Archive for the 'Coal' Category

10
Feb
09

The Buffon and The Hogg

Bill 'The Buffoon' Brady is set to be replaced by The Hogg

Bill 'The Buffoon' Brady is set to be replaced by The Hogg

Mr Monkey heard an interesting conversation in the members lounge recently about the impending sacking retirement of councillor Bill ‘The Buffoon’ Brady.

Apparently councillors Iain Malcolm and Barry Scorer have been secretly meeting to discuss their make up and things girlie the new cabinet and they’ve decided it’s time to get rid of The Buffoon .

As a sweetener, to protect his income they intend to offer him the chair of one of the lesser committees at this year’s Annual General Meeting, better known as the SWEETIE SHOP. This is when the piglets Labour councillors gather round Miss Piggy’s – aka Iain Malcolm’s – trough to see what scraps the old sow will throw at them.

Mr Monkey has learned that The Buffoon already suspects he’s about to be sacked from the cabinet and has started putting it about that he intends to retire in 2010 and not seek re-election. But like all Labour councillors he cannot leave without having the last word.

The Buffoon is trying to manoeuvre his 19 year old grandson, aptly named David Hogg into the vacant seat to ensure the Brady line continues, despite the fact that he has no political credentials other than being a member of the Westoe Labour party.

That said, he’s already got a reputation for being a piss head and is increasingly seen enjoying free hospitality at the expense of the council tax payer. This year he joined a select band of Labour councillors stuffing their faces and drinking whatever they could get their hands on at the Great North Run hospitality tent. He’s also got a reputation for being a lazy bastard who can’t get up in a morning; probably something to do with the fact that he works in the Atlantic and Vibe nightclubs.

With credentials like these he seems an ideal choice for Iain Malcolm’s sleazy world of local Labour politics.

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14
Jan
09

Look Out For Mr Monkey In Houghton and Washigton East

Mr Monkey reckons that since he sent out his Christmas card to a select band of individuals his blog has seen a rise in visitor numbers.

This chimp thought he would test his theory further by sending out some promotional material to all the pubs, clubs, shops, hairdressers, taxi offices, takeaways and community centres in the Houghton and Washington East Parliamentary constituency.

Mr Monkey reckons that the people in these former mining communities don’t realise what a scheming, devious and manipulative twat Ed Malcolm is – he thought he’d point them in the right direction and what better place to start than Mr Monkey’s Blog.

This chimp has already put an end to the King of Sleaze, David Potts political ambitions and he’s now got ‘Big’ Ed Malcolm in his radar.

01
Jan
09

Is Mr Monkey Your First Foot?

Mr Monkey will be spending most of today visiting family, friends and neighbours doing his yearly first foot routine.

This chimp has already fucked many of you off by sending you a Monkey Card, so he thought what better way to celebrate the new year than by being your first foot.

When you step out of your house for the first time today don’t be surprised if you find a lump of coal, a small cake, or a coin either on your door mat, outside your door, in your garden or near your car – Mr Monkey just wanted to be your first foot because this will determine your luck for the coming year?

So if Mr Monkey has been kind to you and left you a little surprise, you know you’re in for one hell of a year.