Archive for the 'Jarrow' Category

20
Jun
09

is the member for jarrow a peckish plonky?

'The memebr for Jarrow thinks the taxpayer should pay for his grocery bill'

'The memebr for Jarrow thinks the taxpayer should pay for his grocery bill'

It seems Jarrow MP Stephen Hepburn loves nothing more than a free feed and piss up at the taxpayers expense – maybe it’s a legacy from his days of being a South Tyneside councillor.

According to the Parliamentary expenses published yesterday, Mr Hepburn thinks that the taxpayer should pick up his grocery bill and he sees nothing wrong in claiming around £75 per week for food – last year the greedy bastard managed to fuck the taxpayer to the tune of £3,850 for his food bill alone.

His expenses also show that he claimed £450 for a washing machine and nearly £500 for a digital camera – which by coincidence happened to be bought a couple of weeks before Christmas – Mr Monkey reckons somebody probably got a canny Christmas present.

Mr Monkey also reckons that the taxpayer has been paying for his drinking habit under the guise of petty cash. Examination of Mr Hepburn’s claims reveal that he claimed £250 a month for ‘petty cash’. This is the monthly limit allowed and there’s no requirement to submit receipts.

This chimp can’t help wondering how he managed to claim exactly £250 month after month unless of course he was milking the system to feed his boozing habit – he can often be found on a Sunday afternoon pissed up in the Clock in Hebburn.

Maybe he should take a leaf out of David Miliband’s book and pay some of the money back?

18
Jun
09

miliband and hepburn caught with their snouts in the trough

The Pig Sty House of Commons has finally published details of MPs’ expenses claims – more than a year after the High Court ordered their publication and weeks after they were leaked to the Daily Telegraph.

Revelations about their claims have forced some MPs to announce their resignations and yesterday junior Treasury minister, Kitty Ussher became the latest MP to quit the Government following allegations that she avoided paying capital gains tax by “flipping” her second home.

The list of MPs expenses includes printed documents and receipts relating to claims made between 2004/05 and 2007/08 for a series of parliamentary allowances, but it seems they are still a bit coy about telling the public the whole truth – many details have been blanked out or have been left out altogether.

These include claims under the £24,000-a-year Additional Costs Allowance, which reimburses MPs for the cost of having to maintain a second home while serving at Westminster; the £22,000 Incidental Expenses Provision, which pays for running an office; and the £10,400 Communications Allowance, which covers the cost of newsletters and websites to inform constituents about their activities; as well as details of expenditure on stationery and postage.

Many of the expense claims and supporting receipts feature large blacked out areas where it’s not always clear what has been obscured or why.

The list does not include the addresses of MPs’ homes, which means it’s virtually impossible to identify so-called flipping – where MPs switch the designation of their second properties to maximise their claims and avoid paying capital gains tax.

Also blanked out are the details of people and companies to whom payments were made using expenses and correspondence between MPs and the Commons Fees Office have also been removed.

But despite this cover up it seems our local MPs have well and truly had their snouts in the trough, CLICK HERE for details of Jarrow MP, Stephen Hepburn’s expenses and HERE for details South Shields MP, David Miliband’s claims.

07
May
09

pigs set to gather at Iain Malcolm’s trough on saturday

After a hectic few days Mr Monkey is back in the swing of things.

Next Tuesday the people of South Tyneside will know the names of all the councillors that have either been bought off with paid positions and whose silence and obedience has been guaranteed for another year. 

Last year the then newly crowned council leader, Iain Malcolm broke with tradition and made a few more enemies within his own ranks by giving paid positions to a handful of opposition councillors all of whom gladly took anything that was on offer as long as it was paid.

Councillor Iain Malcolm’s motives were two fold – to prevent the opposition from uniting and to exert his dominance over the Jarrow Labour party by rubbing their faces in it- apparently he’s always promised his inner circle that when he grabs power he would put an end to the Jarrow Labour party and shut Jarrow town hall.

Mr Monkey reckons Saturday’s Labour group meeting will be a lively affair as many loyal party members are angry that they have either not been offered a paid position or that they have not been given what they want. This chimp has heard that resentment is growing and that if councillor Malcolm gives any paid positions to opposition councillors this will be seen as a slap in the face by some and will re-open many of the old wounds.

Followers of the local political scene will have noticed that Iain Malcolm’s leadership style has revived the old A and B team split between Jarrow and South Shields and that the infighting began within days of him taking the leadership last May.

The most recent example of this split is the sudden and dramatic departure of senior councillor and cabinet member Tom Hanson who resigned from his lucarative position in the cabinet less than 2 weeks before the new cabinet was announced. CLICK HERE.

