Archive for the 'Investment' Category

11
Mar
09

vodka lil will be fucked tonight

Vodka Lil, aka councillor Eileen Leask who knows how to fiddle the benefits system but doesn’t know what day of the the week it is when she’s had a couple of vodkas will be well and truly fucked tonight – not by Peter – he’s got no balls.

For bloggers who are not familiar with councillor Leask, aka Vodka Lil she’s one of 2 Labour councillors in Horlsey Hill, the other one is Miss Piggy, aka council leader Iain Malcolm.

Councillor Leask has a reputation for being a total piss head and is one of those people that no one wants to know when she’s drunk. Her behaviour is outrageous and she’s an embarrassment to those unfortunate enough to be in her company.

This fuckwit also has a reputation for being brain dead and is referred to as thick twat by some of her colleagues.

Despite all this baggage, her ward colleague, council leader Iain Malcolm has bought her loyalty by giving her the chair of the Tyne and Wear Pensions committee which is responsible for billions of pounds worth of pension assets. The position carries a yearly allowance of nearly £10,000 and is renowned for its freebies and junkets.

Mr Monkey has learned that the Pensions committee has spent the last 3 days on a junket in the South of England and will be returning to Newcastle – via first class rail travel – later tonight. Apparently the poor bastards are fucked tired following 3 days of over eating, drinking and being entertained at the publics expense.

Mr Monkey hopes Vodka Lil is going to declare this holiday to the Benefits Agency?

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09
Mar
09

the audit commission gives council top marks for losing £10 million

'Rewarding failure'

'Rewarding failure'

Council leader Iain Malcolm Miss Piggy and the borough’s Dominatrix, Irene Lucas might want to put their celebrations on hold following last week’s announcement by the Audit Commission that South Tyneside Council is rated a 4 star authority.

Mr Monkey has learned that the Audit Commission and it’s inspectors have become a laughing stock after they announced that Cambridge City Council won top marks for sound financial management and value for money – despite investing £9 million in Icelandic banks and a potential loss of £618,000 on Cambridge Folk Festival ticket sales.

The top score of four marks was awarded by the Audit Commission for the council’s use of resources and it was one of the 13 top performers in the country.

The award focused on strategic financial management, sound governance, effective financial reporting and giving taxpayers value for money.

Council leader Cllr Ian Nimmo-Smith said: “The Audit Commission is aware of the financial issues in relation to the Icelandic deposits, which affect many councils, and the Folk Festival tickets. I can’t say to what extent they have been taken into account.”

He added: “I’m very pleased the successful way which we run things in Cambridge has been recognised by the Audit Commission. This endorses the recent survey results that showed that residents in Cambridge rated the city council as providing value for- money services at a higher level than other districts in the county.”

At the recent budget setting meeting, Cllr Lewis Herbert, Labour group leader, likened the Liberal Democrats’ management of council finances to a “road crash” with Cllr Nimmo- Smith at the wheel.

He said the Icelandic investment and Folk Festival losses, after an internet ticket sales company went into liquidation, were “self-inflicted”. He said he was surprised the council still received a four-star rating.

He added: “Losing £9 million in Icelandic investments and over £1 million in interest and the Folk Festival tickets represents a shocking failure of the council’s control systems.”

For the second year running, the finance and value for money element of the inspection gave the county council the top score of four.

Cllr John Reynolds, cabinet member for corporate services, said: “I am delighted that our inspection found that the way we manage our budget and spend council taxpayers’ money is of the highest order. We continue to work within an extremely tight financial climate but this score shows we are among the best councils in the country when it comes to financial management.”

These weaknesses are now most evident. For a Council to be declared “excellent” in the same week that it cuts services and raises taxes, and in the same year that it slashes staff pay, is crazy.

The Council have released a special issue of their staff newsletter to congratulate everyone on the achievement.

At the top of the list of high performing services are the Revenues and Benefits service, who deal with Council Tax payments and the administration of benefits to the needy. They too have received a top 4 star rating and yet a mixture of bad laws, bad government and crazy local decision making has seen many of the staff in that department lose a crushingly large proportion of their salary this year.

There’s nothing about this in the congratulatory press releases issued by the Council, the Audit Commission and the government.

Mr Monkey can’t help wondering what South Tyneside is hiding?

02
Mar
09

who pressed the wrong button?

After months of waiting, the electronic voting system in the council chamber was used for the first time at last week’s full council meeting.

Things could’nt have been simpler, all the bloodsuckers councillors had to do was:

  • press the the green button for yes
  • press the the red button for no
  • press the white button to abstain

but Mr Monkey has learned that it was all to much for one fuckwit who seems to have pressed the wrong button and voted with the Tories.

