkey applied his how much do they cost the taxpayer test to the Indy Alliance the results show that they are the group that costs the taxpayer the least. 

Judging by the figures it seems that the Indy Alliance are the only group who haven’t sold their souls to Miss Piggy for 30 pieces of silver and can legitimately claim to not to have been bought. 

But will they be able to resist the lure of gold in 2009? 






  Weekly Cost 

J. Branley

A. Khan




A. Branley

G. Finch




V. Thompson




G. White




G. Waddle






J. Hodgson






S. Harrison

















The cost of each Independent Alliance councillor to the taxpayer in 2008 – 09 was just £4,573.55


a pair of twits!

Seems councillors Khan and Potts are set to continue their rivalry outside the council chamber as the King of Sleaze, Tory Boy David Potts has taken a leaf out of the Indy councillor’s book and has become a twat twit.

But a quick look at Pudgy Faces twitters confirms what most people already know – he’s obsessed with money and couldn’t careless about the people he represents.  In 2 days he’s tweeted 29 times and there’s only one mild reference to his work as a councillor.

Mr Monkey reckons bloggers should keep a close eye on these 2 twittering councillors as it will be interesting to see whether councillor Potts takes councillor Khan up on his offer for a cup of coffee.

Alternatively councillor Khan could pop into the Atlantic Bar around 10am any day of the week, he’s bound to bump into The King of Sleaze enjoying his usual liquid breakfast of a couple of glasses of red wine!

These 2 twits can be found at, and


Twit of The Week

'It's official, councillor Khan is a tweet"

'It's official, councillor Khan is a tweet"

This week’s Twat Twit of the Week award goes to Independent councillor Ahmed Khan who according to the Shields Gazette Labour Gazetteer loves nothing better than a twitter.

It seems  councillor Khan has joined the fastest growing phenomenon on the internet and becomes the first councillor in South Tyneside to be officially classed as a twat twit.

 Mr Monkey reckons it won’t be long before councillor Khan is joined by some of his colleagues – apparently being a twat twit is fashionable. But for others like the King of Sleaze, Tory councillor David Potts, it’s a chance for him to live up to his reputation and for his twat like antics to be finally recognised!


Updated – will ugly betty gets a nose job at the public’s expense?

'Nose job'

'Nose job'

Mr Monkey overheard an interesting conversation recently about The Patron Slut of Sailors, councillor Audrey McMillan and her rehabilitation back into Miss Piggy’s, aka councillor Iain Malcolm’s inner circle.

Councillor McMillan, ‘affectionaltey’ referred to as Ugly Betty by senior Labour councillors was distraught several year’s ago when she lost the chair of the planning committee.

This had nothing to do with the fact she lost her position but had everything to do with money, especially the prospect of losing her special responsibility allowance (£8000) and all the back handers she used to get.

Mr Monkey can also confirm that she was within a whisker of joining councillor Branley’s Indy Alliance – the only thing that put her off was money – she was worried she would not be able to retain her Beacon and Bents seat.

This did not stop her spending hours on the telephone complaining about anything and everyone and telling people how the Labour party was out to get her. She also got a reputation for crying and turning the tears on for effect.

Ugly Betty has never been well liked by her colleagues – females colleagues think she’s a slapper and will shag their husbands at the drop of a hat – just ask Sue Reynolds – male colleagues treat her as an easy fuck – ask Ron Reynolds.

But the ones that despised her the most were her own ward colleagues, Bilbo Baggins, aka councillor John Anglin and Alahbama John, aka John Morris Wood.

This scheming pair and their wives conspired to keep things away from Ugly Betty and worked tirelessly behind the scenes to get her deselected. They even paid Labour party membership fees for people to join the local party out of their own pockets so that they could count on their support when it came to selection meetings. At one stage the local Beacon and Bents Labour party was closed down by Labour North for suspected fraud, corruption and maladministration.

Since Alahbama John’s defeat at the elections in May 2008, Ugly Betty has gradually sleptsquirmed her way back into the in-crowd and has become best friends with councillor Anglin Bilbo Baggins. She’s also been given the chair of the Human Resources Committee which carries a special responsibility allowance.

Apparently Miss Piggy told Ugly Betty that under his regime he’s going to wrestle the power of senior appointments away from Irene Lucas and her minions and put it back in the hands of councillors.

Mr Monkey has now learned that Miss Piggy, aka Ian Malcolm is set to complete her rehabilitation by rewarding Ugly Betty with a place in his new look cabinet in May. Miss Piggy has told his close associates that he sees her as an ideal replacement for Bill ‘the buffoon’ Brady who currently holds the Equality and Diversity portfolio – something to do with reclaiming the Asian vote and reckons Ugly Betty is loved and respected by the Bengali community in Beacon and Bents, apparently that’s what his ex female companion Julie told him.

This chimp reckons that Ugly Betty has already spent the £10,000 and will be finishing off her nose job. Apparently her arse has more meat on it these days now that it doesn’t get as much exercise so the surgeons should be able to get a full nose out of it this time.



Where do I sign?

Where do I sign?

