Archive for the 'Manipulater' Category

07
May
09

pigs set to gather at Iain Malcolm’s trough on saturday

After a hectic few days Mr Monkey is back in the swing of things.

Next Tuesday the people of South Tyneside will know the names of all the councillors that have either been bought off with paid positions and whose silence and obedience has been guaranteed for another year. 

Last year the then newly crowned council leader, Iain Malcolm broke with tradition and made a few more enemies within his own ranks by giving paid positions to a handful of opposition councillors all of whom gladly took anything that was on offer as long as it was paid.

Councillor Iain Malcolm’s motives were two fold – to prevent the opposition from uniting and to exert his dominance over the Jarrow Labour party by rubbing their faces in it- apparently he’s always promised his inner circle that when he grabs power he would put an end to the Jarrow Labour party and shut Jarrow town hall.

Mr Monkey reckons Saturday’s Labour group meeting will be a lively affair as many loyal party members are angry that they have either not been offered a paid position or that they have not been given what they want. This chimp has heard that resentment is growing and that if councillor Malcolm gives any paid positions to opposition councillors this will be seen as a slap in the face by some and will re-open many of the old wounds.

Followers of the local political scene will have noticed that Iain Malcolm’s leadership style has revived the old A and B team split between Jarrow and South Shields and that the infighting began within days of him taking the leadership last May.

The most recent example of this split is the sudden and dramatic departure of senior councillor and cabinet member Tom Hanson who resigned from his lucarative position in the cabinet less than 2 weeks before the new cabinet was announced. CLICK HERE.

'Saturday's gathering of the pigs round Iain Malcolm's trough promises to be a lively affair'

'Saturday's gathering of the pigs round Iain Malcolm's trough promises to be a lively affair'

It seems that once the news leaked out, councillor Malcolm was furious and has ordered an investigation into how this sensitive information got into the public domain. He’s also tried to silence councillor Hanson by threatening to remove him from the Integrated Transport Authority which is a well paid postion and gives him free travel.

Councillor Hanson now refuses to comment on the matter publicly but privately he’s telling everyone that he’s been treated very badly and has been “shit on”. He’s also telling peopel that if councillor Malcolm insists on trying to break up the Jarrow Labour party he will reveal what he knows about councillor Malcolm, his leadership style and what the real agenda in the town hall is.

Mr Monkey can’t wait for Saturday and is looking forward to witnessing Iain Malcolm’s pigletts fighting over who gets what from his trough and it will be interesting to see how many people levae the meeting with a bloody nose.

26
Mar
09

exclusive: an investigation into election fraud and ballot rigging in South Tyneside

'Council leader Iain Malcolm and the South Shields Labour party are under investigation for election fraud'

'Council leader Iain Malcolm and the South Shields Labour party are under investigation for election fraud'

About 2 months ago Mr Monkey received some disturbing information about a culture of election fraud within the local Labour party.  

At first Mr Monkey thought that the allegations were being made by a disgruntled political opponent of the ruling Labour group but decided to take investigate the them further, especially as they concerned the leader of the council Iain Malcolm who several months earlier had been implicated in the scandal surrounding a payout of around £8 million pounds to two former employees of Newcastle Airport when he was the chair of the remuneration committee. 

Mr Monkey’s investigation has taken over month to complete. He has interviewed many witnesses including some of those either knowingly involved or unwittingly conned in to doing someone else’s dirty work. Mr Monkey’s investigation left no stone unturned and took him to Newcastle, London, Hull and he spoke to people in Brussels, Strasbourg and Spain.  

Within days of investigating the allegations Mr Monkey realised that they were coming from a source that witnessed the events and that the motivation for exposing the culture of election fraud within the local Labour Party had nothing to with politics but everything to do with a exposing the truth about the shocking way Labour has lied, cheated and fraudulently held on to power in South Tyneside. 

For years Mr Monkey has heard rumours about election fraud, ballot rigging, fraudulent selection meetings and the manipulation of party membership lists by a group of individuals desperate to hang on to power at all costs. 

 

Mr Monkey can now reveal that the culture of election fraud is much wider than he first thought and was orchestrated at the very top by council leader Iain Malcolm but it didn’t stop there.  

 

Others implicated include; Ed Malcolm, Michael Clare, Rob Dix, Ann Walsh, John Anglin, John Wood, Ed McAtominey, Nancy Maxwell, Mark Walsh and Neil Maxwell – and Mr Monkey suspects that this is just the tip of the iceberg. 

 

The findings of Mr Monkey’s investigation are too long to be included in a single post so he will be posting on this subject over the next week or so – make sure you don’t miss out by visiting Mr Monkey’s Blog frequently.  

 

Part one of Mr Monkey’s investigation will be posted here later this morning.

17
Mar
09

another photo opportunity for Miss Piggy

Seems council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy is using the publicly funded council press propaganda office to further his political ambitions by staging another photo opportunity with children. CLICK HERE.

