Archive for the 'Monkey Mischief' Category


South Shields Daily Pictures

Today’s South Shields Daily Picture Monkey Clip is dedicated to two of South Tyneside’s most self opinionated fuckwits – the King of Sleaze, aka conservative councillor David Potts and The Fat Mackem Hobbit, aka Graham Rigg.

It seems that these two have much more in common than Mr Monkey thought and this short clip shows what happens when the King of Sleaze demands total obedience from his subjects lackey.


But what does councillor Potts do when the council leader, Iain Malcolm summons him to his office?


Mr Monkey Is About To Piss All Over The Hobbit?

'Pissing on the Hobbit'

'Pissing on the Hobbit'

Seems the Fat Mackem Hobbit over at the Shire Corner Shop can piss a bit further than Mr Monkey when it comes to the number of blog hits.

For several weeks Mr Monkey has been challenging the Hobbit to produce his stats – something he used to do on a monthly basis, but around 6 months ago he suddenly stopped.

When Mr Monkey started his blog at the end of July hits and stats were the furthest thing from his mind, instead he concentrated on a causing a bit of monkey mischief.

Very quickly, Mr Monkey realised the potential of his site and it soon became the most talked about blog in South Tyneside.

Since it’s launch the hits have risen month on month and last month Mr Monkey’s Blog received 16,312 hits – not bad for a blog that only concentrates on local issues, does not link to other bigger blogs and has only been going for 4 months.

Now compare these to the stats of the Hobbit’s blog which Mr Monkey forced him to reveal. 

In recent weeks the Hobbit has gone on record saying Mr Monkey’s Blog attracts only ‘around half a dozen hits a day’.

He the changed his mind following a couple of posts from Mr Monkey and conceded that Mr Monkey’s Blog receives around 100 hits per day. Seems he was wrong again.

Apparently the Hobbit takes great satisfaction in the fact that he can piss a bit further than Mr Monkey – it shouldn’t be too difficult when he’s had years to practise his aim now should it?

It seems that after more than 4 years of blogging, running 6 different sites, using various chat-rooms and forums, publishing a daily picture online, receiving a bit of publicity from the Malcolm Fanzine and linking to every well known blog, the Hobbit can only manage a paltry 24,000 hits a month.

Mr Monkey congratulates the Hobbit on his lack of achievement and offers him his commiserations for failing to become a top blogger after more than 4 years of trying.

Enjoy your moment of glory Mr Hobbit because any day now not only will Mr Monkey be pissing further than you, he’ll be pissing all over you.


Hobbit Spits His Dummy Out

Seems the Fat Mackem Hobbit over at the Shire Curly’s Corner Shop has spat his dummy out because Mr Monkey removed the link to his boring blog.

He reckons that Mr Monkey removed the link in a fit of anger and this action bears a similarity to some other event in the blogsphere.

Sorry to disapoint you Mr Hobbit but nothing could be further from the truth.

The link was removed because it served no useful purpose. Originally it was provided to as a courtesy for Mr Monkey’s readers but it was apparent within weeks of Mr Monkey’s Blog going live that most of them couldn’t give a fuck give about the Hobbit’s insignificant little blog.

Mr Monkey thought readers might appreciate a link to something that wouldn’t sent them to sleep. But before removing the link to the Shire Corner Shop, Mr Monkey gave the Hobbit an opportunity to reciprocate the link. He choose not to, so Mr Monkey removed the link – hardly the actions of someone that was angry!

Mr Monkey has suspected for sometime that the Fat Mackem Hobbit is obsessed with figures and his latest comments proves this theory.

Perhaps the Hobbit’s obsession is psychological and is related to his childhood – the poor bastard never managed to exceed 5ft in height but his girth ballooned into something resembling a Teletubby.

He’s spent his entire life trying to grow taller than a daffodil and comfort eating in the hope he might achieve his goal. Then he discovered blogging and now spends every waking hour feeding his ego and pretending he’s a big player.

Come on Curly, big and Hobbit just don’t go together.

Talking of figures, when are you going to tell us how many readers you actually have? This time last year you couldn’t wait to tell the world how popular your blog was but suddenly your silence is deafening – or is it that your readers prefer a bit of Monkey business?


Iain Taps His Best Mate Up!

Mr Monkey has been exposing a lot of serious shit at South Tyneside Council over the past few weeks, but it’s always nice to tone it down now and then and have a bit of fun.