When it was time to vote on the King of Sleaze’s, Tory Boy Potts amendment, 43 voted against the motion and 3 voted for it – yet there were only 2 Tories in the chamber.

This chimp is trying to find out who the fuckwit was and will let bloggers know as soon as he hears anything.

09
Feb
09

GAZETTE: The End Is Nigh

Mr Monkey reckons the newspaper industry has moved towards the end of middle-age, growing increasingly aware of its own mortality.

Like someone nearing retirement, it might well expect to have a couple of decades left before it’s ready to start pushing up the daisies.

However, the reality is many groups haven’t led the healthiest of lifestyles. Instead of investing for the future, they became greedier and greedier in the margins they chased.

It wasn’t so long ago Johnston Press, whose titles include the Shields Gazette and the Sunderland Echo, were the toast of the industry. Thirty per cent profits.

Why aren’t we making that, they chorused in boardrooms up and down the land.

Now look at them; they’re shares are not worth a bag of crisps.

It’s easy to be wise with hindsight but like all newspaper groups, they never really “got” the internet until it started getting to them.

In late middle-age it seems Johnston Press may well be prone to a sudden heart attack.

Mr Monkey can’t help wondering how long the banks are going to put up with their debt mountain – which is approaching half a billion pounds – and given they’re falling revenues it won’t be long before they decide it’s time to foreclose.

It must be worrying times for those employed by the Gazette – do yourselves a favour and get out before it’s too late – apparently Papa John Szymanski is already looking.

03
Feb
09

J2C!

Most of you will have heard of J2o, the overpriced fruit juice sold in pubs. But how many have you heard of J2C?

Bloggers will remember the dot com gold rush and the obscene amounts of money that changed hands on the back of the dot com boom. It seemed that an internet millionaire was born everyday and we were fed a diet of get rich quick schemes.

Entrepreneurs in the North East got in on the act and even the present chairman of David Miliband’s Labour constituency party and former MEP, Alan Donnelly wanted a piece of the action.

He invested £1,250 in a company called Just2Clicks.com (J2C) and following a quick flotation he turned his investment into a paper fortune of £1.5 million in just 7 weeks.

The company promptly went into liquidation leaving many investorss out of pocket with some fairing better than others. At the same time the founders and directors and those investors in the know did very well out of the scam and pocketed millions of pounds between them.

There’s still a lot of questions that investors would like answered so how about it Mr Donnelly do you fancy telling them what really happened?

Whilst your thinking about it, Mr Monkey is delving a deeper and will be posting on this subject again.

If bloggers would like a little more background information CLICK HERE, HERE, and HERE.

29
Jan
09

What A Waste Of Money Ed .. ith

Reports reaching Mr Monkey suggest that councillor Ed .. ith Malcolm seems to have pissed her his money down the drain in pursuit of her his political ambitions.

Apparently Ed .. ith was taking elocution lessons so that she could speak ‘proper’ when it came to making her his maiden speech in Westminster. Unfortunately the dozy half of the Chuckle Brothers never made it past the first hurdle and her his efforts were thwarted by Labour North who decided to impose an all women’s shortlist on the Houghton and Washington East constituency to keep this scheming bastard out. Despite her his protests they discovered she had a dick and would therefore have to withdraw.

Ed .. ith has now been relegated to doing her his proper job – making a twat of her himself as lead member for resources. Apparently the Indy Alliance asked a series of searching questions at last week’s full council which seemed to have confused the fuck out of her him and turned her him into a blubbering wreck. He didn’t even manage a stutter.

Mr Monkey reckons that with this fuckwit in charge of the council’s finance we’re likelyto see more financial black holes than a galaxy far, far away.

16
Dec
08

EXCLUSIVE: Creative Accountancy or Cooking The Books?

EXCLUSIVE: Seems South Tyneside is about to cover up reveal another black hole it’s finances.

Readers will recall that several years ago an £11 million  ‘Black Hole’ mysteriously appeared in the council’s finances and in the best traditions of local government spin they some how managed to pass the buck and keep their jobs. But this time a source close to the leadership has expressed concern that they might not be able to get away with it.

Apparently senior councillors and officers are concerned that a combined opposition will latch on to this latest financial scandal and demand answers which may prove difficult to provide without incriminating themselves. They’re also concerned that this issue will unify the opposition parties in the run up to 2010 local elections and fuck any chances Miss Piggy might have of doing a deal to stay in power should Labour lose it’s majority.

Mr Monkey has been told that Corporate Governance and Adult Services are the two departments affected and between them they’ve managed to overspend by a massive £12 million pounds.

Seems Miss Piggy, council leader Iain Malcolm’s pledge to keep the council tax down is just pie in the sky. Either that or they are going to have to cook the books do some pretty creative accountancy between now and March.