Archive for the 'Slapper' Category

21
Jul
09

mr monkey calls it a day

'Mr Monkey calls it a day so he can go home'

'Mr Monkey calls it a day so he can return home to enjoy his retirement'

It’s been nearly a year since Mr Monkey burst on to the local political scene with the redesigned version of Mr Monkey’s Blog

.. and what a year it’s been.

This chimp had no idea of the effect his blog would have on politicians of all parties and senior council officers or the impact it would have on local politcs.

Mr Monkey quickly built up a following amongst local bloggers and within weeks, Mr Monkey’s Blog established itself as South Tyneside’s premier blog, much to the annoyance of some.

There have been many highlights during the last 12 months but Mr Monkey’s favourites are:-

  • Ending councillor David Potts political career before it started by getting him deselected as the Tory candidate to fight Alistair Darling.
  • Ensuring that the people of Washington East and Houghton knew what a devious and scheming individual Ed Malcom was. This played a major part  in his failure to become their prospective member of Parliament.
  • Exposing council leader Iain Malcolm as an election fraudster.
  • Knowing that Irene Lucas, the Chief Executive of South Tyneside Council could not control, manipulate or stop Mr Monkey and that his blog was the worst thing that happened to her in her local government career.
  • Knowing that every politician feared being exposed on Mr Monkey’s Blog and despite what they said, knowing that everyone of them read it daily.
  • Exposing Ed Malcolm’s long term affair with his ‘granny’, aka councillor Punchion
  • ‘Outing’ Iain Malcolm.
  • Continually thwarting the attempts of senior council officials to stop Mr Monkey’s Blog and reveal the identity of Mr Monkey.
  • Frustrating South Tyneside’s most self opinionated blogger, the Fat Mackem Hobitt.
  • Exposing Papa John Szymanski, editor of the local Malcolm Fanzine, aka the Shields Gazette as a Labour groupie, freeloader and that he sold his soul to Labour for the price of a sausage roll.
  • Knowing that all the pseudonyms Mr Monkey has used will be around for years to come.

After achieving every goal Mr Monkey set himself - in record time - this chimp has decided to give his victims an early birthday present - Mr Monkey is going to call it a day on Thursday 30th July.

Mr Monkey has spent the last couple of months agonising over whether or not to retire and after talking it over with a few wiser chimps, he’s decided to take their advice and return to the jungle to enjoy his retirement and spend more time with his family.

Although Mr Monkey has decided to call it a day, he hasn’t yet made up his mind about whether to leave Mr Monkey’s Blog on the internet for future generations to enjoy or whether to remove it forever - that decision will be made on International Primate Day.

Make sure you stop by on Tuesday 1st September .. when all will be revealed.

02
Jul
09

local conservatives party at your expense

'councillor Milburn consoles his leader after news broke that councillor Gibson got away with more expenses than he did'

'councillor Milburn consoles his leader after news broke that councillor Gibson got away with more expenses than he did'

Over the last couple of days Mr Monkey has been having another look at the expenses claims of Laurel and Hardy, the comedy duo who represent the Cleadon and East Boldon Ward, councillors Potts and Milburn.

Armed only with a diary, a calculator and a list of council committee meetings, Mr Monkey has come to the conclusion that Laurel and Hardy have been having a very fine time at the behest of the public purse. Readers will remember that Mr Monkey revealed Dumb and Dumber’s excessive expense claims in a previous post CLICK HERE

The King of Sleaze David Potts accumulated £3116.81 whilst attending the Local Government Association’s “Environment Board”, travelling up and down to London (with the odd overnight stop) via first class rail travel. Over £800 was pocketed claimed largely without the production of any receipts.

Likewise, councillor Milburn the Cleadon Plonky managed to rack up £3129.85, this time via the Local Government Associations “Strategy and Finance Board”. Not to miss out on any free money, £300 was paid out with no proof that it had actually been spent.

Those of you who frequent this site on a regular basis will not be surprised by these figures – councillor Potts has always been top of the class when it comes to sponging a publicly funded jaunt to London, a free bed for the night and a slap up meal to boot. Clearly, he has also created Milburn in his own image, indeed they both love nothing more than a good feed at the pig’s trough at the public’s expense of course. 

Whilst their greed may be galling, it’s surpassed by their total disregard for the people who elected them. Over a period of 6 consecutive LGA Environment Board meetings, cpunillor Potts never missed one of them. When it comes to 6 Community Area Forum meetings (the life blood of the councillor/electorate structure) all held within a couple of days of Potts’ trips to London, he managed to attend a grand total of ……0, zero, nil, zilch, none.

Councillor Milburn’s record is equally contemptible. 4 of his LGA Strategy and Finance Board meetings fell on the same day as his local CAF’s – Milburn chose to go to London on all four occasions, spending £1381 instead of representing those who elected him. Over the Council committee period 2008/2009, the 3 stooges – Conservative councillors for Cleadon and East Boldon (lets not forget the Donald Wood) – never managed to attend a CAF meeting as a trio. Pudgy Face Potts didn’t even manage to get his rather ample backside to one meeting, such is his laziness and contempt for the electorate.