'Saturday's gathering of the pigs round Iain Malcolm's trough promises to be a lively affair'

'Saturday's gathering of the pigs round Iain Malcolm's trough promises to be a lively affair'

It seems that once the news leaked out, councillor Malcolm was furious and has ordered an investigation into how this sensitive information got into the public domain. He’s also tried to silence councillor Hanson by threatening to remove him from the Integrated Transport Authority which is a well paid postion and gives him free travel.

Councillor Hanson now refuses to comment on the matter publicly but privately he’s telling everyone that he’s been treated very badly and has been “shit on”. He’s also telling peopel that if councillor Malcolm insists on trying to break up the Jarrow Labour party he will reveal what he knows about councillor Malcolm, his leadership style and what the real agenda in the town hall is.

Mr Monkey can’t wait for Saturday and is looking forward to witnessing Iain Malcolm’s pigletts fighting over who gets what from his trough and it will be interesting to see how many people levae the meeting with a bloody nose.

06
Feb
09

Twat of The Week

This week’s Twat of The Week Award was a close run thing with two of the borough’s largest egos going head to head.

The contenders were:

Papa John Szymanski – editor of the Shields Gazette Malcolm Fanzine.

He tried to con the people of Hebburn and Jarrow into believing that his local evening loo paper cares about them. After months of planning, he’s come up with a novel way of woeing his readers back – he’s given them their own website. But he’s left out the fact that he was the man behind the decision to stop publishing a Jarrow and Hebburn edition of the Gazette in the first place.

The Fat Mackem Hobbit – South Tyneside’s all seeing eye.

Known as Mr Ego and disparagingly called Inspector Clouseauless by his ‘mates’, this individual’s knowledge of all things South Tyneside is second to none – or so he claims.

He’s spent all his life in South Tyneside, taking pictures, exploring every hidden street and travelling to and from B & Q on Secretan Way, off Station Rd (opposite Tedco) were he spent the latter part of his working his life mixing paint.

You would expect his geographical knowledge to match his ego.

Earlier in the week he claimed to have found Mr Monkey’s secret lair, apparently the chimp has been hiding out at STCentral TV’s studios on River Drive. He also reckons that the owners of the company would have received a “knock or two from their Independent Councillor over the past two year’s”.

'Twat of The Week'

'Twat of The Week'

Having considered both candidates submissions carefully Mr Monkey has decided to award this week’s Twat of The Week Award to The Fat Mackem Hobbit and this is why:

  • STCentral TV is not based on River Drive but at  Tedco Business Works, Henry Robson Way, off Station Rd (opposite B & Q), you’ve passed it for years you fuckwit and there’s only been an Independent councillor in this area for 9 months and not 2 years.

As for Papa John Szyamanski, he can bet his last sausage roll on the fact that he’ll pick up the award sometime soon.

01
Jan
09

REVIEW OF 2008: Maggot, Waggott and Faggot

Many readers will remember the A and B teams of the local Labour party. 

There was the Jarrow lot led by Stephen Hepburn and Paul Waggot and then there was the Shields gang led by the old guard but behind the scenes there was the scheming and conniving Malcolm’s led by the fairy God-mother of all crooks, councillor Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy.

This post concerns some of the names given to the opposition his Labour colleagues by councillor Iain Malcolm, apparently he had a derogatory name for just about everyone including his own mother and brother.

Maggot, Waggott and Faggot ..

Apparently the current Monkey Puzzle has been the talk of the members lounge with councillors desperate to learn the real identities of Councillors Maggot, Waggott and Faggot. Well Mr Monkey can reveal all.

Maggot– this title was given to Councillor Linda Waggott as she has a liking for other peoples flesh.

Waggott – everyone must have got this one! If you haven’t where the hell have you been?

Faggot– most of you thought this was Councillor Iain Malcolm, unfortunately you’re way off the the mark. This honorary title goes to former Labour Councillor and now Member of Parliament for Jarrow, Stephen Hepburn.

What most of you won’t realise is that the phrase Maggot, Waggott and Faggot was coined by the current Leader of the Council, Iain Malcolm shortly after his lover’s tiff with Stephen Hepburn and his fallout with the Waggotts.

06
Nov
08

Pressure Grows On Malcolm

Council leader Iain Malcolm’s role in the murky financial dealings at Newcastle Airport is coming under increased scrutiny.

Peter Atkinson, the Conservative MP for Hexham is now calling on the Government and the Audit Commission to probe the out of court settlement, CLICK HERE. Mr Atkinson is the second MP to demand answers.

So far David Miliband, MP for South Shields and Stephen Hepburn, MP for Jarrow have remained tight lipped about the controversial deal which resulted in two former employees recieveing a massive £8.5 million pay day. The deal which was approved by Iain Malcolm and South Tyneside Council has since been renegotiated in an out of court settlement, but both South Tyneside Council and Iain Malcolm have steadfastly refused to comment using commercial sensitivity and confidentiality as the basis for the silence.

