Archive for the 'Graham Glitter' Category


Twat of The Week

This week’s Twat of The Week Award was a close run thing with two of the borough’s largest egos going head to head.

The contenders were:

Papa John Szymanski – editor of the Shields Gazette Malcolm Fanzine.

He tried to con the people of Hebburn and Jarrow into believing that his local evening loo paper cares about them. After months of planning, he’s come up with a novel way of woeing his readers back – he’s given them their own website. But he’s left out the fact that he was the man behind the decision to stop publishing a Jarrow and Hebburn edition of the Gazette in the first place.

The Fat Mackem Hobbit – South Tyneside’s all seeing eye.

Known as Mr Ego and disparagingly called Inspector Clouseauless by his ‘mates’, this individual’s knowledge of all things South Tyneside is second to none – or so he claims.

He’s spent all his life in South Tyneside, taking pictures, exploring every hidden street and travelling to and from B & Q on Secretan Way, off Station Rd (opposite Tedco) were he spent the latter part of his working his life mixing paint.

You would expect his geographical knowledge to match his ego.

Earlier in the week he claimed to have found Mr Monkey’s secret lair, apparently the chimp has been hiding out at STCentral TV’s studios on River Drive. He also reckons that the owners of the company would have received a “knock or two from their Independent Councillor over the past two year’s”.

'Twat of The Week'

'Twat of The Week'

Having considered both candidates submissions carefully Mr Monkey has decided to award this week’s Twat of The Week Award to The Fat Mackem Hobbit and this is why:

  • STCentral TV is not based on River Drive but at  Tedco Business Works, Henry Robson Way, off Station Rd (opposite B & Q), you’ve passed it for years you fuckwit and there’s only been an Independent councillor in this area for 9 months and not 2 years.

As for Papa John Szyamanski, he can bet his last sausage roll on the fact that he’ll pick up the award sometime soon.


Where Was Mr Monkey Yesterday?

"Is that you David? Cum quickly I've found the Monkey he's hiding in a tv station here in South Shields, hurry, hurry before he escapes"

"Is that you David? Cum quickly I've found the Monkey he's hiding in a tv station here in South Shields."

Bloggers will have noticed that posting was a bit on the light side yesterday; this was because Mr Monkey was on location filming for South Tyneside’s internet television channel, STcentral. CLICK HERE.

At least that’s what ‘Mr Ego’ aka The Fat Mackem Hobbit over at the Shire would have his handful of readers believe with his latest conspiracy theory. No wonder the lads in the snooker club have nicknamed the fuckwit Inspector Clouseauless.

Mr Monkey is sorry to have to disappoint the handful readers that stop by the Shire, but yesterday’s lack of posting was due to this chimp doing nothing more sinister than keeping a hospital appointment which left him feeling a bit groggy and a little out of sorts.


Monkey Clip

This week’s Monkey Clip is dedicated to all the closet racists hiding out there in the Shire blogsphere. 


The Prince Of Sleaze

'Once a prick, always a prick'

'Once a prick, always a prick'

This chimp promised bloggers a picture of the King of Sleaze, aka councillor David Potts when he was nothing but a prince aged about 13. CLICK HERE.

The picture says it all and probably explains why he been such a prick ever since he discovered his own knob. Take a peak at his right hand.

Mr Monkey never realised what a fat bastard he was and now understands why his school mates named him Pudgy Face or was it Lard Arse?


The Week Ahead

The week ahead will go down in history as one of the momentous of our time

It’s the week when: 

George W Bush is consigned to the history books and will be remembered as the worst US President ever
Barack Obama becomes the first African American President of America
Labour Prime Minister Gordon Brown saddles future generations with yet more debt
Kaka joins Manchester City and becomes the first £100 million pound footballer
Mr Monkey’s Blog reaches the 100,000 hits milestone in record time
The long awaited list of ‘Monkey Suspects’ is published
Graham Glitter aka Curly has an ape free day and doesn’t post or comment about the borough’s premier blogger Mr Monkey
The Fat Mackem Hobbit admits he’s obssesed with all things ape and that he’ll do anything to feed off Mr Monkey’s success
and David Miliband spends a day in his constituency; watch out for him on Ocean Road.



Apparently ‘Graham Glitter’ aka The Fat Mackem Hobbit over at the Shire has been banging on about censorship on Mr Monkey’s Blog.

Relax Mr Glitter there’s nothing sinister going on and this chimp has no problem with people posting whatever they want, unless it’s Glitter and his gang who Mr Monkey finds annoying; a bit like shit on his shoes.

Yesterday Mr Monkey spent the afternoon experimenting with his new WordPress dashboard especially the section on spam filtering. Mr Monkey has been swamped with spam and has received 1200+ comments, links, pingbacks and trackbacks identified as spam – and he’s had enough.

Yesterday Mr Monkey activated various options on his dashboard and unfortunately it seems some comments were identified as spam. Mr Monkey has now altered his spam filters to make sure anyone who wants to comment, can. Unless they’ve been barred.

Unlike South Tyneside Council and it’s leader Iain Malcolm Miss Piggy, Mr Monkey doesn’t believe in censorship and all comments received are now visible.

UPDATE: Don’t forget Mr Monkey is working on his list of Monkey Suspects and will be publishing it later this week.