Archive for the 'Male Prostitute' Category

14
Jun
09

twat of the week

'True blue .. the only gay in the village'

True blue: is coun Potts the only gay in the village?

There is only one contender for the  Twat of the Week award and that’s the King of Sleaze, Tory Boy councillor David Potts.

This chimp can reveal that Pudgy Face turned up to last Sunday’s count at Temple Park leisure centre – where the votes for the European election were being counted – dressed like a faggot straight from the set of Little Britain’s ‘I’m the only gay in the village’.

Mr Monkey can confirm that councillor Potts was pissed as usual when he arrived and was stinking of alcohol, slurring his words and appeared to find it difficult to walk in a straight line, but even this was over shadowed by his outrageous sense of dress.

The King of Sleaze was dressed in a fitted purple tee shirt, tight grey trousers and zebra print shoes. He was probably also wearing a pink leather thong – with a built in dildo – but thankfully he managed to keep his trousers on.

Many people suspect councillor Potts swings both ways and after Sunday’s appearance at Temple Park, Mr Monkey reckons that the sleazy Tory councillor who represents Cleadon and East Boldon is as bent as his mentor, council leader Iain Malcolm.

Mr Monkey wonders if this explains councillor Malcolm’s ‘friendship’ with the Tory group leader – surely he doesn’t fancy him does he?

22
May
09

Labour councillors paid almost half a million pounds

Its Labour’s turn to face Mr Monkey’s how much do they cost the taxpayer test.

When bloggers look at the figures it’s easy to see why so many Labour stalwarts have been around for so long. No wonder they squeal like pigs on the way to the slaughter house when they face the prospect of being dragged away from the trough.

Mr Monkey also reckons that this is why their lives are decimated when the electorate kick them out and why so many of them try and grab someone else’s seat on the council. This is the only way they can get their snouts back in the trough – there’s never been any honour amongst thieves especially when it comes to money.

Here are some of the highlights from The Labour Greed List,

• Coun Iain Malcolm made the highest claim at £32,435 (£623.75 a week)

• Coun Alan Kerr claimed at £23,319 (£448.44 a week)

• Coun Ernest Gibson claimed a record £4,932.27 for travel and subsistence

• Coun Rob Dix treated himself to a new BMW when he was elected. This delivery driver receives an annual boost to his salary from the taxpayer of around £14,000.

• After replacing Paul Waggott as leader of the council, Coun Malcolm promptly put the boot in by not giving Coun Linda Waggott a place at his trough. She was the only Labour councillor not to receive a special responsibility allowance.

Mr Monkey was staggered to learn that almost half a million pounds of taxpayers money was paid to just 31 Labour councillors and for what? Most of them can’t string a sentence together and couldn’t care less about the people they represent, that is until it’s time for their re-election.

The cost of each Labour councillor to the taxpayer in 2008 – 09 was a staggering £15,029.83.

