Archive for the 'Ping pong' Category

24
May
09

monkey clip

This week’s Monkey Clip is dedicated to the greediest bastard on South Tyneside Council.

Labour councillor Ernest Gibson, the Whiteleas sex machine known for his love of everything – as long as it’s free – managed to milk the council’s expenses system and claimed almost £5,000 for travel, hotel accommodation and meals.

Pay careful attention to the thing in the grey suit, he reminds Mr Monkey of council leader Iain Malcolm. The ‘baby’ also reminds this chimp of the new mayor, councillor John Anglin.

22
May
09

Labour councillors paid almost half a million pounds

Its Labour’s turn to face Mr Monkey’s how much do they cost the taxpayer test.

When bloggers look at the figures it’s easy to see why so many Labour stalwarts have been around for so long. No wonder they squeal like pigs on the way to the slaughter house when they face the prospect of being dragged away from the trough.

Mr Monkey also reckons that this is why their lives are decimated when the electorate kick them out and why so many of them try and grab someone else’s seat on the council. This is the only way they can get their snouts back in the trough – there’s never been any honour amongst thieves especially when it comes to money.

Here are some of the highlights from The Labour Greed List,

• Coun Iain Malcolm made the highest claim at £32,435 (£623.75 a week)

• Coun Alan Kerr claimed at £23,319 (£448.44 a week)

• Coun Ernest Gibson claimed a record £4,932.27 for travel and subsistence

• Coun Rob Dix treated himself to a new BMW when he was elected. This delivery driver receives an annual boost to his salary from the taxpayer of around £14,000.

• After replacing Paul Waggott as leader of the council, Coun Malcolm promptly put the boot in by not giving Coun Linda Waggott a place at his trough. She was the only Labour councillor not to receive a special responsibility allowance.

Mr Monkey was staggered to learn that almost half a million pounds of taxpayers money was paid to just 31 Labour councillors and for what? Most of them can’t string a sentence together and couldn’t care less about the people they represent, that is until it’s time for their re-election.

The cost of each Labour councillor to the taxpayer in 2008 – 09 was a staggering £15,029.83.

Name

Allowance

Travel

Subsistence

Total

Weekly Cost

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anglin, J

11,760

-

-

11,760

226.15

Bell, J

16,464

-

-

16,464

316.61

Boyack, P

13,833

691.25

152.33

14,676

282.23

Brady, W  E

16,464

-

-

16,464

316.61

Clare, M H

16,464

-

-

16,464

316.61

Dix, R

14,112

-

-

14,112

271.38

Dixon, T

15,352

1,566.80

315.62

17,234

331.43

Donaldson, A

8,168

-

129.63

8,297

159.55

Foreman, J

16,464

800.15

214.01

17,478

336.11

Gibson, E

16,186

3,431.90

1,500.37

21,118

406.12

Hanson, T

16,464

-

-

16,464

316.61

Kerr, A

22,408

733.47

177.63

23,319

448.44

Leask, E

14,112

-

-

14,112

271.38

Lewell, E L

11,760

-

-

11,760

226.15

Malcolm, E

16,464

1,253.10

605.91

18,323

352.36

Malcolm, I

31,817

239.00

379.82

32,435

623.75

Maxwell, N E

16,464

228.50

72.94

16,765

322.40

McAtominey, E

12,962

638.40

53.12

13,653

262.56

McCabe, J G

14,112

-

-

14,112

271.38

McMillan, A

11,481

-

-

11,481

220.78

Meeks, J

14,112

334.60

160.61

14,607

280.90

Perry, J

16,464

-

-

16,464

316.61

Piggot, T

11,760

-

-

11,760

226.15

Punchion, O

11,760

102.40

-

11,862

228.11

Scorer, B

14,112

211.20

111.75

14,434

277.57

Sewell, J

16,464

658.75

734.78

17,857

343.40

Spraggon, S

11,203

151.20

-

11,354

218.34

Stewart, A M

13,833

114.90

88.47

14,036

269.92

Strike, A

11,760

56.00

-

11,816

227.23

Waggott, L I

7,056

-

-

7,056

135.69

Walsh, A

8,486

372.00

15.42

8,873

170.63

 

 

 

 

 

 

TOTALS:

450,321*

10,892.37

4,712.41

465,925*

8,973.16

*These figures do not include pence

17
Feb
09

Bilbo Loves Ping Pong

'Mayor Baggins loves his ping pong'

'Mayor Baggins is considering using his mayor's allowance to buy himself a momento of his visit to the Flying Scotsman'

Last week Mr Monkey revealed how some South Tyneside councillors love nothing more than an away-day to London, especially if there’s a chance to pop in to the Flying Scotsman to watch some dirty tart strut her stuff; all for a bit of loose change, CLICK HERE 

Mr Monkey recalls a story he heard in the members lounge about soon to be mayor Bilbo Baggins, aka councillor John Anglin.

Apparently Bilbo had been in London for the day with a few of his cronies including Shrek, aka councillor Gibson and his Donkey, aka councillor Sewell when they decided to call in to their favourite watering hole for a quick drink fanny farm to see what tasty morsels were on the menu.

As soon as they entered this perverts paradise, they were approached by a rough looking Eastern European slapper, who even Shrek wouldn’t shag.

Luckily for Bilbo, this lass took a shine to him and kept shaking her empty pint glass at him – she was after a bit of loose change so she got get her kit off and perform her party trick. 

Bilbo quickly obliged and before he could say Gandalf, this dodgy slapper was on the stage dropping her draws and flashing her fanny for all to see.

Bilbo had never seen anything like it before and his glasses steamed up so quickly, Shrek had to provide him with demisting cloth – but the best was still to come.

Apparently Hobbits love ping pong and somebody had told the star of the show. No sooner had she finished exercising her fanny, she appeared with a box of ping pong balls.

This Queen of Sleaze crouched down, opened her legs and loaded her fanny with the full box of ping pong balls. She then turned towards Bilbo, gave him a quick wink and started to fire them in the direction of this ecstatic hobbit.

By now, Bilbo’s glasses were so steamed up he didn’t realise that he was being hit by ping pong balls and his suit was getting covered an unusual substance with a familiar odour.

It was only when Shrek and Donkey picked him up off the floor and helped him to the train for the journey back to Newcastle did he realise what he’d done.

This is when the guilt set in as he wondered how he’d explain the staining on his suit and the whiff of a kipper to Berylla Baggins, aka Chris Anglin.

Mr Monkey reckons the mayor’s secretary will have to keep an eye on the mayoral chains just in case Bilbo is tempted to swap the golden balls for the more familiar fishy type.




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