 Anyone who knows Miss Piggy will confirm that there’s more chance of the pope fathering a child than there is of Miss Piggy shagging a woman. They’ll also tell you how uncomfortable he is when he’s around children – but hey, he’s able to conquer his fear of children if it means he’ll get some media exposure.

A while back a leading charity accused politicians of “cynically misusing” children in their campaigns. The NSPCC said they were “appalled to see children being used as props or being pointedly vilified in an attempt to win votes” and cited the use of children in pre-arranged photo opportunities.

 

Mr Monkey reckons politicians should be campaigning for children rather than using them for electioneering purposes. Children are citizens who deserve action – in the areas of health, tax, the economy, law and order and transport, as well as education and social policy.

 

Might it be even more cynical of this chimp to suggest that politicians “cynically misuse” anyone and everyone if it suits them? 

21
Jan
09

It’s Not Too Late Ed..ith

Thwarted ... Ed Malcolm.

Councillor Ed..ith Malcolm

Seems councillor Ed..ith Malcolm is down in the dumps today after learning that her his bid to become an MP has been thwarted by Mr Monkey.

Apparently Labour North decided that the only way to stop Ed..ith grabbing the seat was to impose an all women’s shortlist on Fraser Kemps Houghton and Washington East constituency.

Mr Monkey reckons Labour North will still need to keep an eye on Ed..ith though - don’t be surprised if she he suddenly has a sex change.

Lets face it, the dirty bastard already acts like an old woman so having his bollocks removed won’t make much difference.

14
Jan
09

Look Out For Mr Monkey In Houghton and Washigton East

Mr Monkey reckons that since he sent out his Christmas card to a select band of individuals his blog has seen a rise in visitor numbers.

This chimp thought he would test his theory further by sending out some promotional material to all the pubs, clubs, shops, hairdressers, taxi offices, takeaways and community centres in the Houghton and Washington East Parliamentary constituency.

Mr Monkey reckons that the people in these former mining communities don’t realise what a scheming, devious and manipulative twat Ed Malcolm is - he thought he’d point them in the right direction and what better place to start than Mr Monkey’s Blog.

This chimp has already put an end to the King of Sleaze, David Potts political ambitions and he’s now got ‘Big’ Ed Malcolm in his radar.

01
Jan
09

REVIEW OF 2008: Maggot, Waggott and Faggot

Many readers will remember the A and B teams of the local Labour party. 

There was the Jarrow lot led by Stephen Hepburn and Paul Waggot and then there was the Shields gang led by the old guard but behind the scenes there was the scheming and conniving Malcolm’s led by the fairy God-mother of all crooks, councillor Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy.

This post concerns some of the names given to the opposition his Labour colleagues by councillor Iain Malcolm, apparently he had a derogatory name for just about everyone including his own mother and brother.

Maggot, Waggott and Faggot ..

Apparently the current Monkey Puzzle has been the talk of the members lounge with councillors desperate to learn the real identities of Councillors Maggot, Waggott and Faggot. Well Mr Monkey can reveal all.

Maggot- this title was given to Councillor Linda Waggott as she has a liking for other peoples flesh.

Waggott – everyone must have got this one! If you haven’t where the hell have you been?

Faggot- most of you thought this was Councillor Iain Malcolm, unfortunately you’re way off the the mark. This honorary title goes to former Labour Councillor and now Member of Parliament for Jarrow, Stephen Hepburn.

What most of you won’t realise is that the phrase Maggot, Waggott and Faggot was coined by the current Leader of the Council, Iain Malcolm shortly after his lover’s tiff with Stephen Hepburn and his fallout with the Waggotts.

28
Dec
08

REVIEW OF 2008: I Told You So!

Vodka Lil will do anything to get back in Iain's good books .. even hand over her favourite vodka bottle.

Vodka Lil will do anything to get back in Iain's good books .. even hand over her favourite vodka bottle.

Following The Monkey’s exclusive revelations that Vodka Lil Coun Eileen Leask was top of Iain Malcolm’s hit list, it seems mass panic has set in amongst the Labour rank and file resulting in Iain Malcolm trying to appease Vodka Lil Coun Eileen Leask that there was no truth in the The Monkey’s revelations.

In a follow up post, The Monkey said,

“Coun Malcolm is already drawing up plans for a public show of unity, so watch out for several stories complete with photographs of Couns Leask and Malcolm in the Gazette over the next few weeks. The Monkey reckons Malcolm’s latest play thing, John Szymanski, will get the call very soon!”

Low and behold within hours The Monkey opens up the pages of the Gazete and there they both are!

The Monkey wonders what kind of double dealing hypocrite would tell his inner circle that he intends getting rid of Vodka Lil Coun Eileen Leask one minute to then suddenly pretend everything is fine and dandy the next?

It seems as though Iain Malcolm was well and truly caught with his pants down yet again. 

The Monkey is not surprised by this sudden change of heart especially as it comes from someone who has spent most of his life hiding in the closet!

