Archive for the 'Paul Walker' Category

20
May
09

how much does a progressive councillor cost the taxpayer?

It’s the Progressives turn to face Mr Monkey’s how much do they cost the taxpayer test. 

Like the Real Independents, these closet Conservatives have effectively been bought by Miss Piggy as he tries desperately to cling on to power. Sadly this once major force in South Tyneside politics has been reduced to a handful of has beens that are well past their sell by date, but they do all have one thing in common – they’re useless, and in some case clueless. 

Take councillor Hetherington, one of the Ugly Sisters from West Park, she accepted the position of vice chair of the Riverside Community Area Forum thinking it was a paid position and when she found out it wasn’t she spent the rest of the year sulking. 

Name

  Allowances   

  Travel   

  Subsistence   

Total

  Weekly Cost   

J. Capstick

£11,760

 

 

£11,760

£226.15

K. Hickman

£11,203

 

 

£11,203

£215.44

E. Hetherington

£7,056

 

 

£7,056

£135.69

M. Robinson

£7,056

 

 

£7,056

£135.69

L. Nolan

£7,056

 

 

£7,056

£135.69

 

 

 

 

 

 

TOTALS

£44,131

£44,131

£848.66

 The cost of each Progressive councillor to the taxpayer in 2008 – 09 was £8,826.20

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11
Feb
09

Red Rum Hands The Reigns To Lurch

Councillor George ‘Red Rum’ Elsom the fuckwit whose hobbies include climbing into wheelie bins in the dead of night has been told by his doctor to cut out the sunbeds because it’s frying his brain.

Although he’s taken his doctors advise Red Rum is worried that he could end up looking like a grey gelding at the Grand National.

Olive, his long suffering filly has stepped in and managed to persuade him to take a trip down under in a last ditched attempt to convince him that he’s not past it. Whilst the rest of us put up with Arctic conditions, Red Rum is suning himself down under and was last seen climbing into rbbish bins in the outback.

Before he left, Red Rum handed over the reigns of the Real Independent Party to his lackey councillor Terry Haram, aka the Whiteleas Lurch.

Mr Monkey can’t help wondering what Lurch is going to do without Red Rum other than argue with himself in the bathroom mirror. Although he could kick the borough’s political whore, Paul Walker, about for the next 4 weeks but he’d have to pry him away from the grasp of the Witches of West Park, aka the Ugly Sisters.

30
Jan
09

Pantomine In West Park

'West Park Panto .. with Enid, Majorie and special guest star Buttons'

'West Park Panto .. with Enid, Majorie and special guest star Buttons'

West Park is about to gain notoriety as a panto venue with the maiden appearance of the Ugly Sisters, councillors Enid Hetherington and Marjorie Robinson.

After years of doing fuck all except riding on the coat tails of their late father, it seems someone has persuaded them it might be a good idea to do a ward surgery.

Mr Monkey reckons anyone foolish enough to turn up will feel as though they’re watching paint dry – and that’s just waiting for them to say hello.

Apparently there’ll be a third cast member present and Mr Monkey reckons it will be Buttons – but who is he?

Suspects include George ‘Red Rum’ Elsom’s lackey, Paul Walker who moonlights for the Progressives as their secretary or Ken Hickman who gives the impression he doesn’t even know what day of the week it is. Rumour has it that even the Fat Mackem Hobbit might put in an appearance.

It seems this latest brainwave in West Park has been years in the making and all Mr Monkey can say is .. look out behind you’  because Red Rum Elsom is about to stab you in the back.