Archive for the 'Newcastle Airport' Category


highlights: council leader Iain Malcolm rigs ballot to cheat tory Pat Piggott out of victory

council Iain Malcolm

Election fraudster - council leader Iain Malcolm

Mr Monkey would like to take readers back to April 2000.

Councillor Iain Malcolm was up for re-election and it was widely believed that he faced a tough fight against Patricia Piggott, a strong Conservative candidate.  


Many people including Iain Malcolm believed that he would lose his seat to the Conservative so he decided to take matters into his own hands and rig the ballot to ensure he won and there was no better way to do this than by manipulating the postal vote – Labour’s recently introduced new election fixing tool. 

Councillor Iain Malcolm ensured that every elderly person in his ward was registered to vote and encouraged them to vote by post. He assured them that there was nothing complicated about the process especially as he and his associates would be on hand to fill the ballot papers in for them and even offered to post them on their behalf.

Councillor Iain Malcolm particularly targeted care homes, sheltered accommodation and OAP bungalows. As a sitting councillor no council employee was going to deny him access so he was free to come and go as he pleased.


As the election was nearing its climax, councillor Iain Malcolm was increasingly worried about the reaction on the doorstep and decided that it was time for drastic intervention otherwise he would lose his seat.


Around the same time the sitting MP for South Shields, Dr David Clarke was planning to retire at the next general election which was due to be held within the next year or so.


The only problem was that councillor Iain Malcolm had been selected to sit on the Parliamentary panel and was likely to be selected to replace Dr Clarke as Labour’s parliamentary candidate at the forthcoming election – something Dr Clarke was desperate to avoid, he even raised the matter with the then Prime Minister Tony Blair.


Dr Clarke despised everything Iain Malcolm stood for, he didn’t trust him and questioned his integrity. It wasn’t long before Dr Clarke was proved right.


Prior to polling day councillor Iain Malcolm instructed all Labour party members in Horsley Hill to go around people’s homes collecting any postal voting envelopes that hadn’t been posted on the pretext of “we’ll post them for you”. But instead of posting them he asked his supporters to hand them over to him.


A crucial part of Iain Malcolm’ strategy was to ensure that the postal votes from care homes, sheltered accommodations and OAP bungalows were collected in person. He entrusted this task to an unsuspecting Labour party member called Tom Taylor. He told him to take all the envelopes to his house and that he would come and collect them later.


After he had collected them he called Iain Malcolm to tell him that he had finished his task and that they were at his house awaiting collection. Shortly after Iain Malcolm arrived.


Tom’s wife Mary, asked Iain Malcolm to step inside the house and when he saw that Tom was as good as his word and had collected a large number of envelopes he sat down and started to sort through them. Then to the total and utter dismay of these life long Labour supporters he started to open the envelopes in their front room and removed the ballot papers. Any votes for Labour were returned to the envelope and resealed for posting and any votes for Pat Piggott, the Conservative candidate were destroyed.


In the early hours of May 5th the election result was announced and as people had predicated it was a close run thing. Iain Malcolm was declared the winner with 785 votes with Pat Piggott polling 709 votes, a difference of just 76 votes.


Iain Malcolm celebrated his victory by announcing to a handful of associates that he had cheated Pat Piggott out of victory by destroying her votes and said that he’d done what he’d needed to do to ensure that no Tory took his seat.


WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Part 2 of this disgraceful act of betrayal will follow shortly.


UPDATE: Saturday 28th March at 10.35am

Yesterday was a record breaking day for Mr Monkey’s Blog with 4,163 hits being recorded. Bloggers also helped set an all time record for the highest number of hits on a single post.


UPDATE DATE: Friday 27th March at 20.55pm
Apparently Mr Monkey’s blog was mentioned at yesterday’s meeting of the full council and by all accounts it caused quite a stir. Some councillors appeared to want a hole to open up and swallow them. Others managed to raise a wry smile but sadly one or two just sat there with a blank expression on their face.


April Fool

'Mr Dumpy the sauasge roll loving cretin'

'Mr Dumpy the sausage roll loving cretin'

When Mr Monkey read this shite CLICK HERE about the editor of the Gazette, Papa John Szymanski, aka Mr Dumpy, the first thing he did was check the date; it wasn’t April 1st was it?

