Archive for the 'Humour' Category

16
Jul
09

beer money

Mr Monkey came across this poster in the toilet at the Fountain last weekend.

It probably explains the sudden disappearance of council leader Iain ‘piggy’ Malcolm.

"am I only worth 25 fucking dollars, that would'nt even buy my hair dye"

"am I only worth 25 fucking dollars, that would'nt even buy my hair dye"

14
Jul
09

especially for the chuckle brothers

After last week’s false alarm when the Chuckle Brothers, aka councillors Ed and Iain Malcolm thought they’d discovered Mr Monkey’s whereabouts CLICK HERE this chimp reckons they deserve a consolation prize.

So come on boys try your hand at this CLICK HERE – it’s the closest you’ll ever come to catching this ape.

27
Jan
09

TWAT OF THE WEEK

‘TWAT OF THE WEEK’

"I wish I was in King Street. It's a lovely shopping area and I go down there quite often to visit the bank and stores, but only for the cameras you understand. Do you really think I’d swap Harrods for BM Bargains?"

"I wish I was in King Street. It's a lovely shopping area and I go down there quite often to visit the bank and stores, but only for the cameras you understand. But I would'nt swap Harrods for BM Bargains?"

Mr Monkey has introduced a new weekly feature called ‘Twat of the Week’. 

It’s very simple; Mr Monkey will decide which public figure – in or connected to South Tyneside – has made a twat of themselves on camera. He will then post the winning picture on Mr Monkey’s Blog for all the world to see.

Mr Monkey is pleased to announce that the first ‘Twat of the Week’ award goes to the Foreign Secretary and MP for South Shields, David Miliband aka brains – unfortunately he seems to have left them in Colman’s when this picture was taken.

11
Jan
09

Monkey Clip

This week’s Monkey Clip is dedicated to the ‘Gang of Three’ desperado’s who’ll do anything to become MPs.
CLICK HERE and find out what really drives these greedy fuckwits and it hasn’t got anything to do with helping the public.

21
Dec
08

Monkey Clip

As it’s nearly Christmas Mr Monkey thought it’s time he showed a little bit of Christmas spirit so he’s dedicating this week’s Monkey Clip to Council Leader Iain Malcolm – a man in denial.

CLICK HERE and enjoy.

20
Dec
08

Sock and Awe – Part 2

On Thursday Mr Monkey brought you the Sock and Awe game where bloggers can follow in the footsteps of the Iraqi Journalist who had the balls to throw his shoes at George W Bush.

Judging by the massive response to this post; nearly 2000 page hits in less than 48 hours, Mr Monkey’s reckons you are either a sick lot or you’d liked to have hit the war mongering bastard yourself.

The Iraqi shoe throwing incident has led to ‘A Coalition of Shoe Throwers’. The Germans have now also developed their own version of the game where shoe throwers simply click on the shoe and try and hit Bush as many times as they can in 50 seconds, and there’s even a league table of top scorers.

Give it a go by CLICKING HERE.

08
Dec
08

It’s Good To Share ..

Apparently Council Leader Iain Malcolm is concerned about the wellbeing of some of his personal associates, who complained that they were uncomfortable using the men’s toilets.

He’s appointed a group of consultants to look at the problem and is now studying their findings and recommendations.

Early indications are that he is impressed by the report submitted by the University of Manchester and is keen to adopt it’s recommendations, which include spending thousands on “de-gendered” toilets.

Temporary signs have already been erected (can I say erected?) which now make the “ladies” simply “toilets”, while the “gents” have become “toilets with urinals”.

Councillor Iain Malcolm said,

“these changes are needed to tackle both gender-phobia and trans-phobia. We are a four star council and a beacon authority but we’ve failed to address this issue. It’s right and proper that those born with a gender imbalance have the right to use whichever toilet they want”.

Councillor Scorer who came to terms with his sexuality many years ago and who is affectionately referred to as Cissie said’

If you were born female, still present quite feminine, but define as a man you should be able to go into the men’s toilets – if that’s how you define. You don’t necessarily have had to have gender reassignment surgery, but you could just define yourself as a man, feel very masculine in yourself, feel that in fact being a woman is not who you are”

So in the true tradition of council spin and Miss Piggy speak, this latest leadership initiative is as clear as mud!




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