Archive for the 'Mr Ego' Category

22
May
09

Labour councillors paid almost half a million pounds

Its Labour’s turn to face Mr Monkey’s how much do they cost the taxpayer test.

When bloggers look at the figures it’s easy to see why so many Labour stalwarts have been around for so long. No wonder they squeal like pigs on the way to the slaughter house when they face the prospect of being dragged away from the trough.

Mr Monkey also reckons that this is why their lives are decimated when the electorate kick them out and why so many of them try and grab someone else’s seat on the council. This is the only way they can get their snouts back in the trough – there’s never been any honour amongst thieves especially when it comes to money.

Here are some of the highlights from The Labour Greed List,

• Coun Iain Malcolm made the highest claim at £32,435 (£623.75 a week)

• Coun Alan Kerr claimed at £23,319 (£448.44 a week)

• Coun Ernest Gibson claimed a record £4,932.27 for travel and subsistence

• Coun Rob Dix treated himself to a new BMW when he was elected. This delivery driver receives an annual boost to his salary from the taxpayer of around £14,000.

• After replacing Paul Waggott as leader of the council, Coun Malcolm promptly put the boot in by not giving Coun Linda Waggott a place at his trough. She was the only Labour councillor not to receive a special responsibility allowance.

Mr Monkey was staggered to learn that almost half a million pounds of taxpayers money was paid to just 31 Labour councillors and for what? Most of them can’t string a sentence together and couldn’t care less about the people they represent, that is until it’s time for their re-election.

The cost of each Labour councillor to the taxpayer in 2008 – 09 was a staggering £15,029.83.

Name

Allowance

Travel

Subsistence

Total

Weekly Cost

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anglin, J

11,760

11,760

226.15

Bell, J

16,464

16,464

316.61

Boyack, P

13,833

691.25

152.33

14,676

282.23

Brady, W  E

16,464

16,464

316.61

Clare, M H

16,464

16,464

316.61

Dix, R

14,112

14,112

271.38

Dixon, T

15,352

1,566.80

315.62

17,234

331.43

Donaldson, A

8,168

129.63

8,297

159.55

Foreman, J

16,464

800.15

214.01

17,478

336.11

Gibson, E

16,186

3,431.90

1,500.37

21,118

406.12

Hanson, T

16,464

16,464

316.61

Kerr, A

22,408

733.47

177.63

23,319

448.44

Leask, E

14,112

14,112

271.38

Lewell, E L

11,760

11,760

226.15

Malcolm, E

16,464

1,253.10

605.91

18,323

352.36

Malcolm, I

31,817

239.00

379.82

32,435

623.75

Maxwell, N E

16,464

228.50

72.94

16,765

322.40

McAtominey, E

12,962

638.40

53.12

13,653

262.56

McCabe, J G

14,112

14,112

271.38

McMillan, A

11,481

11,481

220.78

Meeks, J

14,112

334.60

160.61

14,607

280.90

Perry, J

16,464

16,464

316.61

Piggot, T

11,760

11,760

226.15

Punchion, O

11,760

102.40

11,862

228.11

Scorer, B

14,112

211.20

111.75

14,434

277.57

Sewell, J

16,464

658.75

734.78

17,857

343.40

Spraggon, S

11,203

151.20

11,354

218.34

Stewart, A M

13,833

114.90

88.47

14,036

269.92

Strike, A

11,760

56.00

11,816

227.23

Waggott, L I

7,056

7,056

135.69

Walsh, A

8,486

372.00

15.42

8,873

170.63

 

 

 

 

 

 

TOTALS:

450,321*

10,892.37

4,712.41

465,925*

8,973.16

*These figures do not include pence

17
May
09

iain malcolm dares you tell people about mr monkey!

Seems council leader Iain Malcolm’s obsession to silence Mr Monkey has taken a new twist.

Bloggers will already know that Miss Piggy, aka councillor Iain Malcolm ordered senior officers of the council to bar access to Mr Monkey’s Blog from all council computers in a desperate attempt to stop council employees and councillors from reading about his disgraceful antics and what really goes on behind the closed doors of his pen office. CLICK HERE.

If that wasn’t enough, he tried to ban access to Mr Monkey’s Blog on council owned Blackberrys that are used by senior officers and councillors. CLICK HERE.

And even his brother, councillor Ed Malcolm unsuccessfully complained to the police after he recived a Christmas card from a  naughty ape. CLICK HERE.

Mr Monkey has also learned that public money has been used to buy legal advice in an effort to silence this chimp – more on this will follow. CLICK HERE, and HERE 

A senior councillor has unwittingly told Mr Monkey that his ape antics are driving Miss Piggy mad and he’s frustrated that all his attempts to silence the chimp fail.

Apparently he’s now resorted to intimidation to silence anyone who dares mention Mr Monkeys Blog and has threatened to take disciplinary action against any council employee who dares mention Mr Monkey by name.

