Archive for the 'Jimmy Sewell' Category


Arse Abuse

"Cum on Jimmy give it me harder"

"Cum on Jimmy give it me harder"

Mr Monkey decided to take a peek at the browsing history of the computer in the members lounge and was surprised to see this picture.

It seems that the Whitelees Sex Machine, councillor Ernest Gibson has been spending a bit of time browsing dating sites in a desperate attempt to find  a shag. Apparently he’s been attaching this picture of him posing in a swimming pool whilst on holiday in Majorca to some of his outgoing messages.

Looking at the message on his trunks, Mr Monkey wonders what his holiday companion, councillor Sewell was doing to the poor bastard when he was pissed – who knows – spanking Shrek’s arse might just have given Jimmy a hard on.

Be careful lads, now your secret’s out your boss might cum calling, apparently he’s paritial to a bit of arse abuse!


Comments Galore

A regular blogger wanted to tip Mr Monkey off about an incident involving disgraced Conservative Parliamentary candidate and local councillor Pudgy Face Potts. Mr Monkey activated the moderation option for 24 hours to allow the person to forward comments in private.

Mr Monkey can reveal that several other bloggers took advantage of the moderation to forward their comments about certain people and it makes interesting reading.

Beware councillors Malcolm, Malcolm, Potts, Boyack, Gibson, Kerr, Leask, Dix, Meeks, Khan, Hanson, Elsom, Waggott and Sewell, Mr Monkey will promises to reveal all.

Moderation has now been removed so any comments bloggers post are immediately visible.


The Brady Crunch!

Labour councillor Bill Brady, the ageing buffoon who represents Whitelees has had a week from hell.

Sources close to ‘Bumbling Bill’ are worried about his erratic behaviour and fear for his safety following two car accidents in a week. 

His first adventure involved crashing into an ambulance. If that wasn’t enough excitement he decided to cross swords with a bin wagon later in the week.

Thankfully no one was hurt in either crash but Mr Monkey wonders what it’s done to Bill’s confidence when he’s behind the wheel.

Mr Monkey reckons it’s about time he underwent a medical examination before being allowed back on the road before he causes a serious accident resulting in injury or even death.

Based on Bumbling Bill’s recent adventures his licence should be confiscated now.

Perhaps some one should remind Bill that at his age he should be playing bingo, doing jigsaws, eating scones, trying to keep his teeth in, telling stories about the good all days, controling his bladder and covering up the smell of his own piss.

What the hell was the Leader of the Council, Iain Malcolm’s thinking of when he decided to give Bumbling Bill the Equality and Diversity portfollio in his so called new look dynamic cabinet? Unless of course he needed to include a blithering old fart to enusre political correctness!

Nostalgia, poor judgement or plain old blackmail? Does Bumbling Bill have something on the Malcolms?

Councillor Brady and some of the Malcolms spent many years in the coal industry and Mr Monkey recalls several financial scandals involving the Malcolm’s, including missing welfare funds. Mr Monkey can’t help wondering how much Bumbling Bill really knows.

Whatever the real reason, Mr Monkey has been told that Iain Malcolm intends to rid his cabinet of it’s ‘liabilities’ in the run up to the 2010 local elections and it seems that councillors Brady, McAtominey and Sewell are at the top of his hit-list.


Monkey Mischief 6

"Come on Jimmy, hurry your arse up we're going to miss them!"

"Hurry up Jimmy before Tory Boy beats us to it"

Since Councillor Jimmy Sewell was kicked out by Mrs Sewell for cheating on her, he’s been spending a lot of time with his mate Shrek Councillor Ernest Gibson.

These ‘bachelors about town’ are often seen frequenting the town’s seedier venues where they hope to pick up a slapper or two for the cost of a pint. But even these loose women have standards and more often than not they have to settle for a wank blasting out a song on the karaoke.

Never mind lads there’s always Brenda the blow up doll, apparently she’s even got a spare hole for your mate Arthur Meeks!


Monkey Mischief

Today’s Monkey Mischief victim is Councillor Ernest Gibson who is renowned for his love of the finer takeaways, beer, karaoke, fellow Councillor Jimmy Sewell, Majorca and getting something for nothing!

The only thing that’s been missing in his life is a decent woman, but Mr Monkey can now reveal that even this has changed recently.

Apparently Councillor Gibson is spending more time at home since his mates on the council chipped in and treated him to an extra special takeaway. This might help explain  why he has been walking round with a smile on his face of late.

“If only my mate Potts could see me now” "If only my mate Potts could see me now"

Whilst Mr Monkey is very happy for Councillor Gibson, he would suggest that Ernest keeps a puncture repair kit handy. It would be a shame to find yourself deflated having taken so long to rise to the occasion!