So there you have it. When it comes to representing their communities, councillors David Potts and Jeffrey Milburn could not care less and would rather have a free couple of days in London, all paid for from the public purse.

Mr Monkey has this message for all you doubters out there … when you’re sitting in The Cottage or The Red Lion listening to the whines emanating from the mouths of Potts and Milburn as to how their reputations have been besmirched by The Monkey, remind them that all this information has been gleaned from the Councils own internet site. It’s free to use and free to see – the devil is in the detail, however, the devil is never in The Gazette!

13
May
09

tory councillor David Potts £12,000 expense claims

After yesterday’s pronouncements by the Conservative leader David Cameron concerning the dodgy expense claims of some of his colleagues i.e pay back the money or risk being booted out of the party, Mr Monkey can’t help wondering when councillor David Potts, the local Conservative group leader will join the newly formed  alliance of spineless progressives and the outcasts, who apparently want to be known as The Progressive Party and The Association on non Aligned Independent Councillors?

Regular readers of this blog will remember this post CLICK HERE

"After claiming nearly £12,000 in expenses he still can't afford a pair of sunglasses"

"After claiming nearly £12,000 in expenses he still can't afford a pair of sunglasses"

about councillor Potts record expense claim in 2005 when he claimed more than £2,251 – most of it was spent on First Class rail travel which just happened to be around the same time he claimed he was studying at Cambridge.

Mr Monkey can now reveal that councillor Potts has gone that extra mile in the last 12 months (2008 – 09) and has set another record by claiming a whooping  £3,393 in travel expenses and subsistence.

Interestingly this claim also coincides with the period that councillor Potts had been selected as the Conservative candidate to challenge Alistair Darling in Edinburgh – that is until Mr Monkey put paid to his political ambitions by revealing the sleazy alcohol fuelled antics of councillor Potts.

This chimp reckons that the people of South Tyneside unwittingly paid for his campaign jollies and will be stunned to learn that the council allowed him to get away with it.

Mr Monkey can also reveal that councillor Potts, who is allegedly in opposition has one of the worst attendance records on South Tyneside council,  but he’s still managed to claim nearly £12,000 in travel and subsistence since his election in late 2004.

This chimp reckons it’s time David Cameron turned his attention to some of his colleagues in local government, especially those who are blatantly ripping off the taxpayer with their exaggerated and probably fraudulent expense claims.

.. and Mr Monkey certainly intends to bring councillor Potts dubious expense claims to his attention.

17
Apr
09

exclusive: tory councillor David Potts gets almost £1,200 for every council meeting he attends

'No wonder the bastard's smiling, he can afford an escort when he gets £1,176 for every council meeting he attends'

'No wonder the bastard's smiling, he can afford an escort when he gets £1,176 for every council meeting he attends'

Mr Monkey would like to thank the other local blogger for drawing his attention to the attendances of certain councillors.

He seems to have selectively singled out the poor attendance record of councillor Allen Branley, the not quite as bad record of councillor Jane Branley and the “ever present” records of councillor Victor Thompson and Ahmed Khan.

So Mr Monkey thought he’d take a closer look at the Hobbit’s hero – the King of Sleaze and ‘Totty Magnet’ – Tory Boy David Potts attendance record, and what an eye opener it was.

Below are Pudgy Face’s attendance rates up to 15 April 2009 and they have been taken from the council’s own website.

Clearly, he only attends full council meetings for the attention. He has no respect for sub committee’s, and cant be bothered to go to even 1 CAF meeting, they only council structure that deals directly with his ward members.

Labour council leader Iain Malcolm bought Tory Boy’s loyalty by giving him a Scrutiny vice-chair position, which the members allowance scheme shows pays £7056 in addition to his basic allowance of £7056  and this is how he conned more than £14,000 out of the public purse earned his money.

1. BOROUGH COUNCIL
11 MEETINGS
10 ATTENDANCES 
= 90 % RATE

2. LICENSING COMMITTEE
17 MEETINGS
0 ATTENDANCE  
= 0 % ATTENDANCE RATE

3. BOLDON CLEADON AND WHITBURN CAF
9 MEETINGS
0 ATTENDANCES
0 % RATE

4. REGULATORY COMMITTEE
8 MEETINGS, 7 CANCELLED
0 ATTENDANCES
0 % RATE

5. HUMAN RESOURCES COMMITTEE
8 MEETINGS
0 ATTENDANCES
0 % RATE

6. SELECT COMMITTEE ENVIRONMENT HOUSING AND TRANSPORT AND SAFER AND STRONGER COMMUNITIES COMMITTEE – VICE CHAIR
8 MEETINGS
2 ATTENDANCES
25 % RATE

7. APPOINTMENTS SUB COMMITTEE
8 MEETINGS
0 ATTENDANCES
% RATE

8. SCRUTINY COMMISSION ON ENVIRONMENTAL ENFORCEMENT – VICE CHAIR
7 MEETINGS
0 ATTENDANCES

9. SCRUTINY COMMISSION ON IMPROVING DELIVERY OF TRANSPORT AND PEDESTRIAN INFRASTRUCTURE -VICE CHAIR
2 MEETINGS
0 ATTENDANCES
0 % RATE

SUMMARY AS AT 15 APRIL 2009
POSSIBLE MEETINGS -71
ATTENDANCES – 12
OVERALL ATTENDANCE RATE % – 17%

Total amount that can be claimed by Pudgy Face, councillor David Potts is £14,112 or £1,176 per meeting attended – not bad work if you can get it!

