Archive for the 'Cottaging' Category


credit where credit’s due

It’s not often Mr Monkey thanks anyone especially the Fat Mackem Hobbit, aka Graham Rigg  over at the Shire, but credit where credit’s due.

It seems councillor David Potts, aka The King of Sleaze’s lackey has suddenly discovered – after being reminded by councillor Iain Malcolm – that comment moderation had been applied to Mr Monkey’s Blog.

Mr Monkey would like to thank the eagle eyed faggot – who is currently doing his thing over in France – for drawing the Fat Mackem Hobbit’s and therefore Mr Monkey’s attention to this oversight.

You’ll both be delighted to know that Mr Monkey has turned off comment moderation so all your comments will be immediately visible for all to see.


Potts Bats For Both Sides .. And Not Just Politically

'Love is in the air'

'Love is in the air'

For months the King of Sleaze, councillor David Potts has been obsessed with unmasking the chimp behind Mr Monkey’s Blog.

Poor old Pudgy Face - little did he know that he came within a whisker of revealing the person behind the monkey on Tuesday night when he and his male ‘friend’ enjoyed an intimate meal at  Brunnelos No 5 restaurant, above the Wheatsheaf pub in Boldon.

Mr Monkey nearly choked on his starter when The King of Sleaze and his male companion entered the restaurant. They had a couple of pre-dinner drinks before siting down for their meal. They left about an hour later but Mr Monkey couldn’t see whether they were holding hands or not.

It seems councillor Potts has alot more in common with council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy than this chimp first thought – they’re both fond of faggots.


is Miss Piggy about to be spit roasted?

'Spit roast'

'Spit roast'

Miss Piggy, aka council leader Iain Malcolm has been having a few nightmares recently wondering what Mr Monkey is up to, especially since bloggers gave this mischievous ape some useful pointers of where to dig when he applied comment moderation earlier in the week – and Mr Monkey has been busy ever since.

Apparently Miss Piggy doesn’t just have an odd skeleton in his closet, he’s got a whole grave yard full and one voice he doesn’t want to hear is that of Mary Taylor - she’s got some pretty damning evidence about councillor Iain Malcolm’s hatred of the British democratic system.

Miss Piggy will be horrified to learn that this voice from his past has been whispering in Mr Monkey’s ear and that this chimp is set to reveal all, very soon.

No wonder Miss Piggy can’t sleep when there’s so many people wanting ‘spit roast’ their favourite piece of pork!


REVIEW of 2008: Potts Cums Clean .. on Teachers

Mr Monkey has decided to dedicate the last few days of 2008 to some of the most popular posts of the year. All the archive material published between now and the end of the year has appeared on either Mr Monkey’s Blog or it’s predecessor The Monkeyhouse.

What better way to start this review of 2008 than with the borough’s very own King of Sleaze, Tory Boy councillor David Potts. His lack of morals, double dealing, lying and cheating, sleazy behaviour and his unflinching support for the local Labour party were exposed by Mr Monkey and eventually led to his downfall and de-selection as Parliamentary candidate for Edinburgh South West.

Potts Cums Clean .. on Teachers

Tory leader David Cameron is often ribbed by Gordon Brown for his lack of policies. Luckily for him, local Tory boy Potts has plenty of them, which he’s willing to put into practise at any opportunity.

Today’s policy is education

While last year he demanded the most vulnerable children in society be moved into boarding schools “because it’s cheaper”, now he’s pro-state school..well, pro-state school teachers anyway…

The pudgy-faced Tory boy, who has already had a primary school teacher girlfriend, has now taken to knocking-off a local comprehensive school teacher when he’s not commuting between Edinburgh and here.

A close friend of the (presumably traumatised) young lady contacted an associate of The Monkeyto say that he’d had his wicked way with the teacher upstairs in the Cottage Tavern pub in Cleadon. Trebles all round!

Who’d have thought it, the leader of the Tories on South Tyneside Council caught-up in a cottage-ing tryst.


Monkey Clip

As it’s nearly Christmas Mr Monkey thought it’s time he showed a little bit of Christmas spirit so he’s dedicating this week’s Monkey Clip to Council Leader Iain Malcolm – a man in denial.

CLICK HERE and enjoy.


It’s Good To Share ..

Apparently Council Leader Iain Malcolm is concerned about the wellbeing of some of his personal associates, who complained that they were uncomfortable using the men’s toilets.

He’s appointed a group of consultants to look at the problem and is now studying their findings and recommendations.

Early indications are that he is impressed by the report submitted by the University of Manchester and is keen to adopt it’s recommendations, which include spending thousands on “de-gendered” toilets.

Temporary signs have already been erected (can I say erected?) which now make the “ladies” simply “toilets”, while the “gents” have become “toilets with urinals”.

Councillor Iain Malcolm said,

“these changes are needed to tackle both gender-phobia and trans-phobia. We are a four star council and a beacon authority but we’ve failed to address this issue. It’s right and proper that those born with a gender imbalance have the right to use whichever toilet they want”.

