Archive for the 'Dominatrix' Category

11
Mar
09

is the council trying to cover up what local people really think?

Last autumn South Tyneside Council was ordered to carry out a PLACE SURVEY by the government and it seems that senior council officers and don’t like the results.

South Tyneside like all other councils were required to undertake a Place Survey in their area between September and December 2008 and every 2 years thereafter.

The survey is designed to measure how residents experience life in South Tyneside, what they think about the place and their satisfaction with a range of local public services. It also provides information for 18 of the national performance indicators that all local councils are measured against.

The survey was a random postal survey and in order to ensure the results were reliable the council needed 1,100 completed questionnaires. The results are then weighted to reflect the profile of the population in each council area.

South Tyneside Council is facing a severe rap on the knuckles for delaying the publication of the national survey into council services. The surevy was due for national publication about 10 days ago, with the best performers getting slaps on the back and the kudos that goes with it – something that council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy and his chief executive, Irene Lucas, aka the Dominatrix keep ramming down the publics throat.

However, South Tyneside Council, seems to have taken thier ball home because they haven’t been able to manipulate the results to suit their own agenda and spin the truth about what people really think.

Senior officers and members have deliberately tried to sabotage the process in an attempt to keep the details of the survey secret and are trying to clog up the system by raising multiple queries on the results with the Audit Commission, as the national results make South Tyneside look very bad.

These queries have been spurious in the extreme, but have resulted in the Audit Commission delaying the publication due to a threat from South Tyneside to take it to a ministerial level – Mr Monkey can’t help wondering who that King Street loving shopaholic could be?

Senior officers and members are running scared of being found out for what they really are and for being held to account for their negligence in mismanaging the borough?

Perhaps Miss Piggy would like to tell this chimp when he can expect to read about this in the Shields Labour Gazetteer?

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09
Mar
09

the audit commission gives council top marks for losing £10 million

'Rewarding failure'

'Rewarding failure'

Council leader Iain Malcolm Miss Piggy and the borough’s Dominatrix, Irene Lucas might want to put their celebrations on hold following last week’s announcement by the Audit Commission that South Tyneside Council is rated a 4 star authority.

Mr Monkey has learned that the Audit Commission and it’s inspectors have become a laughing stock after they announced that Cambridge City Council won top marks for sound financial management and value for money – despite investing £9 million in Icelandic banks and a potential loss of £618,000 on Cambridge Folk Festival ticket sales.

The top score of four marks was awarded by the Audit Commission for the council’s use of resources and it was one of the 13 top performers in the country.

The award focused on strategic financial management, sound governance, effective financial reporting and giving taxpayers value for money.

Council leader Cllr Ian Nimmo-Smith said: “The Audit Commission is aware of the financial issues in relation to the Icelandic deposits, which affect many councils, and the Folk Festival tickets. I can’t say to what extent they have been taken into account.”

He added: “I’m very pleased the successful way which we run things in Cambridge has been recognised by the Audit Commission. This endorses the recent survey results that showed that residents in Cambridge rated the city council as providing value for- money services at a higher level than other districts in the county.”

At the recent budget setting meeting, Cllr Lewis Herbert, Labour group leader, likened the Liberal Democrats’ management of council finances to a “road crash” with Cllr Nimmo- Smith at the wheel.

He said the Icelandic investment and Folk Festival losses, after an internet ticket sales company went into liquidation, were “self-inflicted”. He said he was surprised the council still received a four-star rating.

He added: “Losing £9 million in Icelandic investments and over £1 million in interest and the Folk Festival tickets represents a shocking failure of the council’s control systems.”

For the second year running, the finance and value for money element of the inspection gave the county council the top score of four.

Cllr John Reynolds, cabinet member for corporate services, said: “I am delighted that our inspection found that the way we manage our budget and spend council taxpayers’ money is of the highest order. We continue to work within an extremely tight financial climate but this score shows we are among the best councils in the country when it comes to financial management.”

These weaknesses are now most evident. For a Council to be declared “excellent” in the same week that it cuts services and raises taxes, and in the same year that it slashes staff pay, is crazy.

The Council have released a special issue of their staff newsletter to congratulate everyone on the achievement.

At the top of the list of high performing services are the Revenues and Benefits service, who deal with Council Tax payments and the administration of benefits to the needy. They too have received a top 4 star rating and yet a mixture of bad laws, bad government and crazy local decision making has seen many of the staff in that department lose a crushingly large proportion of their salary this year.

There’s nothing about this in the congratulatory press releases issued by the Council, the Audit Commission and the government.

Mr Monkey can’t help wondering what South Tyneside is hiding?

05
Mar
09

a 4* star con

'Another stage managed picture - but was the inspection?'

'Another stage managed picture - but was the inspection?'

Miss Piggy aka, council leader Iain Malcolm and the borough’s dominatrix, aka council chief executive Irene Lucas are no doubt celebrating their apparent success at being awarded 4* star status following the CPA inspection.

There’s bound to be loads of back slapping and self congratulation and no doubt Miss Piggy will arrange a few freebies for his little piglets at the the public’s expense of course.

Apparently the Audit Commission doesn’t give stars for hospitality at the tax payers expense – if it did Mr Monkey reckons South Tyneside council would be the only authority in the UK with a 7 star rating.

Mr Monkey will be posting an alternative view to the arse licking version in today’s Gazette Malcolm Fanzine and bloggers can be certain it will contain a few home truths.

Keep an eye on Mr Monkeys Blog for what promises to be an interesting post.