Name

Allowance

Travel

Subsistence

Total

Weekly Cost

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anglin, J

11,760

-

-

11,760

226.15

Bell, J

16,464

-

-

16,464

316.61

Boyack, P

13,833

691.25

152.33

14,676

282.23

Brady, W  E

16,464

-

-

16,464

316.61

Clare, M H

16,464

-

-

16,464

316.61

Dix, R

14,112

-

-

14,112

271.38

Dixon, T

15,352

1,566.80

315.62

17,234

331.43

Donaldson, A

8,168

-

129.63

8,297

159.55

Foreman, J

16,464

800.15

214.01

17,478

336.11

Gibson, E

16,186

3,431.90

1,500.37

21,118

406.12

Hanson, T

16,464

-

-

16,464

316.61

Kerr, A

22,408

733.47

177.63

23,319

448.44

Leask, E

14,112

-

-

14,112

271.38

Lewell, E L

11,760

-

-

11,760

226.15

Malcolm, E

16,464

1,253.10

605.91

18,323

352.36

Malcolm, I

31,817

239.00

379.82

32,435

623.75

Maxwell, N E

16,464

228.50

72.94

16,765

322.40

McAtominey, E

12,962

638.40

53.12

13,653

262.56

McCabe, J G

14,112

-

-

14,112

271.38

McMillan, A

11,481

-

-

11,481

220.78

Meeks, J

14,112

334.60

160.61

14,607

280.90

Perry, J

16,464

-

-

16,464

316.61

Piggot, T

11,760

-

-

11,760

226.15

Punchion, O

11,760

102.40

-

11,862

228.11

Scorer, B

14,112

211.20

111.75

14,434

277.57

Sewell, J

16,464

658.75

734.78

17,857

343.40

Spraggon, S

11,203

151.20

-

11,354

218.34

Stewart, A M

13,833

114.90

88.47

14,036

269.92

Strike, A

11,760

56.00

-

11,816

227.23

Waggott, L I

7,056

-

-

7,056

135.69

Walsh, A

8,486

372.00

15.42

8,873

170.63

 

 

 

 

 

 

TOTALS:

450,321*

10,892.37

4,712.41

465,925*

8,973.16

*These figures do not include pence

05
Mar
09

Potts Bats For Both Sides .. And Not Just Politically

'Love is in the air'

'Love is in the air'

For months the King of Sleaze, councillor David Potts has been obsessed with unmasking the chimp behind Mr Monkey’s Blog.

Poor old Pudgy Face - little did he know that he came within a whisker of revealing the person behind the monkey on Tuesday night when he and his male ‘friend’ enjoyed an intimate meal at  Brunnelos No 5 restaurant, above the Wheatsheaf pub in Boldon.

Mr Monkey nearly choked on his starter when The King of Sleaze and his male companion entered the restaurant. They had a couple of pre-dinner drinks before siting down for their meal. They left about an hour later but Mr Monkey couldn’t see whether they were holding hands or not.

It seems councillor Potts has alot more in common with council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy than this chimp first thought – they’re both fond of faggots.

04
Mar
09

EXclusive: Gollum and Aunt Sally’s ‘love’ hideawy revealed

'Councillors Ed Malcolm and Olive Punchion's weekend love nest'

'Councillors Ed Malcolm and Olive Punchion's weekend love nest'

The Gollum of South Tyneside politics, councillor Ed Malcolm has had a tough few weeks preparing for his big day, presenting the council’s budget.

A source close to Gollum has told Mr Monkey that as budget day approached his nerves were in tatters and he resorted to medication to calm himself down, but whatever he took didn’t stop him making a twat of himself and fluffing his lines.

Apparently on one occasion Aunt Sally, aka Olive Punchion – who spent years cheating on her husband to get in to Gollum’s nappy pants - came to his rescue by bringing him a glass of water. That made things worse as he lost his concentration and started stuttering his lines.

Mr Monkey has learned that Gollum and his scarecrow, Aunt Sally decided that after a difficult few weeks it was time to get away from it all and recharge their batteries in a plush and intimate location.

This chimp can exclusively reveal that the ‘odd couple’ spent  last weekend at one of their favourite hideaways – The Royal County hotel in Durham.

A quick look at the Marriott Hotel website confirms that Gollum, aka councillor Ed Malcolm and Aunt Sally, aka councillor Olive Punchion enjoy living it up in these difficult economic times, apparently rooms start at around £130 a night.

Mr Monkey wonders what the hard pressed people of Biddick Hall and Simonside and Rekendyke will make of this?

15
Feb
09

Monkey Clip

This week’s Monkey Clip is dedicated to all those South Tyneside councillors who love nothing better than a tart with their pint – and the rougher the better.

01
Feb
09

Tyne Twat – The Tale of A Whore

'For Sale - all offers accepted'

'For Sale - all offers accepted'

Ugly Betty started her working life as a pickpocket but quickly turned to prostitution when she realised it was easier to steal a man’s money when his trousers were off than when they were on. Sex was her way of getting closer to a man to pilfer his money, simply a means to an end. She tried her luck at the clubs but was always chucked out for stealing. So she focused on the river, where she had greater access to the seamen and thier goodies.

Once she got into their cabins, she could wreak havoc, stealing whatever she could get her hands on. From their rooms, she would take cigarettes, cash, shoes, watches, clothing – anything she could give away or sell. From the galley, she pilfered meat, cheese, bread, packets of noodles, fruit and alcohol. She preferred the short-stay ships because she could do her business and get away before anyone knew what was taken. By the time they realised they’d been robbed, they would already be out at sea. 