Councillor Scorer who came to terms with his sexuality many years ago and who is affectionately referred to as Cissie said’

If you were born female, still present quite feminine, but define as a man you should be able to go into the men’s toilets – if that’s how you define. You don’t necessarily have had to have gender reassignment surgery, but you could just define yourself as a man, feel very masculine in yourself, feel that in fact being a woman is not who you are”

So in the true tradition of council spin and Miss Piggy speak, this latest leadership initiative is as clear as mud!


The Top Club’s Queen of Sleaze

Who said he's gay?

Who said Iain's gay?

Mr Monkey promised to tell you the tale about Andrea from The Top Club, one of Iain Malcolm’s former associates, so here it is.

Ed Malcolm, aka Frank Sidebottom, was overheard at the Labour Conference this year saying how shocked he was that Mr Monkey alleged that his brother Miss Piggy is gay. “Him! Gay!” he was heard shouting next to the Northumbrian Water stand – “How can they say he’s gay?”

Well this stupid granny shagger must be blind as well as daft – it might explain why he keeps poking old Olive Punchion.

Although Ed might have a fair point, after all brother Iain goes to great lengths to prove just how butch he is.

Back in the old days, Iain, The Queen of Sleaze, would slow right down in his old red Rover, wind down his window and shout ‘phwoarrrr’ any lass under the age of 50.

Sometimes, after all of his council meetings had finished, he’d head over to the Top Club where he’d prop up the bar making lewd gags to this poor lass called Andrea who worked behind the bar. He’s grab any opportunity he got to try and prove he was straight, he’d make bawdy jokes to Andrea about how he’d love to take her home and bang her till she couldn’t walk. That was until she called his bluff and said ‘OK take me home then, Iain’, the poor bastard ran a mile.

He might have been horny, but it’ll have been the bouncer he was interested in, not Andrea. To make matters worse it turned out that Andrea was related to Paul Waggott - the man he helped oust from Fellgate!

Mr Monkey has looked at part of Iain’s personal life (the attempt to arrange a marriage will be kept under wraps for now). Next up will be his political life, in particularly his love of leaks and all things postal.

Mr Monkey will reveal exactly how Paul Waggott’s infamous ‘lunatics’ e.mail reached the Shields Gazette back in January. Stay tuned to find out who leaked it, authorised it, printed it and posted it, and exactly who to.

He’ll be spitting FEATHERS when Mr Monkey delves deeper into his postbox fun .. did someone say FEATHERS?


Enough To Make You Cum

Mr Monkey reckons some pervert’s in the town hall will be following every filthy little detail of this case with interest CLICK HERE.

This chimp can’t help wondering whether this explains why so many arses are twitching at the prospect of being handcuffed to a bed .. I suppose it’s cheaper than buying a night’s subscription to Gay TV.


Iain Taps His Best Mate Up!

Mr Monkey has been exposing a lot of serious shit at South Tyneside Council over the past few weeks, but it’s always nice to tone it down now and then and have a bit of fun.

This ape recalls a funny story about Miss Piggy, aka Iain Malcolm, the leader of the council.

Way back when, Malcolm was in the Boys Brigade with another lad called Neil from East Moffett Street in South Shields. Now Neil was a real ladies man, shagging women in the toilets of Oz, taking home whoever he wanted, he had it all.

Unfortunately Miss Piggy didn’t and clung to him like a piece of shit to a new trainer. Sometimes Neil was nice enough to invite Miss Piggy along to Oz for a bit of a boogie. Sadly for Piggy, it always ended the same way: within a few minutes the ladies man would be off to tap off a hot bit of totty while Iain was left to his own devices.

Did he use his ‘charm’ and chubby cheeks to go and make some new friends? Did he fuck!

He walked round and round and round upstairs in Oz unable to look anyone in the eye and without the courage to talk to anyone, just like Papa John Szymanski at a Labour booze-up.

Thing is, Iain would still be getting invited to Glitterball to this day with Neil, nailing some older pussy (a bit like Ed still does) but their friendship came to a very abrupt end.

It seems that Iain couldn’t keep his gay feelings locked up forever and promptly tried to try it on with poor Neil, who was having none of it and shunned him forever.

Try looking anyone in the eye at tomorrow’s council meeting after THAT ONE Iain.

COMING SOON: Some raunchy tales from Andrea at the Top Club!


Monkey Clip

It’s been a tough week for council leader Iain Malcolm.

Since news of the multi-million pound pay off to 2 former friends colleagues at Newcastle Airport broke, his role in this murky affair has come under close media scrutiny.

In addition to sitting on the main Newcastle Airport Board, councillor Iain Malcolm sat on the remuneration panel which approved the £8.5 million payout to 2 fellow board members; the former Chief Executive and Director of Finance.

This week a number of other councils who own shares in Newcastle Airport and whose members appointed Iain Malcolm to the main airport board have called for a full public investigation, councillor Malcolm’s resignation and for South Tyneside Council to be stripped of it’s lead authority role.

In a gesture of sympathy, Mr Monkey has decided to dedicate this week’s Monkey Clip to the embattled leader of South Tyneside Council, councillor Iain Malcolm.  

Although his airport problem won’t go away at least he’ll be able to console himself by having a wank relaxing whilst he watches this hunk in action.

CLICK HERE and keep the tissues handy!


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