Archive for the 'Shopping' Category

30
Mar
09

Exclusive: Good news for King street .. at last

'Good news for KIng St, Sports Direct will be opening soon'

'Good news for King St, Sports Direct will be opening soon'

EXCLUSIVE: Mr Monkey can exclusively reveal that South Shield’s beleaguered town centre is about to receive a welcome boost.

Newcastle United’s owner Mike Ashley, is set to open a branch of Sports Direct in South Shields.

The news comes at a time when Mr Ashley, the under-fire Newcastle United owner is expanding his business portfolio in an effort to establish his dominance over rival sportswear retailer JJB Sports.

Mr Monkey can confirm that Sports Direct has acquired the former Woolworths site on King Street and is set to open it’s doors to the public in June.

This chimp can also confirm that Sports Direct decision to open a store in South Shields has nothing to do with the council, the council leader or South Tyneside Means Business – just in case the council’s Office of Propaganda were thinking of claiming the credit!

Mr Monkey wonders whether this latest addition to a ‘thriving King Street’ means we’ll be seeing more of our shopaholic invisible MP, David Miliband .. sadly not, Mr Monkey has just learned that Sports Direct doesn’t sell Arsenal tops.

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11
Mar
09

is the council trying to cover up what local people really think?

Last autumn South Tyneside Council was ordered to carry out a PLACE SURVEY by the government and it seems that senior council officers and don’t like the results.

South Tyneside like all other councils were required to undertake a Place Survey in their area between September and December 2008 and every 2 years thereafter.

The survey is designed to measure how residents experience life in South Tyneside, what they think about the place and their satisfaction with a range of local public services. It also provides information for 18 of the national performance indicators that all local councils are measured against.

The survey was a random postal survey and in order to ensure the results were reliable the council needed 1,100 completed questionnaires. The results are then weighted to reflect the profile of the population in each council area.

South Tyneside Council is facing a severe rap on the knuckles for delaying the publication of the national survey into council services. The surevy was due for national publication about 10 days ago, with the best performers getting slaps on the back and the kudos that goes with it – something that council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy and his chief executive, Irene Lucas, aka the Dominatrix keep ramming down the publics throat.

However, South Tyneside Council, seems to have taken thier ball home because they haven’t been able to manipulate the results to suit their own agenda and spin the truth about what people really think.

Senior officers and members have deliberately tried to sabotage the process in an attempt to keep the details of the survey secret and are trying to clog up the system by raising multiple queries on the results with the Audit Commission, as the national results make South Tyneside look very bad.

These queries have been spurious in the extreme, but have resulted in the Audit Commission delaying the publication due to a threat from South Tyneside to take it to a ministerial level – Mr Monkey can’t help wondering who that King Street loving shopaholic could be?

Senior officers and members are running scared of being found out for what they really are and for being held to account for their negligence in mismanaging the borough?

Perhaps Miss Piggy would like to tell this chimp when he can expect to read about this in the Shields Labour Gazetteer?

13
Feb
09

Miliband Set To Cheat on Colmans

South Shields stay away MP David Miliband the self confessed potato head whose renowned for his love of chips is widely believed to be planning a surprise visit to Westerhope this weekend to taste the best chips in the North East.

Readers of this blog will know that ‘Chips’ Miliband has a cosy relationship with Colmans fish and chip shop on Ocean Road. Apparently it’s down to the batter and has nothing to do with the owner, Richard Ord’s generosity towards the local Labour party.

"and the chips ain't bad too"

"and the chips ain't bad too"

It seems that Mr Miliband’s love of chips has got the better of him and he’s planning a sneaky trip to Gormans @ Westerhope – sorry David but your secret is out. 

This family-run fish and chip shop on Redburn industrial estate, Westerhope, Newcastle, beat thousands of contenders to win an award for the standard of its chips and has been named the North East’s Perfect Portion winner during National Chip Week.

Unlike Colmans recent award, where Richard Ord had to charm a panel of judges, Gormans award was based on what the public think.

With praise like this it’s no wonder ‘Chips’ Miliband has been tempted to cheat on Colmans.

05
Feb
09

Miliband Kisses Arse Stateside

"Have you heard of Colmans?"

"Have you heard of Colmans?"

South Shields MP and Foreign Secretary David Miliband is feeling smug after President Obama’s administration gave him a special treat earlier this week – he was allowed to kiss his counterpart’s Hillary Clinton’s arse before anyone else.

Apparently our special relationship with the USA is set to continue for a little while longer after Miliband’s gesture of obedience.

During their meeting Mr Miliband did his best to promote South Shields Colmans by talking about fish and chips, but as usual he put his foot in it by relying heavily on his researchers information.

Mr Monkey can reveal Hillary loves nothing better than an an olive burger which she first discovered in her college days. In 2003 the inventor renamed it the Hillary Burger after she paid a visit to her favourite Greek coffee shop.

Mr Miliband also showed Hillary a few snaps of South Tyneside’s premier shopping area, King Street and pointed out all the shops he visits regularly that are shut and invited her to join him on one of his many shopping trips to the ‘street’.

She politely declined saying Bill prefers Macy’s to Ethel Austin but she did’nt rule out a trip to Colmans.