Mr Monkey’s not sure what the region’s editors were thinking of when they ‘appointed’ this sausage roll loving cretin as the chair of the Northern region of the Society of Editors, although he’s now been told by an insider working for the Trinity Mirror group that Papa John was the only twat to put himself forward. 

No wonder the sour faced cunt with five chins got the job!

Apparently when Papa John accepted the post he was given a ceremonial miner’s lamp so he can find his way further up Iain Malcolm’s arse and he promptly embarrassed himself by trying to eat it – he thought it was some kind of novelty sausage roll.

During his acceptance speech, Papa John read out a statement from his paymaster Iain Malcolm said,

“I am honoured to accept this position in what is a challenging time for the media. A free Press is essential to any democracy and I will strive to ensure the Society does its utmost to protect the freedom of all sectors of the media to report on behalf of the public.”

What he meant to say was,

“I am honoured to accept this position on behalf of my paymaster councillor Iain Malcolm, the leader of South Tyneside Council in what is a challenging time for him as the 2010 elections approach. The Press must be at the beck and call of it’s paymasters and democracy means nothing unless we do as we are told. I will strive to ensure the Society does its utmost to protect Labour in the North East and will ensure all sectors of the media only report the news our paymasters want us to as we cannot afford to tell the public the truth”.

Mr Monkey has been told that the Society recognises the universal right to freedom of expression, the importance of the vitality of the news media in a democratic society, and the promotion of Press and broadcasting freedom and the public right to know.

But all this is about to change under the leadership of Iain Malcolm Mr Dumpy, aka Papa John Szymanski especially if the Gazette is anything to go by.


Waiting To Tell All

Seems many of you have been waiting for Mr Monkey to apply comment moderation.

Judging by the number of people that have taken the opportunity to leave comments, safe in the knowledge that no one except Mr Monkey will see them, this chimp is going to be extremely busy over the next couple of weeks following up some of your many leads.

Mr Monkey is fascinated by some of your comments and cannot believe that so many of you have been willing to tell all.

This chimp is especially grateful to the senior council officers, who at great personal risk have have forwarded some very interesting material for Mr Monkey to follow up.

He also thanks the senior councillor who forwarded several confidential reports and emails which will be used to expose council leader Iain Malcolm.

But the most interesting revelations concern possible large scale fraud at Newcastle Airport, news of an imminent u turn by council leader Iain Malcolm and a cheap headline grabbing stunt relating to car parking which is set to be announced in the next week.

Mr Monkey reckons this limited comment moderation has been very successful and intends repeating it more often.


Good News, Bad News and The Spokesperson Said ..

Have you noticed how every time Miss Piggy, aka council leader Iain Malcolm and his lackeys fail to bribe control Papa John Szymanski the media and a story criticising the council appears the council suddenly becomes a faceless organisation?

Since May the once proud and iindependent Shields Gazette has become nothing more than the official voice of the local Labour party and if you’re stupid enough to waste 42p on this toilet paper you’ll notice that it’s always full of Labour spin and pictures of smiley Labour councillors.

If you were a visitor to South Tyneside you could be forgiven for thinking that the council consisted solelyof Labour councillors with no opposition and that you were in some kind of utopia where everything is perfect, where apparently even the MP pops down to the town centre to do his daily shopping!

On the rare occassion a critical piece does slip through the Malcolm Censorship Panel – probably because the editor, Papa John Szyamanski is too busy stuffing his chubby face with sausage rolls to notice – you never see those same smiley councillors posing for the cameras, instead they run for cover quicker than Ugly Betty, aka councillor McMillan can get on to a newly docked ship!

Readers will also notice that instead of the usual spin of “The leader of South Tyneside council said ..” the public are fed a diet of shite with “a spokesperson for South Tyneside Council said .. “

Take a look at these two recent examples:

this article appeared in the Shields Gazette Malcolm Fanzine on 24th January and was critical of the council. CLICK HERE. The article was accompanied by a picture of the town hall and included the following lines, ‘A South Tyneside Council spokesman said’ and ‘a spokesman for South Tyneside Council questioned the findings’.

Now compare it to,

this article which appeared in the Shields Gazette Malcolm Fanzine on 21st January telling the world how the council leader intends to keep the council tax rise to under 3%. CLICK HERE. But this time the article was accompanied by a smiley picture of Miss Piggy, aka councillor Iain Malcolm and it also made 4 references to either ‘the council leader’ or councillor Iain Malcolm and included the lines, ‘He said’ and ‘Coun Malcolm said’.