It soon became clear why the Dominant One Ms Lucas had insisted on clearing the room of her minions – she did’nt want them to know too much.

As the Mill Dam Bike, aka councillor McMillan introduced the report it was apparent that Ms Lucas was a tad uncomfortable, and so she should be given what was about to be revealed.

The council had appointed an ‘Independenat’ person to carry out a job evaluation of the senior posts including the Chief Executive’s.

This individual made the following observations and recommendations.

1. He thought South Tyneside Council was finding it difficult to retain it’s senior staff because of current salary levels.

2. That money was the motivating factor behind the departures of Kim Derry Bromley, Amanda Skelton, David Slater and Diane Wood. Apparently ambition, career progression and the desire to seek a new challenge never entered these mercenaries minds.

3. Diane Wood was used to illustrate the argument. When she left South Tyneside for Cumbria County Council her salary increased by £40,000 per year. Again nothing to do with the additional responsibilities that came with her new role.

4. It was felt that as the the new crop of Executive Directors had only recently been appointed it was a bit premature to carry out an evaluation of their jobs. In other words it was felt they couldn’t get away with it.

5. No report would be complete without a touch of spin and this one was no exception. What we call a pay rise these twats called a spot adjustment. In a nutshell this means that the recipients are fast tracked up their pay scale – no gradual progression for these lucky bastards.

6. Whilst it was agreed to leave the Executive Director’s pay as it was (for now), the same could not be said for the Heads of Service. The spot adjustment method was applied to these posts and guess what – the majority of them got a rise. Seems Christmas really has come early this year.

It’s always good to save the best till last especially when someone is about to hit the jackpot.

Apparently the council’s Chief Executive is underpaid on a paltry £133,000 per year. In order to correct this travesty of justice it was felt that Ms Lucas must be paid her just rewards and what better way to do it than to make a spot adjustment.

Mr Monkey reckons that this spot must have been the size of a fucking balloon given the recommendation in the report. Irene’s adjustment was just another £13,000 per year.

That’s right she was about to get an extra £13,000 per year which now takes her salary to around £146,000 per year.

At this point the Mill Dam Bike really did make a twat of herself.

Not content with keeping her fellow councillors in the dark until they arrived at the meeting, she now had the neck to ask them to hand their reports back to her. As she put it, this was a very sensitive matter – how perceptive of you Audrey.

In case your nose is interfering with your vision, thousands of people face a bleak Christmas and are struggling to make ends meet and what do you do? You condone a £13,000 per year increase for someone who is already well paid for what she does.

It’s because of fuckwits like you that the town hall fat cats get fatter by the day.

Credit again to councillor McAtominey, he was having none of it and whilst the bike was seeking advice from Patrick Melia (he didn’t get a rise so he was probably pissed off) the Dominant One made a sharp exit. Meanwhile councillor McAtominey got his own way in the end and kept his report.

If this is the new rebellious councillor McAtominey, Iain Malcolm and his stooges better watch their backs – seems Steady Eddie is out for revenge!


Malcolm Snuggles Up To Khan!

Councillor Khan the Indy Alliance councillor for Beacon and Bents seems to be taking a leaf out councillors Elsom, Potts, Hetherington, Hickman and Milburn’s book when it comes to licking Iain Malcolm’s arse. CLICK HERE. 

Either that or councillors Khan and Malcolm are up to something and don’t want any of their colleagues to know what it is.

Mr Monkey was surprised to see councillor Kahn featured in the Gazette Malcolm Fanzine alongside Iain Malcolm in what seemed to be a cosy little ‘love in’ between 2 political rivals.

Mr Monkey assumed that these 2 political heavyweights couldn’t stand the sight of each other yet there may be more to this than meets the eye. This new ‘relationship’ may well have a hidden agenda that suits both individuals that may well surprise us all. 

Perhaps councillor Malcolm has offered Mr Khan some kind of deal to write off his substantial court cost resulting from his failed election petition or maybe he wants Mr Khan to play a more prominent role in his administration.

Looking at what little talent councillor Malcolm has it his disposal he could do with an injection of new blood and what better way to put a dent the Indy Alliance’s 2010 election prospects than by buying off offering councillor Khan a cabinet portfolio perhaps as councillor McAtominey’s replacement?

Politicians make strange bed fellows!


I Believe In Miracles!

What the fuck’s going on in the Indy Alliance camp?

Mr Monkey has just read a press release on the council’s website and it appears that the three Independent Alliance councillors for Westoe, councillors Branley, Branley and Thompson are holding a ward surgery – yes that’s right a ward surgery this Saturday in the Town Hall. CLICK HERE.

Apparently they’ve  teamed up with fellow Beacon and Bents Indy councillor, Ahmed Khan and will be holding a joint ward surgery, it seems miracles do happen.

Whatever next? Former Progressive and now Indy councillor, Gordon Finch to change the habit of a lifetime and hold a surgery too – now that really would be miraculous.

Mr Monkey can’t wait to see who turns up on Saturday but wouldn’t be surprised if councillor Khan was left holding the baby!