This chimp was now been told that councillor Iain Malcolm has stepped up his campaign of intimidation and is now using the council’s Standards Committee in a last ditch attempt to stop people referring to Mr Monkey’s Blog.

Apparently an opposition councillor has been reported to the Standards Committee for daring to refer to Mr Monkey’s Blog – the councillor has been charged with promoting a political blog that disrespects both councillors and council officers.

Mr Monkey reckons other local bloggers, newspapers (except the Shields Gazette who already do as they are told) and anyone who dares talk about local politics in their workplaces, pubs, clubs and even their own homes better beware, the fat sow in the town hall is out to get you.

16
May
09

the monkey clip returns

This time last week council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy was in his element sat in his pen with his tits exposed watching his piglets arguing over who’d get to suck on them first and he knew they’d all want to impress him because he was about to handout his yearly treats.

Now that the dust has settled and Miss Piggy’s tits are returning to normal, Mr Monkey thought he’d dedicate this week’s Monkey Clip to all those poor bastards who got fuck all.

Keep your eye on the little pig in the corner, he’s called Tom and it seems that the fat sow has rejected the poor runt and has decided not to feed him anymore and this chimp reckons it’s time Tom tried his luck elsewhere – give your mate Bernard a call and he’ll send a bus for you.

06
Mar
09

Tips on keeping a hobbit

Mr Monkey reckons that the silence from the Fat Mackem Hobbit over at the Shire has been deafening of late – until today and can’t help wondering whether his dicky heart has been playing up again.

The chimp is worried about the Hobbit’s well being and wonders how Mrs Hobbit is coping with her husband’s obbsessive and aggressive behaviour, especially when she gives him a banana.

Mr Monkey reckons Mrs Hobbit might appreciate a bit of advice on how to look after her moody Fat Hobbit and offers her the following advice:

  • When selecting your Hobbit did you put temperament above looks. 
  • If your fully grown Hobbit is timid and bites, do not be afraid to return it to where you got it from. Hobbits with wild tendencies do not make good pets.
  • If your Hobbit becomes aggressive it could be that it feels threatened.
  • Ensure that the room you provide for him is large enough and that he cannot smell any ‘monkeys’ nearby.
  • If your Hobbit is vicious towards another Hobbit, try introducing them in a neutral environment such as the car. Be patient and remember that not all Hobbits enjoy the company of other Hobbits.
  • Never put Hobbits and monkeys together as your Hobbit is likely to get hurt when the monkey becomes sexually mature. If you do put them together, always ensure that your Hobbit has somewhere to hide like a gutter to escape the clutches of a grumpy chimp.
  • Hobbits develop strange sexual behaviour such as spraying, biting or producing pungent smelling urine.  
  • If you want to stop your Hobbit breeding, castrate him at an early age. This will also prevent aggression, but be aware that neutered Hobbits are more prone to obesity as they grow older, so care must be taken not to allow overeating.
  • It is vital that you handle your new Hobbit from time to time to see if he’s alive.
  • Sometimes give your Hobbit a bit more stimulation to prevent aggression – try rubbing his belly
  • Be patient and persevere with your Hobbit, he won’t live forever.
06
Feb
09

Twat of The Week

This week’s Twat of The Week Award was a close run thing with two of the borough’s largest egos going head to head.

The contenders were:

Papa John Szymanski – editor of the Shields Gazette Malcolm Fanzine.

He tried to con the people of Hebburn and Jarrow into believing that his local evening loo paper cares about them. After months of planning, he’s come up with a novel way of woeing his readers back – he’s given them their own website. But he’s left out the fact that he was the man behind the decision to stop publishing a Jarrow and Hebburn edition of the Gazette in the first place.

The Fat Mackem Hobbit – South Tyneside’s all seeing eye.

Known as Mr Ego and disparagingly called Inspector Clouseauless by his ‘mates’, this individual’s knowledge of all things South Tyneside is second to none – or so he claims.

He’s spent all his life in South Tyneside, taking pictures, exploring every hidden street and travelling to and from B & Q on Secretan Way, off Station Rd (opposite Tedco) were he spent the latter part of his working his life mixing paint.

You would expect his geographical knowledge to match his ego.

Earlier in the week he claimed to have found Mr Monkey’s secret lair, apparently the chimp has been hiding out at STCentral TV’s studios on River Drive. He also reckons that the owners of the company would have received a “knock or two from their Independent Councillor over the past two year’s”.

'Twat of The Week'

'Twat of The Week'

Having considered both candidates submissions carefully Mr Monkey has decided to award this week’s Twat of The Week Award to The Fat Mackem Hobbit and this is why:

  • STCentral TV is not based on River Drive but at  Tedco Business Works, Henry Robson Way, off Station Rd (opposite B & Q), you’ve passed it for years you fuckwit and there’s only been an Independent councillor in this area for 9 months and not 2 years.

As for Papa John Szyamanski, he can bet his last sausage roll on the fact that he’ll pick up the award sometime soon.