Mr Monkey reckons when it comes to good news Labour councillors group fight like ferrets in a sack yet when it comes to bad news or news that they haven’t been able to spin they’re a bunch of faceless cowards who disappear into the mire quicker than Iain Malcolm does when Newcastle Airport is mentioned.


The Curse of The Monkey Strikes Again

Having put an end to the political ambitions of The King of Sleaze, Tory Boy, David Potts, Mr Monkey turned his attention to the runt of the Malcolm clan, councillor Ed Malcolm.

Apparently the Malcolms Chuckle Brothers fancied their chances of capturing the Labour nomination for the Parliamentary seat of Houghton and Washington East after sitting MP Fraser Kemp announced his intention to stand down.

The scandal surrounding the payments at Newcastle Airport and councillor Iain Malcolm’s role in this murky affair put paid to any chance he had of grabbing the seat and this left the way clear for brother Ed.

Ed’s advisers and supporters did their best to hide his colourful past and dubious character but failed to control Mr Monkey and it now seems Ed has paid the ultimate price.

In a surprise move worthy of the Chuckle Brothers, Labour HQ has now imposed an all women’s shortlist on the constituency. This effectively eliminates any chance Ed had of fiddling stealing the nomination.

Ed announced his intention to seek the nomination in autumn and has tried every trick in the book to cheat his way to power. Yet within days of the ballot, the poor bastard has had his plans scuppered and his dubious past has come back to haunt him and Mr Monkey is delighted to have played his part in Ed’s demise.

How ironic then that a favourite tactic of the MalcolmsChuckle Brothers and their supporters to get rid of theircritics was used so successfully to put an end to Ed’s political ambitions.

Mr Monkey reckons former colleagues John Hodgson, John Watson and Tom Defty will tonight be raising a glass to Mr Monkey and the genius behind the plot to rid Houghton and Washington East of Ed Malcolm.

Seems Billy Malcolm’s vision for his boys will never be realised and they’ll remain tied to their mam’s apron strings forever.

Anyone else out their fancy thier chances of making it to Westminster – if so you’ll need to get past Mr Monkey first.


Wannabee MPs – The Gang Of Three

South Tyneside has it’s fair share of wannabee MPs so Mr Monkey thought he’d take a closer look at the ‘Gang of Three’.

*Ed Malcolm – aka ‘Big Ed’. This Labour councillor and brother of council leader Iain Malcolm is currently trying to con his way into Fraser Kemp’s old seat in Houghton and Washington East.
Big Ed is known as a bit of a womaniser and has a fetish for women old enough to be his granny. He has a reputation for being the tightest man in South Tyneside; he doesn’t just squeak when he walks, he screams.

*Iain Malcolm – aka ‘Miss Piggy’. Iain is the Labour leader of South Tynside Council and is never far from political controversy. He was seen as David Clarke’s successor but Tony Blair was having none of it and parachuted David Miliband into the seat instead.
He was to seek the nomination in Houghton and Washington East (before his brother) but after being incriminated in the ‘Great Newcastle Airport Giveaway’ controversy where he allowed payments of more than £8 million pounds to be paid to 2 former directors to go unchallenged he thought better of it.

*Together, the Malcolm’s are known as the Chuckle Brothers.

David Potts – aka The King of Sleaze. Pudgy Face and Tory Boy. Calls himself leader of the Conservatives on South Tyneside Council, but there’s only 3 of them including him. He stood in the Scottish Parliamentary elections and failed to make any inroads. His efforts got him noticed and he was selected as the Conservative candidate to challenge the Chancellor, Alastair Darling for his Edinburgh seat.
Following revelations by Mr Monkey about his heavy drinking, abuse of position and womanising he was to be deselected by the party. He claimed to have resigned because of his father’s ill health (he lives with his mum) and wanted to devote more time to fighting the BNP. Apparently he also failed to consistentlycampaign in the constituency and was not well liked by party members who thought that he was self opinionated and arrogant.

Mr Monkey reckons it will be interesting to see which one of these makes it to Westminster first or is there someone else who might beat them to it .. Michael Clare for instance?


Iain Says Keep Out!

Seems the pressure of trying to hide things from the public is begining to tell on Miss Piggy, aka council leader Iain Malcolm.

