Archive for the 'Greggs' Category


Twat of the week

'Mr Piggy' aka councillor Iain Malcolm

TWAT OF THE WEEK 'Miss Piggy' aka councillor Iain Malcolm

There can only be one winner this week following his fuckwit comments made at another Labour party council bash in the town hall.

Mr Monkey can reveal that the Labour party had another do in the town hall last Friday at the taxpayers expense and all the usual scroungers were in attendance including Miss Piggy, aka Iain Malcolm and his lackey Mr Dumpy, aka Papa John Szymanski editor of the Gazette.

Bloggers stupid enough to waste 42p on the local snooze paper can’t have failed to have noticed that editorial control has been handed over to the local Labour party their minister of propaganda Linda Fothergill.

Mr Monkey can confirm that the takeover has finally been completed at a ceremony last Friday when Papa John sat at the top table and was given a plate of his favourite sausage rolls as a reward for all his dedication and hard work on behalf of the party.

Before formally accepting the keys to the Papa John’s office, Miss Piggy acknowledged Mr Dumpy’s achievements and praised him for his outstanding and unbiased reporting and told the assembled crowd of scroungers that it was with some regret that he had decided to change the name of the Shields Gazette to The Labour Gazetteer.

Cum on Miss Piggy if you are that desperate to feel his Papa John’s arse you should have just asked him, there was no need to lick it.

Yes you’ve guessed it – The Twat Of The Week is council leader Iain Malcolm affectionately known as Miss Piggy.


Twat of The Week

This week’s Twat of The Week Award was a close run thing with two of the borough’s largest egos going head to head.

The contenders were:

Papa John Szymanski – editor of the Shields Gazette Malcolm Fanzine.

He tried to con the people of Hebburn and Jarrow into believing that his local evening loo paper cares about them. After months of planning, he’s come up with a novel way of woeing his readers back – he’s given them their own website. But he’s left out the fact that he was the man behind the decision to stop publishing a Jarrow and Hebburn edition of the Gazette in the first place.

The Fat Mackem Hobbit – South Tyneside’s all seeing eye.

Known as Mr Ego and disparagingly called Inspector Clouseauless by his ‘mates’, this individual’s knowledge of all things South Tyneside is second to none – or so he claims.

He’s spent all his life in South Tyneside, taking pictures, exploring every hidden street and travelling to and from B & Q on Secretan Way, off Station Rd (opposite Tedco) were he spent the latter part of his working his life mixing paint.

You would expect his geographical knowledge to match his ego.

Earlier in the week he claimed to have found Mr Monkey’s secret lair, apparently the chimp has been hiding out at STCentral TV’s studios on River Drive. He also reckons that the owners of the company would have received a “knock or two from their Independent Councillor over the past two year’s”.

'Twat of The Week'

'Twat of The Week'

Having considered both candidates submissions carefully Mr Monkey has decided to award this week’s Twat of The Week Award to The Fat Mackem Hobbit and this is why:

  • STCentral TV is not based on River Drive but at  Tedco Business Works, Henry Robson Way, off Station Rd (opposite B & Q), you’ve passed it for years you fuckwit and there’s only been an Independent councillor in this area for 9 months and not 2 years.

As for Papa John Szyamanski, he can bet his last sausage roll on the fact that he’ll pick up the award sometime soon.


The Prince Of Sleaze

'Once a prick, always a prick'

'Once a prick, always a prick'

This chimp promised bloggers a picture of the King of Sleaze, aka councillor David Potts when he was nothing but a prince aged about 13. CLICK HERE.

The picture says it all and probably explains why he been such a prick ever since he discovered his own knob. Take a peak at his right hand.

Mr Monkey never realised what a fat bastard he was and now understands why his school mates named him Pudgy Face or was it Lard Arse?


Mouths To Feed

The Tax Payers Alliance and The Northern Echo CLICK HERE recently revealed that South Tyneside Council spent more than £25,000 on refreshments between April 2007 and March 2008. But Mr Monkey reckons the real figure is much higher.

This type of eexpenditure is notoriously difficult to track because it can easily be hidden under lots of different budget headings that make no reference to hospitality and refreshments- the Department of Revenue and Customs calls it ‘creative accounctancy’ – Mr Monkey calls it fiddling the books.

This system allows senior councillors and officers to manipulate budgets to suit the needs of those who think being a councillor means you pay for fuck all.