The calls for an independent investigation continue to grow and Mr Monkey predicts that one of the first tasks for the new Conservative Government will be to order an enquiry in to this murky affair, especially if a certain David Miliband becomes the Labour leader.

Could this be the beginning of the end for councillor Iain Malcolm? Lets hope so, the borough would be a much better place without him!

19
Sep
08

Maggot, Waggott and Faggot

Apparently the current Monkey Puzzle has been the talk of the members lounge with councillors desperate to learn the real identities of Councillors Maggot, Waggott and Faggot. Well Mr Monkey can reveal all.

Maggot – this title was given to Councillor Linda Waggott as she has a liking for other peoples flesh.

Waggott – everyone must have got this one! If you haven’t where the hell have you been?

Faggot – most of you thought this was Councillor Iain Malcolm, unfortunately you’re way off the the mark. This honorary title goes to former Labour Councillor and now Member of Parliament for Jarrow, Stephen Hepburn.

What most of you won’t realise is that the phrase Maggot, Waggott and Faggot was coined by the current Leader of the Council, Iain Malcolm shortly after his lover’s tiff with Stephen Hepburn and his fallout with the Waggotts.

18
Aug
08

EXCLUSIVE: Man Assaulted in Jarrow

EXCLUSIVE: A 25 year old man was assaulted on Friday evening outside a Jarrow pub.

The incident took place around 10.30pm outside the Golden Lion public house in Walter Street, Jarrow after the man became involved in an altercation.

The victim is aged 25 years old, is 6’5″, of heavy build, black hair and also has facial hair.

He is currently detained in the Intensive Care Unit at South Tyneside District Hospital where he is receiving treatment for head injuries. His condition is said to be serious but not life threatening.

Anyone that may have witnessed the assault or has any information is asked to contact police on 03456 043043.

Posted 8.05am on18/8/08

17
Aug
08

EXCLUSIVE: Second Betting Shop Robbed

EXCLUSIVE: Police are appealing for witnesses after a robbery at Coral’s Bookmakers in Grange Road, Jarrow at around 8.55pm last night.

A man and a woman, aged 16 to 19 years, and between 5’5″ to 5’9″ tall were seen in the vicinity shortly before the robbery. The male entered the bookmakers armed with a claw hammer, jumped over the counter and threatened staff before making off with a quantity of cash in the direction of the Jarrow Crusader public house.

The two female staff on duty at the time were not injured in the robbery but are said to have been shaken by their experience.

At the time of the robbery the male had his hood pulled up and was wearing a scarf around his mouth. He was also wearing a dark coloured sports jacket, dark Adidas track suit bottoms with three stripes, dark socks which were being worn over the tracksuit bottoms and white plimsole type shoes.

The female was wearing a beige or light coloured jacket, denim boot cut jeans and had a bag with a strap which was being worn slung over her shoulder towards the opposite side of her waist.

Detectives investigating the robbery would like to here from anyone who was in the vicinity around 8.30pm. Nearby Santini Pizza and the Ben Lomond public house were particularly busy at this time.

Detectives are also keen to hear from anyone with information about any transport that pair may have used such as a bus or a taxi.

Anyone with information is asked to call the Police immediatley on 03456 043043.

This is the second robbery at a South Tyneside bookmakers in less than a week. On Tuesday, Pagebet on Dean Road was also robbed by a male aged around 18 and armed with a hammer. Click here for details.

11
Aug
08

Waggott Set To Make A Dramatic Return

A source very close to former Leader of the Council, Paul Waggott, has confirmed that he intends to make a swift return to the council.

Apparently Paul had high hopes of ‘slotting’ into Eddie MacAtominey’s Hebburn South seat which many feel will become vacant if Eddie is convicted of failing to provide a sample to the police after he was caught pissed out of his skull.

Seems that Mr Waggott had’nt bargained for Eddie’s balls being quite as big nor did he think Eddie would do virtually anything to hold on to his seat including claiming he is ill which Mr Monkey reckons will be the basis of his defence!

As things haven’t gone the way Mr Waggott would have wanted in Hebburn, he has now set his sights on former colleague Emma Lewell’s seat in Primrose.

Emma is seen as the weakest link in the Jarrow constituency and Waggott and his supporters feel they can get rid of her very easily, especially as she has an abysmal attendance record.

Mr Monkey has learned that Waggott and his supporters have effectively done the deal and are now waiting for Councillor Jim Perry to rubber stamp it before they make their move.

Mr Monkey wonders whether Emma will make it to the next elections in 2010 or will she be ousted to make room for Waggott before Iain Malcolm gets too firm a grip on the reins of power!




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