Mr Monkey has learned that he’s so worried about eavesdroppers listening in to his conversations and leaks getting out he recently issued an order instruction via senior council officers telling all council employees to KEEP OUT of the members corridor which runs in front of his office.

Apparently most council employees fell about laughing when they read his this instruction and reckon that the poor shit is fast becoming an obsessive, paranoid fuckwit that’s got something to hide – murky airport dealings perhaps!


Evens on Steady Eddie Going To Prison

The members lounge is full of talk about what’s likely to happen to Steady ‘Hic’ Eddie McAtominey at today’s court hearing.

Nancy Maxwell will be stressed to learn that some of her colleagues callous bastards are running a book on the outcome of her husband’s trial.

Sorry Nancy but Mr Monkey tried placing a a few quid on Eddie getting a suspended sentance but quickly changed his mind when he was offered 3 to 1 on councillor Iain Malcolm facing fraud charges following a Serious Fraud Office investigation into his role in the ‘Great Newcastle Airport’ rip pay off.

Mr Monkey would have been a cunt not to grab these odds with both paws!


What Does Steady Eddie Know About You Iain?

Bloggers will know doubt have read The Fat Mackem Hobbit’s account of councillor Eddie McAtominey’s latest drinking exploits around 8.30pm yesterday. CLICK HERE.

Like the Hobbit, Mr Monkey was told by a source close to the Labour leadership that Steady ‘hic’ Eddie was in police custody after being arrested on suspicion of drink driving. But unlike the Hobbit, Mr Monkey decided to wait for confirmation ealrier today.

It seems the Labour party is rapidly imploding on itself and if Iain Malcolm’s little piglets continue at this rate most of them will be in jail, a lunatic asylum, an addiction clinic, the crematorium or facing charges on suspcion of benefit fraud. 

Even head sow Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy is beginning to drown in his own shit face questions about his murky dealings at Newcastle International Airport.

If poor Miss Piggy hasn’t got enough shit on his her plate the borough’s number one plonky and Labour’s answer to Ozzie Osborne, councillor Eddie McAtominey was seen leaving a shop on Finchale Road Hebburn with a bottle of the hard stuff. He drank the lot and then threw the empty bottle over a wall before getting into his car and attempting to weave his way home to see Nancy.

Unfortunately for Eddie the police had already seen him and pulled him over for a breath test. This time there was no “do you know who I am” or “I’ll have your fucking jobs” he just did as he was told like a naughty little schoolboy who’d been caught with his hands in someone’s arse pocket.

The breath test proved positive and he was arrested. A second breath test at South Shields police station was also possitive and he was then tucked up in his cell for the night.

After a hearty breakfast washed down with alcohol free tea, he was taken to the Magistrates Court where he pleaded guilty to drink driving. He was banned for 21 months, fined £500 and ordered to pay £43 costs.

Apparently he perjured himself in court by claiming that his drink problem only started when he was diagnosed with cancer – you’re a lying bastard Eddie.

You’ve always had a drink problem, your liver’s fucked and everyone including your partner in crime, you know the one that opened all those procurement envelopes and tenders at the GMB wife knew you were a plonky years ago. The only surprise is that you’ve lasted this long.

Boys 'n' Booze .. what more do you want Iain?

Boys 'n' Booze what more do you want Iain?

Miss Piggy aka Iain Malcolm must of had a hell of night laying awake wondering what to do next.

This morning he apparently took ‘decisive’ action in that he suspended councillor McAtominey from the cabinet. But being the limped wrist bastard he is, councillor Malcolm allowed Steady Eddie to remain on the police authority and the council.

Come on Iain who the fuck are you trying to con, the arsehole you are protecting is a one man disaster zone. He’s dragging the good name of the party, the council and the people of South Tyneside through the shit and you’re letting him do it.

Mr Monkey can’t help wondering whether Steady Eddie knows just a little too much about you and your murky past and that you’re scared stiff that he’ll tell all – remember those selection meetings Iain?

Come on Miss Piggy councillor Malcolm act like a leader and do the decent thing .. get rid of this washed up alcoholic before it’s too late.


Monkey Clip

This week’s Monkey Clip is dedicated to councillor Iain Malcolm aka ‘Miss Piggy’ and the Chief Executive of South Tyneside Council, Irene Lucas – we all know how much they love each other! CLICK HERE.

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