Mr Monkey wonders what this year’s refreshment bill will be given the change of leadership and Miss Piggy’s, aka councillor Iain Malcolm’s love for the finer things in life .. providing someone else is paying for it.

Bloggers will remember these posts about the fat twats feeding at the trough CLICK HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE, it seems that under the aptly named Miss Piggy regime, these scrounging bastards are set to cost the taxpayer a whole lot more.

That’s without the new in take of heavyweights such as Papa John Szymanski the editor of the Shields Gazette Malcolm Fanzine, Indy councillors Ahmed Khan, Geraldine White, Gordon Finch and all the other hangers on like former councillors Arthur Meeks, John Wood, Paul Waggott, wannabe councillors Joyce Welsh, Neil Maxwell, Alan Smith, Terry Fairley, arse lickers like Linda Hemmer and any other idiots Labour can find to work for them in return for a few sausage rolls.

With mouths like these to feed, it’s no wonder the leader of the council Iain Malcolm Miss Piggy gave his brother and wanabee Labour MP for Houghton and Washington East the cabinet portfolio that includes overseeing council budgets.



Last week Mr Monkey commented on how the Malcolm Fanzine Shields Gazette seems to constantly be playing catch up when it comes to real news. CLICK HERE.

Over the past couple of years the Gazette’s news content has gradually disappeared and it now relies on recycled news from elsewhere and press releases from South Tyneside Council’s Department of Spin.

Seems Papa John would much rather concentrate his efforts on Bonny Bairns and letters to Santa than reporting the news. 

Last week’s post was called READ ALL ABOUT IT – A Day Later, but Mr Monkey didn’t release that as he was writing this, Papa John was planning to top all his previous fuckups by snubbing the local MP.

On Monday (1st December) U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice performed in a piano quintet for the Queen at Buckingham Palace. She was joined by Louise Miliband the wife of South Shields MP and Foreign Secretary David Miliband, on violin, and three members of the London Symphony Orchestra.

Now as far as Mr Monkey can recall it’s not every day that the local MP’s wife plays such a high profile gig which probably explains why every daily newspaperon both sides of the Atlantic featured the story the following day (Tuesday). Yet the Malcolm Fanzine Shields Gazette missed the whole event .

Somebody must have reminded Papa John what he’d been missing and he eventually managed to include the story in Friday’s (5th December) paper CLICK HERE.

It only took 5 days for the chubby bastard to realise what was going on in the world beyond Greggs – either that or his love of council leader Iain Malcolm prevented him from doing his job.

We all know that Miss Piggy loathes David Miliband who he blames for his failure to secure the MP’s job for himself.

Mr Monkey reckons the Shields Gazette deserves the title SNOOZEPAPER after this dismal showing – perhaps someone should prod Papa John the next time they see him to check whether the lazy twat is still breathing?


Fat Twat In A Santa Suit

Miss Piggy, councillor Iain Malcolm seems to have cum out of the closet (no not that one) and is sniffing round the Fat Mackem Hobbit over at the Shire corner shop.

After posting comments under all sorts of names over the past couple of years it seems Miss Piggy has cum out into the open and has turned on his feminine charm. Apparently the arse fiddler sees Mr Hobbit aka Curly as his next conquest.

He’s already charmed the pants socks off the Burton’s dummy over at the Gazette and all it took was a few sausage rolls and an invite to join the in crowd. In return Papa John Szymanski does everything Miss Piggy demands of him. Councillor Iain Malcolm reckons every newspaper editor should be as obedient as Papa John – his life would be so much easier.

Mr Monkey reckons The Fat Mackem Hobbit over at the Shire will demand a higher price than Papa John – at least 6 sausage rolls. But imagine what the Hobbit would do for a complementary press pass which would allow him to photograph anything he wants?

Just keep your eye out for a little fat twat in a Santa suit loitering around panto venues – it could be the Hobbit.


The Slim Mackem Hobbit!

The Fat Mackem Hobbit over at the corner shop has not been too well over the weekend. Mr Monkey sends his best wishes to the Hobbit and wishes him a speedy recovery.

Seems Mr Hobbit”s has set himself a new goal – he wants to be known as the Slim Mackem Hobbit.

If you’re serious about changing you’re lifestyle keep out of the Pomodoro on Stanhope Rd and leave the Greggs sausage rolls and pasties to councillor Iain Malcolm’s lackey, Papa John Szymanski.

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