20
Feb
09

Twat of the week

'Casanova shares the Twat of The Week award with the Audit Commission'

'Casanova shares the Twat of The Week award with the Audit Commission'

This week Mr Monkey has taken the unusual step of splitting the The Twat of The Week award between two worthy winners – councillor Michael Clare and the Audit Commission

Bloggers will know that South Tyneside Council loves picking up worthless awards and accolades and then force feeding the public a diet of shit by telling us all how good they are.

Apparently council services are regularly audited by the Audit Commission so that government can check on performance and value for money.

Some people believe the Audit Commission is a toothless wonder that’s in the pocket of government and reguarly fails to detect poor financial management and bad practise.

Here in South Tyneside, it was the Audit Commission who failed to spot an £11 million plus black hole in the council finances and then couldn’t explain why they had signed off the council’s accounts.

Today Mr Monkey has learned that this inept organisation has revealed that South Tyneside has among the ‘best pavements’ in the region and the second best in North East England.

Mr Monkey reckons the inspectors that visited the borough must have been blind. Either that or The Dominatrix, aka Irene Lucas the chief executive of South Tyneside Council stage managed the visit?

This chimp reckons there’s no way the inspectors would have reached this conclusion by wandering round the streets of Horsley Hill, Biddick Hall, Jarrow, Hebburn, Whiteleas or Simonside and Rekendyke.

But what’s really depressing about this latest ‘award’ con is that councillor Michael Clare actually believes the shite being spewed out by the council’s press office.

Cum on Casanova (more of this later) everyone except the fuckwits in the cabinet and chief executive’s office knows that the borough’s pavements are in a terrible state – just ask the council’s insurance company who are increasingly being asked to pick up the tab when people sue!

19
Jan
09

Irene Lucas Told To Turn The Music Down

Looking at today’s damp dreary weather, Mr Monkey can’t blame South Tyneside Council’s head honcho Irene Lucas for looking forward to her annual garden party.

This annual bash at her manor in Whitburn village is the stuff of legends and has raised an eyebrow or two amongst her neighbours who are used to a quiet and peaceful existence.

Apparently Ms Lucas loves to entertain her guests with live music but unfortunately this doesn’t always meet with her neighbours approval, one of whom had the audacity to call the Community Wardens to report loud music coming from the manor. This upstanding member of the community reckoned that the noise was disturbing the tranquility and peace of Whitburn village and wanted something done about it.

It seems that the Community Wardens paid a call on Ms Lucas and told her that they’d received a complaint from her neighbours and advised her to turn the music down.

Mr Monkey can’t help wondering how the warden service logged this complaint?

12
Jan
09

Is Mr Monkey’s Identity Set To Be Revealed?

Since Mr Monkey started his blog back in July, there’s been a huge amount of speculation as to the identity of this mystery chimp. Some of the suspects being linked to Mr Monkey’s Blog has had this chimp falling about in fits of laughter and over the last 6 weeks speculation has reached fever pitch.

It seems that certain individuals are so pissed off and frustrated at not knowing who the culprit is, they are taking their anger out on their nearest and dearest – apparently even the Malcolms kitchen table is looking the worse for wear.

Talk in the members lounge is that Mr Monkey has really got to some people and even the Dominatrix, Irene Lucas reckons this is the worst thing that’s happened to her in her local government career. Mr Monkey reckons this is because for the first time this control freak cannot manipulate and control those around her.

Mr Monkey will soon be posting a list of suspects so that those readers prone to speculation can let thier imagination run wild. The only problem is, Mr Monkey hasn’t decided whether to include himself on the list and if he does, you’ll never know.  

Unfortunately you’re going to have to wait a bit longer because Mr Monkey enjoys watching certain individuals squirm.

22
Dec
08

EXCLUSIVE: Bad News For Irene and Iain

EXCLUSIVE: Regular readers of Mr Monkey’s Blog will know that there is no love lost between South Tyneside Council’s dominatrix chief executive Irene Lucas and council leader Miss Piggy aka Iain Malcolm.

Since Miss Piggy replaced Paul Waggott as leader, Ms Lucas has desperately been trying to jump ship. A source close to the chief executive’s office has told Mr Monkey that she’s finding life under Miss Piggy extremely difficult and feels it’s only a matter of time before there is a huge bust up.

Ms Lucas is not used to playing second fiddle and likes to get her own way. She was able to manipulate former leader Paul Waggott; he did whatever he was told and knew his place in the scheme of things.

Unfortunately Miss Piggy is a different animal who loves to play the big I am and wants everybody around him to bow and scrape on his command. He’ also a more devious bastard that will stop at nothing to get his own way including selling his own family to the highest bidder.

Ms Lucas has applied for several positions since May including a senior position with the new Durham Unitary Authority. Last month Mr Monkey revealed she was sniffing round the vacant chief executive’s position at Sunderland City council CLICK HERE  and HERE.

According to one of her close aides skivvies that this was “her dream job”.

Mr Monkey can now reveal that her ‘dream’ has turned into a nightmare and that she’s been shunned by senior councillors at Sunderland who reckon she comes with too much baggage. Apparently she never even made the final shortlist.

Seems Ms Lucas is rapidly running out of options and has no choice but to play second fiddle to councillor Iain Malcolm.

Meanwhile council leader Miss Piggy is becoming increasingly frustrated at what he sees as Ms Lucas’s deliberate attempt to undermine him and would love nothing better than for her to leave – unfortunately it ain’t going to happen anytime soon.

Mr Monkey reckons both these power mad individuals; who loathe each other will have a pretty shit Christmas knowing they’ll have to work with each come 2009.

For the record the job went to David Smith who is currentlt the Acting chief executive.