Archive for the 'Pot Pie' Category

23
Jul
09

councillor sectioned following sacking

'Councillor Potts cannot cope with his demons'

'Councillor Potts cannot cope with his demons'

A year ago councillor David Potts was a rising star in the Conservative party after being selected as the Conservative Parliamentary candidate to stand against the Chancellor, Alistair Darling at the next general election.

Many Scottish Conservatives reckoned that he was destined for great things and even councillor David Potts believed that he would – at the very least become a  minister in the new Conservative administration – that was until Mr Monkey revealed his antics here in South Tyneside to the world.

Within months of exposing the ‘real David Potts’ any ambitions he had to make it to Westminster were over. The Scottish Conservatives took the unusual step of effectively sacking him by removing him as their candidate and replacing him with Edinburgh councillor, Jason Rust who ironically had been pictured with David Potts on a number of occasions.

Councillor Potts found it difficult to come to terms with this rejection and his life quickly spiralled downwards.

Publicly he tried to convince the world that he had ‘resigned’ because of his father’s ill health and when it was pointed out to him by people who knew his father that this wasn’ttrue, he changed his story and claimed that the real reason he resigned was so that he could return to South Tyneside to fight the far right threat posed by the BNP.

He attended one meeting hosted by the leader of South Tyneside Council and to date no further meetings have been held.

Those close to councillor Potts feared for his safety and mental wellbeing as his behaviour became more erratic. They noticed that his drink problem had became more profound, he started to talk to imaginary beings and became increasing paranoid – he thought he was being followed by monkeys and started to see chimps everywhere.

This paranoia was coupled with depression, something he had suffered from as a child. He found it difficult to cope with and eventually retreated into his own world, he refused to answer his telephone, speak to anyone and then disappeared.

Some people thought he’d gone on holiday but Mr Monkey can now reveal that he returned to Scotland in an attempt to tackle his Edinburgh demons, but bottled it at the last minute and ended up in Glasgow.

He thought he was safe there where he could hide amongst the down and outs, tramps, alcoholics and drug addicts - that was until a jogger spotted him in the infamous Glasgow Green on the banks of the Clyde and called the police.

Apparently when the police arrived they found him unconscious on a park bench dressed in khaki shorts, a beige tshirt and a pith helmet. He was surrounded by a dozen toy monkeys, some of which had been mutilated and a fluffy chimp hanging from the tree above him in what appeared to have been a mock execution.

When the police roused him he refused to acknowledge their presence, pulled out a water pistol and started to ‘shoot’ the toy monkeys. He even tried to kiss and cuddle 2 blue monkeys which he kept referring to us Maggie and Smeagol.

At this point the police decided to ‘protect’ him and took him to the Gartnavel Royal Hospital where he was detained under section 4 of the Mental Health Act.

Mr Monkey can reveal that councillor Potts - who has a history of mental illness - is now hoping he can use his own experiences to change people’s perception of menal health and is campaigning for the law to be changed.

PART 2 WILL FOLLOW SHORTLY

05
Mar
09

Potts Bats For Both Sides .. And Not Just Politically

'Love is in the air'

'Love is in the air'

For months the King of Sleaze, councillor David Potts has been obsessed with unmasking the chimp behind Mr Monkey’s Blog.

Poor old Pudgy Face - little did he know that he came within a whisker of revealing the person behind the monkey on Tuesday night when he and his male ‘friend’ enjoyed an intimate meal at  Brunnelos No 5 restaurant, above the Wheatsheaf pub in Boldon.

Mr Monkey nearly choked on his starter when The King of Sleaze and his male companion entered the restaurant. They had a couple of pre-dinner drinks before siting down for their meal. They left about an hour later but Mr Monkey couldn’t see whether they were holding hands or not.

It seems councillor Potts has alot more in common with council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy than this chimp first thought – they’re both fond of faggots.

20
Feb
09

The King of Sleaze – David Potts is back!

"The King of Sleaze is back"

"The King of Sleaze is back"

Seems the double dealing twat, The King of Sleaze, councillor David Potts has surfaced from his sleazy bolt hole long enough to condemn the council’s bi monthly magazine; On View.

Apparently Pudgy Face Potts reckons it’s huge waste of taxpayers money and should be scrapped. Mr Monkey can’t help wondering whether Tory Boy Potts has a short memory, is just plain stupid or was born a fuckwit.

Mama’s boy seems to have forgotten that he was responsible for setting an all time record for a councillor’s travel expenses. He conned claimed nearly £2500 in first class rail journeys to travel to and from Cambridge where he reckons to have been studying. CLICK HERE and HERE.

He’s renowned for using the fact he’s a councillor to scrounge his way into nightclubs, private parties and events that cost money with his “do you know who I am” con.

Now Mr Monkey learns that he was bought off cheaply is eternally grateful to his sponsor Miss Piggy, aka councillor Iain Malcolm for giving him a place at the trough.

Apparently Miss Piggy gave him the position of Vice Chair of the Select Committee Environment, Housing and Transport and Safer and Stronger Communities which carries with it an annual payment of £7,056.

This chimp has taken a closer look at this committee and can reveal that it’s only met 6 times since May 2008 – that’s equal to £1,176 per meeting.

But as with all things connected to the King of Sleaze, nothing is ever what it seems. Councillor Potts has only attended 3 out of the 6 meetings so his price is £2,352 per meeting.

Now that’s what Mr Monkey calls a waste of money.

25
Jan
09

Pudgy’s Infamous Pot Pie

"the taste is in my giblets"

"the taste is in my giblets"

Mr Monkey fancied a pint after he’d been to the cinema and popped into the Red Lion in Boldon.

He expected to see The King of Sleaze holding court at his local but sadly he must have been lying in some gutter. Either that or he’d nipped out in to the bushes for a quicky with one of the locals whilst her husband was having a piss.

Suddenly Mrs Monkey burst out laughing and narrowly missed spraying Mr Monkey with her Southern Comfort.

“What’s so funny” I asked. When Mrs Monkey got her breath back she pointed at the specials board and said, “they’ve even named a pie after Pudgy Face”.

A quick glance at the board revealed that the special was POT PIE. Now it was Mr Monkey’s turn to piss himself .

This chimp can’t help wondering what was in the pie and a quick chat with a regular revealed that it contained a secret ingredient - Tory Boy’s giblets perhaps?




Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.