Archive for the 'Cottaging' Category

05
Jun
09

credit where credit’s due

It’s not often Mr Monkey thanks anyone especially the Fat Mackem Hobbit, aka Graham Rigg  over at the Shire, but credit where credit’s due.

It seems councillor David Potts, aka The King of Sleaze’s lackey has suddenly discovered – after being reminded by councillor Iain Malcolm – that comment moderation had been applied to Mr Monkey’s Blog.

Mr Monkey would like to thank the eagle eyed faggot – who is currently doing his thing over in France – for drawing the Fat Mackem Hobbit’s and therefore Mr Monkey’s attention to this oversight.

You’ll both be delighted to know that Mr Monkey has turned off comment moderation so all your comments will be immediately visible for all to see.

05
Mar
09

Potts Bats For Both Sides .. And Not Just Politically

'Love is in the air'

'Love is in the air'

For months the King of Sleaze, councillor David Potts has been obsessed with unmasking the chimp behind Mr Monkey’s Blog.

Poor old Pudgy Face – little did he know that he came within a whisker of revealing the person behind the monkey on Tuesday night when he and his male ‘friend’ enjoyed an intimate meal at  Brunnelos No 5 restaurant, above the Wheatsheaf pub in Boldon.

Mr Monkey nearly choked on his starter when The King of Sleaze and his male companion entered the restaurant. They had a couple of pre-dinner drinks before siting down for their meal. They left about an hour later but Mr Monkey couldn’t see whether they were holding hands or not.

It seems councillor Potts has alot more in common with council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy than this chimp first thought – they’re both fond of faggots.

21
Feb
09

is Miss Piggy about to be spit roasted?

'Spit roast'

'Spit roast'

Miss Piggy, aka council leader Iain Malcolm has been having a few nightmares recently wondering what Mr Monkey is up to, especially since bloggers gave this mischievous ape some useful pointers of where to dig when he applied comment moderation earlier in the week – and Mr Monkey has been busy ever since.

Apparently Miss Piggy doesn’t just have an odd skeleton in his closet, he’s got a whole grave yard full and one voice he doesn’t want to hear is that of Mary Taylor – she’s got some pretty damning evidence about councillor Iain Malcolm’s hatred of the British democratic system.

Miss Piggy will be horrified to learn that this voice from his past has been whispering in Mr Monkey’s ear and that this chimp is set to reveal all, very soon.

No wonder Miss Piggy can’t sleep when there’s so many people wanting ‘spit roast’ their favourite piece of pork!

26
Dec
08

REVIEW of 2008: Potts Cums Clean .. on Teachers

Mr Monkey has decided to dedicate the last few days of 2008 to some of the most popular posts of the year. All the archive material published between now and the end of the year has appeared on either Mr Monkey’s Blog or it’s predecessor The Monkeyhouse.

What better way to start this review of 2008 than with the borough’s very own King of Sleaze, Tory Boy councillor David Potts. His lack of morals, double dealing, lying and cheating, sleazy behaviour and his unflinching support for the local Labour party were exposed by Mr Monkey and eventually led to his downfall and de-selection as Parliamentary candidate for Edinburgh South West.

Potts Cums Clean .. on Teachers

Tory leader David Cameron is often ribbed by Gordon Brown for his lack of policies. Luckily for him, local Tory boy Potts has plenty of them, which he’s willing to put into practise at any opportunity.

Today’s policy is education

While last year he demanded the most vulnerable children in society be moved into boarding schools “because it’s cheaper”, now he’s pro-state school..well, pro-state school teachers anyway…

The pudgy-faced Tory boy, who has already had a primary school teacher girlfriend, has now taken to knocking-off a local comprehensive school teacher when he’s not commuting between Edinburgh and here.

A close friend of the (presumably traumatised) young lady contacted an associate of The Monkeyto say that he’d had his wicked way with the teacher upstairs in the Cottage Tavern pub in Cleadon. Trebles all round!

Who’d have thought it, the leader of the Tories on South Tyneside Council caught-up in a cottage-ing tryst.

21
Dec
08

Monkey Clip

As it’s nearly Christmas Mr Monkey thought it’s time he showed a little bit of Christmas spirit so he’s dedicating this week’s Monkey Clip to Council Leader Iain Malcolm – a man in denial.

CLICK HERE and enjoy.

08
Dec
08

It’s Good To Share ..

Apparently Council Leader Iain Malcolm is concerned about the wellbeing of some of his personal associates, who complained that they were uncomfortable using the men’s toilets.

He’s appointed a group of consultants to look at the problem and is now studying their findings and recommendations.

Early indications are that he is impressed by the report submitted by the University of Manchester and is keen to adopt it’s recommendations, which include spending thousands on “de-gendered” toilets.

Temporary signs have already been erected (can I say erected?) which now make the “ladies” simply “toilets”, while the “gents” have become “toilets with urinals”.

Councillor Iain Malcolm said,

“these changes are needed to tackle both gender-phobia and trans-phobia. We are a four star council and a beacon authority but we’ve failed to address this issue. It’s right and proper that those born with a gender imbalance have the right to use whichever toilet they want”.

Councillor Scorer who came to terms with his sexuality many years ago and who is affectionately referred to as Cissie said’

If you were born female, still present quite feminine, but define as a man you should be able to go into the men’s toilets – if that’s how you define. You don’t necessarily have had to have gender reassignment surgery, but you could just define yourself as a man, feel very masculine in yourself, feel that in fact being a woman is not who you are”

So in the true tradition of council spin and Miss Piggy speak, this latest leadership initiative is as clear as mud!

05
Dec
08

The Top Club’s Queen of Sleaze

Who said he's gay?

Who said Iain's gay?

Mr Monkey promised to tell you the tale about Andrea from The Top Club, one of Iain Malcolm’s former associates, so here it is.

Ed Malcolm, aka Frank Sidebottom, was overheard at the Labour Conference this year saying how shocked he was that Mr Monkey alleged that his brother Miss Piggy is gay. “Him! Gay!” he was heard shouting next to the Northumbrian Water stand – “How can they say he’s gay?”

Well this stupid granny shagger must be blind as well as daft – it might explain why he keeps poking old Olive Punchion.

Although Ed might have a fair point, after all brother Iain goes to great lengths to prove just how butch he is.

Back in the old days, Iain, The Queen of Sleaze, would slow right down in his old red Rover, wind down his window and shout ‘phwoarrrr’ any lass under the age of 50.

Sometimes, after all of his council meetings had finished, he’d head over to the Top Club where he’d prop up the bar making lewd gags to this poor lass called Andrea who worked behind the bar. He’s grab any opportunity he got to try and prove he was straight, he’d make bawdy jokes to Andrea about how he’d love to take her home and bang her till she couldn’t walk. That was until she called his bluff and said ‘OK take me home then, Iain’, the poor bastard ran a mile.

He might have been horny, but it’ll have been the bouncer he was interested in, not Andrea. To make matters worse it turned out that Andrea was related to Paul Waggott – the man he helped oust from Fellgate!

Mr Monkey has looked at part of Iain’s personal life (the attempt to arrange a marriage will be kept under wraps for now). Next up will be his political life, in particularly his love of leaks and all things postal.

Mr Monkey will reveal exactly how Paul Waggott’s infamous ‘lunatics’ e.mail reached the Shields Gazette back in January. Stay tuned to find out who leaked it, authorised it, printed it and posted it, and exactly who to.

He’ll be spitting FEATHERS when Mr Monkey delves deeper into his postbox fun .. did someone say FEATHERS?




Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.