Archive for the 'Continental Markets' Category

16
May
09

the monkey clip returns

This time last week council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy was in his element sat in his pen with his tits exposed watching his piglets arguing over who’d get to suck on them first and he knew they’d all want to impress him because he was about to handout his yearly treats.

Now that the dust has settled and Miss Piggy’s tits are returning to normal, Mr Monkey thought he’d dedicate this week’s Monkey Clip to all those poor bastards who got fuck all.

Keep your eye on the little pig in the corner, he’s called Tom and it seems that the fat sow has rejected the poor runt and has decided not to feed him anymore and this chimp reckons it’s time Tom tried his luck elsewhere – give your mate Bernard a call and he’ll send a bus for you.

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16
Oct
08

Shields Market Holds It’s Own

So South Shields Market is holding it’s own, at least that’s what the council would have us believe, CLICK HERE.

Mr Monkey is’nt sure whether he’s living in a different town, era or universe but from what he sees the market lacks atmosphere, stalls are rarely full and those that do pitch up lack variety, choice and value – if you want crap there’s a chance you’ll find it on Shields market.

Still apparently we’re holding our own in comparison to other towns!

Do me a favour and wake up. It’s the 21st century and if we want our market to thrive as opposed to exist, we need to take drastic action before it’s too late. Action such waiving traders fees, promoting market days, offering incentives to traders, more public entertainment, coach parking in the market square, free parking on market days and even a cover over the market. We need to create a demand for stalls and start selling things that people want.

It’s no good putting on fancy continental markets when shoppers can’t afford continental prices or have never heard of half the stuff they’re trying to sell us. Come on who the hell wants a stinking, rotten mouldy cheese that looks as though it should have been thrown away months ago and to add insult to injury they want paying for it.

Mr Monkey reckons that certain councillors and officers are obsessed with the continental cafe culture and markets and reckons a kick up the arse is in order. It doesn’t take a genius to work out that we don’t have the weather, lifestyle or desire for such nonsense.

It might be fun for those lucky few who can afford to pop across to Europe at the drop of a hat to sit for hours on end watching the world go by. But for the rest of us our idea of fun ain’t siting in a run down market square, surrounded by last nights kebab, piss and puck, sipping an espresso, dressed us though we belong in a designer clothes shop window and being shit on from a great height .. by seagulls. 

The quicker the wankers in the Town Hall realise this, the sooner we’ll have a market to be proud of and a market that people want to shop at.




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