Archive for the 'Family' Category

17
Mar
09

another photo opportunity for Miss Piggy

Seems council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy is using the publicly funded council press propaganda office to further his political ambitions by staging another photo opportunity with children. CLICK HERE.

 Anyone who knows Miss Piggy will confirm that there’s more chance of the pope fathering a child than there is of Miss Piggy shagging a woman. They’ll also tell you how uncomfortable he is when he’s around children – but hey, he’s able to conquer his fear of children if it means he’ll get some media exposure.

A while back a leading charity accused politicians of “cynically misusing” children in their campaigns. The NSPCC said they were “appalled to see children being used as props or being pointedly vilified in an attempt to win votes” and cited the use of children in pre-arranged photo opportunities.

 

Mr Monkey reckons politicians should be campaigning for children rather than using them for electioneering purposes. Children are citizens who deserve action – in the areas of health, tax, the economy, law and order and transport, as well as education and social policy.

 

Might it be even more cynical of this chimp to suggest that politicians “cynically misuse” anyone and everyone if it suits them? 

11
Feb
09

A Broody Pig

"Broody"

"Broody"

Judging by this picture of council leader Iain Malcolm it seems Miss Piggy is feeling broody.

Mr Monkey wonders whether it’s anything to do with a new arrival in the Malcolm clan? Either that or mam is not happy at the prospect of the Chuckle Brothers remaining childless forever, especially as her boys are getting on a bit.

This chimp reckons it’s not too late, they could always adopt like this couple CLICK HERE.

10
Feb
09

The Buffon and The Hogg

Bill 'The Buffoon' Brady is set to be replaced by The Hogg

Bill 'The Buffoon' Brady is set to be replaced by The Hogg

Mr Monkey heard an interesting conversation in the members lounge recently about the impending sacking retirement of councillor Bill ‘The Buffoon’ Brady.

Apparently councillors Iain Malcolm and Barry Scorer have been secretly meeting to discuss their make up and things girlie the new cabinet and they’ve decided it’s time to get rid of The Buffoon .

As a sweetener, to protect his income they intend to offer him the chair of one of the lesser committees at this year’s Annual General Meeting, better known as the SWEETIE SHOP. This is when the piglets Labour councillors gather round Miss Piggy’s - aka Iain Malcolm’s – trough to see what scraps the old sow will throw at them.

Mr Monkey has learned that The Buffoon already suspects he’s about to be sacked from the cabinet and has started putting it about that he intends to retire in 2010 and not seek re-election. But like all Labour councillors he cannot leave without having the last word.

The Buffoon is trying to manoeuvre his 19 year old grandson, aptly named David Hogg into the vacant seat to ensure the Brady line continues, despite the fact that he has no political credentials other than being a member of the Westoe Labour party.

That said, he’s already got a reputation for being a piss head and is increasingly seen enjoying free hospitality at the expense of the council tax payer. This year he joined a select band of Labour councillors stuffing their faces and drinking whatever they could get their hands on at the Great North Run hospitality tent. He’s also got a reputation for being a lazy bastard who can’t get up in a morning; probably something to do with the fact that he works in the Atlantic and Vibe nightclubs.

With credentials like these he seems an ideal choice for Iain Malcolm’s sleazy world of local Labour politics.

01
Jan
09

REVIEW OF 2008: Maggot, Waggott and Faggot

Many readers will remember the A and B teams of the local Labour party. 

There was the Jarrow lot led by Stephen Hepburn and Paul Waggot and then there was the Shields gang led by the old guard but behind the scenes there was the scheming and conniving Malcolm’s led by the fairy God-mother of all crooks, councillor Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy.

This post concerns some of the names given to the opposition his Labour colleagues by councillor Iain Malcolm, apparently he had a derogatory name for just about everyone including his own mother and brother.

Maggot, Waggott and Faggot ..

Apparently the current Monkey Puzzle has been the talk of the members lounge with councillors desperate to learn the real identities of Councillors Maggot, Waggott and Faggot. Well Mr Monkey can reveal all.

Maggot- this title was given to Councillor Linda Waggott as she has a liking for other peoples flesh.

Waggott – everyone must have got this one! If you haven’t where the hell have you been?

Faggot- most of you thought this was Councillor Iain Malcolm, unfortunately you’re way off the the mark. This honorary title goes to former Labour Councillor and now Member of Parliament for Jarrow, Stephen Hepburn.

What most of you won’t realise is that the phrase Maggot, Waggott and Faggot was coined by the current Leader of the Council, Iain Malcolm shortly after his lover’s tiff with Stephen Hepburn and his fallout with the Waggotts.

29
Dec
08

REVEIW OF 2008: Is Gazette Coverage Linked To Money?

Like many people Mr Monkey has always thought the amount of coverage given to local villain Noddy Rice and his family was over the top. Back in August this post speculated as to the real reason for Papa John Szymanski’s (editor of the local snooze-paper and chair of the Malcolm Fan Club) obsession with all things ‘Noddy’.

Is Gazette Coverage Linked To Money?

Mr Monkey normally doesn’t bother buying a copy of the Gazette but tonight will be different!

Mr Monkey wants to check out the Family Notices pages to see how much money has been spent on death notices for Ryan Burns, aka ‘Noddy’ Rice’s son. He reckons that this may explain why the Gazette’s coverage of the Noddy Rice clan is always over the top.

Who knows, the Gazette might even break with recent tradition and actually include something worth reading!

26
Dec
08

Mr Monkey Takes A Well Earned Rest .. But What Were 848 of You Doing?

Thank fuck it’s all over for another year .. apparently there’s only 364 days till next Christmas!

Mr Monkey took a well a earned rest from blogging yesterday and spent the day with his extended family including several nieces and nephews that he’s never seen before.

The monkey family also set a new record yesterday with 22 people sitting down for Christmas dinner – it was fucking chaos.

Mr Monkey’s sister and her husband decided to spend thier first Christmas in England since they emigrated to New Zealand back 1995 and of course it’s cost him a bloody fortune buying presents for family he normally only speaks to on the telephone.

With a bit of luck Mr Monkey will return the favour next year and spent the festive season in New Zealand – it’s called revenge.

Things are almost back to normal today and Mr Monkey is glad to get back to the serious business of blogging.

Mr Monkey has taken a look at yesterday’s stats and is amazed that so many of you are addicted to Mr Monkey’s Blog. It seems that even on Christmas day many of you can’t keep off your computers.

Yesterday Mr Monkey’s Blog received 848  hits and Mr Monkey reckons that many of you must have been either bored stiff of Christmas, fed up with with being nice to people you can’t stand or are just a bunch of sad bastards.

Whatever the reason, thanks for stopping by; Mr Monkey appreciates your support.




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