This ape recalls a funny story about Miss Piggy, aka Iain Malcolm, the leader of the council.

Way back when, Malcolm was in the Boys Brigade with another lad called Neil from East Moffett Street in South Shields. Now Neil was a real ladies man, shagging women in the toilets of Oz, taking home whoever he wanted, he had it all.

Unfortunately Miss Piggy didn’t and clung to him like a piece of shit to a new trainer. Sometimes Neil was nice enough to invite Miss Piggy along to Oz for a bit of a boogie. Sadly for Piggy, it always ended the same way: within a few minutes the ladies man would be off to tap off a hot bit of totty while Iain was left to his own devices.

Did he use his ‘charm’ and chubby cheeks to go and make some new friends? Did he fuck!

He walked round and round and round upstairs in Oz unable to look anyone in the eye and without the courage to talk to anyone, just like Papa John Szymanski at a Labour booze-up.

Thing is, Iain would still be getting invited to Glitterball to this day with Neil, nailing some older pussy (a bit like Ed still does) but their friendship came to a very abrupt end.

It seems that Iain couldn’t keep his gay feelings locked up forever and promptly tried to try it on with poor Neil, who was having none of it and shunned him forever.

Try looking anyone in the eye at tomorrow’s council meeting after THAT ONE Iain.

COMING SOON: Some raunchy tales from Andrea at the Top Club!



Over the past week Mr Monkey has been monitoring the stats on Mr Monkeys Blog and the results are pretty impressive!

Mr Monkey finds the whole thing fascinating especially the details on which posts are the most popular, the links you click on once you’re on the site and how you found the site in the first place.  

Mr Monkey finds some of the search terms you use to find Mr Monkeys Blog weird to say the least and thought he would share some of them with you! I wonder if Monkey Bloggers recognise any of the terms below?

the monkeyhouse – south Tyneside

mr monkey blog south shields

david potts

david potts tyneside sleaze


paul myles-kelly

monkey business south Tyneside

monkey south Tyneside

mr monkey man blog

monkey mischief

monkey blog south shields

monkey south Tyneside

the monkey-david potts south shields

u tube south shields


mr monkey david potts

news jarrow head injuries

cleadon twitcher

david potts councillor

jarrow man hospital

monkeys blog about south tyneside council

the monkey house blog south Tyneside

dancing monkey puzzle

jarrow assault

santini pizza Jarrow

plus valet in manibus avis unica quam du

“noddy rice” gazette

david potts conservative

mr monkey ryan burns death south shields

chey garland

cllr david potts

pagebet robbery

“david potts” deselected

curly monkey

monkey sex

tory boy

papa john

Iain Malcolm

Closet Malcolm

Miners welfare fund theft

Mr Monkey does wonder what goes through some of his readers minds!


Monkey Mischief 7

"I'm your's if the price is right"

"I'm your's if the price is right"

Mr Monkey would like to congratulate Councillor Terry Haram for finally coming clean after 5 years of pulling the wool over the electorate’s eyes.

After year’s of wandering round the Town Hall in a state of confusion and not knowing where to sit in the chamber he has at last found a political home with the borough’s other political prostitute, Councillor George Elsom.

According to a letter publised in the Malcolm Fanzine Shields Gazette click here Councillor Haram is now a Real Independent, after being Independent Alliance, Real Labour and Labour.

Fortunately for the people of South Tyneside this political pariah is rapidly running out of places to hide. I suppose he could however, try the local Tories, apparently they’re looking for people without any morals, integrity or principles!

If you’ve enjoyed this piece of Monkey Mischief click on the links below to see previous older Monkey Mischief posts.


Monkey Mischief 6

"Come on Jimmy, hurry your arse up we're going to miss them!"

"Hurry up Jimmy before Tory Boy beats us to it"

Since Councillor Jimmy Sewell was kicked out by Mrs Sewell for cheating on her, he’s been spending a lot of time with his mate Shrek Councillor Ernest Gibson.

These ‘bachelors about town’ are often seen frequenting the town’s seedier venues where they hope to pick up a slapper or two for the cost of a pint. But even these loose women have standards and more often than not they have to settle for a wank blasting out a song on the karaoke.

Never mind lads there’s always Brenda the blow up doll, apparently she’s even got a spare hole for your mate Arthur Meeks!