05
Dec
08

The Top Club’s Queen of Sleaze

Who said he's gay?

Who said Iain's gay?

Mr Monkey promised to tell you the tale about Andrea from The Top Club, one of Iain Malcolm’s former associates, so here it is.

Ed Malcolm, aka Frank Sidebottom, was overheard at the Labour Conference this year saying how shocked he was that Mr Monkey alleged that his brother Miss Piggy is gay. “Him! Gay!” he was heard shouting next to the Northumbrian Water stand – “How can they say he’s gay?”

Well this stupid granny shagger must be blind as well as daft – it might explain why he keeps poking old Olive Punchion.

Although Ed might have a fair point, after all brother Iain goes to great lengths to prove just how butch he is.

Back in the old days, Iain, The Queen of Sleaze, would slow right down in his old red Rover, wind down his window and shout ‘phwoarrrr’ any lass under the age of 50.

Sometimes, after all of his council meetings had finished, he’d head over to the Top Club where he’d prop up the bar making lewd gags to this poor lass called Andrea who worked behind the bar. He’s grab any opportunity he got to try and prove he was straight, he’d make bawdy jokes to Andrea about how he’d love to take her home and bang her till she couldn’t walk. That was until she called his bluff and said ‘OK take me home then, Iain’, the poor bastard ran a mile.

He might have been horny, but it’ll have been the bouncer he was interested in, not Andrea. To make matters worse it turned out that Andrea was related to Paul Waggott - the man he helped oust from Fellgate!

Mr Monkey has looked at part of Iain’s personal life (the attempt to arrange a marriage will be kept under wraps for now). Next up will be his political life, in particularly his love of leaks and all things postal.

Mr Monkey will reveal exactly how Paul Waggott’s infamous ‘lunatics’ e.mail reached the Shields Gazette back in January. Stay tuned to find out who leaked it, authorised it, printed it and posted it, and exactly who to.

He’ll be spitting FEATHERS when Mr Monkey delves deeper into his postbox fun .. did someone say FEATHERS?

06
Nov
08

Is Potts A Habitual Liar?

Mr Monkey wonders whether The King of Sleaze, Tory Boy David Potts is a habitual liar? CLICK HERE.

Bloggers will remember his pathetic attempts at trying to justify why he was sacked on the verge of being deselected as the Conservative Parliamentary candidate for Edinburgh South West.

His first reaction was he “knew nothing about it”. That quickly changed to “no comment” . He then claimed to have resigned, because of “health issues concerning his father, which challenged his ability to service the Constituency as much as he would have hoped” although this was the first time he’d spoken off it.

He later claimed to have “have strong commitments in Tyneside, which include those to the people of Cleadon and East Boldon”.

He failed to mention that this included trying to fuck anything he could get his hands on, getting pissed every night and attending every council bash he could as long as he didn’t have to pay for the food and beer.

If these pathetic excuses weren’t enough, he later claimed it was all the fault of the BNP. Apparently he was “deeply concerned about the rising popularity of the far-right British National Party within our region and it was incumbent upon all mainstream political leaders in Tyne and Wear to work together to combat this.” 

He’s so concerned about the BNPhe’s done virtually fuck all about tackling them. But then he’s not exactly lead the local Conservative party with distinction has he?

Cum on Mr Potts you don’t really expect anyone to believe you gave up that place you’ve always wanted on the Parliamentary gravy train do you? If you do you’re a liar.

Why not prove Mr Monkey wrong and get your solicitor to issue that statement you promised on September 11th. But make sure you use a real solicitor and not some arsehole you met in the pub .. that mean swearing it on oath.

28
Oct
08

Potts Joins The Labour Benches

The King of Sleaze, disgraced Tory councillor David Potts has pulled some stupid fucking stunts in his time but what Mr Monkey witnessed on Friday night at Waggott’s Freedom of the Borough bash has got to top the lot.

 

The first part of the ‘lets pay homage to our fallen comrade’ charade was held in the council chamber.

 

Around 110 people attended the formal presentation with Labour councillors, the King of Sleaze and of all people, Jim Capstick taking up seats in the chamber.

 

Given that the evening was only taking place because Tory Boy Potts – the Boldon Pussy Prowler, forced his two colleagues in to voting for the motion to reward Waggott, it was was fitting that The King of Sleaze swapped his usual place on the opposition benches for a seat on Labour’s front bench.

 

Yes the arsehole had the audacity to cross the floor and join his Labour lackies on their side of the chamber.

 

And out of all the people he decided to sit next, he parked his portly arse next to Shrek aka councillor Ernest Gibson. This is the man Pudgy Face vehemently hates because he exposed him as the most likely person behind the Brenda fiasco.

 

Mr Monkey still can’t get over what he witnessed on Friday but now he’s had time to think about it Mr Monkey reckons he was trying out the seat for size.

 

Cum May 2010 if Potts is re-elected he’ll have nowhere else to go, that assumes Malcolm has a use for him!




Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.