Ugly Betty admitted that, with her attitude, she wasn’t much of a lover. She didn’t give a damn about her clients’ sexual satisfaction; she didn’t even pretend to be interested. Sometimes she’d yawn, look at her watch or even try to take a nap while the man was busy trying to bang her. As he was about to shoot his load, she was only thinking about how she was going to reach down to his pants on the floor and empty his wallet. 

Ugly Betty always took full advantage of opportunities to steal when she was on the ships, but there were lots of other pleasures to enjoy too. Ultimately she didn’t go aboard to steal but to make money through sex and have a party with the sailors. She didn’t want to just get on and off; she wanted to hang out with the men and make herself at home. 

Arthur, a 68 year-old riverside veteran who was always willing to talk in depth to me, said that Ugly Betty used to move from ship to ship for days at a time, sometimes without even bothering to return home. She would live on the boats, party with the seamen at the clubs, then return with them to their cabins where they would sleep together. Usually she tried to pair up with one of the officers who could afford to keep her for days at a time. Sometimes she would even participate in the domestic upkeep of the ship to give the impression she cared, when all the time she was looking for yet more opportunities to rob its crew. 

Such long-term interactions inevitably led to closer relationships and on more than one occasion she fell in love with her client. Once she grew attached to an old Greek captain. He seemed to have felt something for her too, more akin to empathy than lust, and she responded to his selfless concern with total devotion. He promised to send for her to start a new life on a Greek Island but quickly changed his mind when his dick started to swell and he felt a burning sensation every time he went for a piss. 

… more to follow.

31
Jan
09

Good time girl

Mr Monkey has been working on a book about the seedier side of the town’s maritime heritage.

As the book is almost finished and the Ark Royal is in town, Mr Monkey thought now is as good a time as any to share some of his work with you.

Whore of The Tyne explores the hidden world of dockside prostitution in South Shields and focuses on local woman, Ugly Betty, who in the 1960s and 70s frequented the Mill Dam area of the town and was notorious for selling companionship and sex to foreign sailors.

The book shows how the dockside sex trade differs from other sectors of the sex insustry and examines the main character’s solicitation strategies. It also explores the cultural dimensions of dockside relations and reveals a mundane reality far removed from mainstream society.

Beside Ugly Betty, the book also explores the role of club owners, taxi drivers, bouncers, barmaids and some of the more shadier characters who inhabit Ugly Betty’s world. 

By delving deep in to the past and talking to some of the people involved, Mr Monkey allows readers to enter the dockside underworld and engage with the shadowy hustlers of this hidden realm.

Through the eyes of Ugly Betty, readers will be able to look at different elements of “the game,” as she relives her life as a dockside prostitute in the fantasy world she created for sailors from around the world.

Her story ends with her integration back into society and her gradual acceptance by the establishment who were instrumental in burying her seedy past - until now.

22
Dec
08

Former Conservative Parliamentary Candidate Father’s A Bastard

'If only she'd learned her highway code'

'If only she'd learned her highway code'

Seems The King of Sleaze, Tory Boy David Potts who loves nothing more than putting his dick about may have scored an own goal of mega proportions.

For several days the talk in the members room has been about Pudgy Face Potts and how he’s managed to get his long suffering girlfriend pregnant – the free condoms had holes in them!

Seems this drunken former Conservative Parliamentary candidate and failed local politician who has a reputation for hard drinking and fucking anything with a hole may have fathered a bastard. Apparently he’s been telling anyone that would listen he’s got no intention of doing the decent thing and marrying the poor lass – he claims he’s too young and is not ready to settle down yet.

Mr Monkey reckons this latest example of Conservative family values as demonstrated by it’s group leader will put paid to any outside chance councillor Potts had of ever making a career out of politics.

Perhaps it’s time the lazy bastard found himself a real job .. something like a male prostitute. That way he get to do the things he really wants like fuck, be fucked whilst earning a few quid. But isn’t that what he’s doing already since he sold out his party to Labour council leader Iain Malcolm for thirty pieces of silver?




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