12
Mar
09

Updated – will ugly betty gets a nose job at the public’s expense?

'Nose job'

'Nose job'

Mr Monkey overheard an interesting conversation recently about The Patron Slut of Sailors, councillor Audrey McMillan and her rehabilitation back into Miss Piggy’s, aka councillor Iain Malcolm’s inner circle.

Councillor McMillan, ‘affectionaltey’ referred to as Ugly Betty by senior Labour councillors was distraught several year’s ago when she lost the chair of the planning committee.

This had nothing to do with the fact she lost her position but had everything to do with money, especially the prospect of losing her special responsibility allowance (£8000) and all the back handers she used to get.

Mr Monkey can also confirm that she was within a whisker of joining councillor Branley’s Indy Alliance - the only thing that put her off was money – she was worried she would not be able to retain her Beacon and Bents seat.

This did not stop her spending hours on the telephone complaining about anything and everyone and telling people how the Labour party was out to get her. She also got a reputation for crying and turning the tears on for effect.

Ugly Betty has never been well liked by her colleagues – females colleagues think she’s a slapper and will shag their husbands at the drop of a hat – just ask Sue Reynolds - male colleagues treat her as an easy fuck – ask Ron Reynolds.

But the ones that despised her the most were her own ward colleagues, Bilbo Baggins, aka councillor John Anglin and Alahbama John, aka John Morris Wood.

This scheming pair and their wives conspired to keep things away from Ugly Betty and worked tirelessly behind the scenes to get her deselected. They even paid Labour party membership fees for people to join the local party out of their own pockets so that they could count on their support when it came to selection meetings. At one stage the local Beacon and Bents Labour party was closed down by Labour North for suspected fraud, corruption and maladministration.

Since Alahbama John’s defeat at the elections in May 2008, Ugly Betty has gradually sleptsquirmed her way back into the in-crowd and has become best friends with councillor Anglin Bilbo Baggins. She’s also been given the chair of the Human Resources Committee which carries a special responsibility allowance.

Apparently Miss Piggy told Ugly Betty that under his regime he’s going to wrestle the power of senior appointments away from Irene Lucas and her minions and put it back in the hands of councillors.

Mr Monkey has now learned that Miss Piggy, aka Ian Malcolm is set to complete her rehabilitation by rewarding Ugly Betty with a place in his new look cabinet in May. Miss Piggy has told his close associates that he sees her as an ideal replacement for Bill ‘the buffoon’ Brady who currently holds the Equality and Diversity portfolio – something to do with reclaiming the Asian vote and reckons Ugly Betty is loved and respected by the Bengali community in Beacon and Bents, apparently that’s what his ex female companion Julie told him.

This chimp reckons that Ugly Betty has already spent the £10,000 and will be finishing off her nose job. Apparently her arse has more meat on it these days now that it doesn’t get as much exercise so the surgeons should be able to get a full nose out of it this time.

05
Mar
09

Potts Bats For Both Sides .. And Not Just Politically

'Love is in the air'

'Love is in the air'

For months the King of Sleaze, councillor David Potts has been obsessed with unmasking the chimp behind Mr Monkey’s Blog.

Poor old Pudgy Face - little did he know that he came within a whisker of revealing the person behind the monkey on Tuesday night when he and his male ‘friend’ enjoyed an intimate meal at  Brunnelos No 5 restaurant, above the Wheatsheaf pub in Boldon.

Mr Monkey nearly choked on his starter when The King of Sleaze and his male companion entered the restaurant. They had a couple of pre-dinner drinks before siting down for their meal. They left about an hour later but Mr Monkey couldn’t see whether they were holding hands or not.

It seems councillor Potts has alot more in common with council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy than this chimp first thought – they’re both fond of faggots.

01
Mar
09

Monkey Clip

This week’s Monkey Clip is dedicated to councillor ‘Big’ Ed Malcolm who made a total fuck up of presenting Labour’s budget proposals at Thursday’s full council meeting.

Apparently he struggled to get his words out and was thrown off his stride when Aunt Sally, aka Olive Punchion his long term slapper brought him a glass of water.

28
Feb
09

twat of the week

"TWAT OF THE WEEK"

"TWAT OF THE WEEK"

Mr Monkey should have known that finding a ‘Twat of The Week’ was always going to be difficult once this picture of David ‘Birdman’ MacLean appeared, CLICK HERE. 

What this chimp didn’t realise was that there would be so many twats worthy of the title.

Contenders for this coveted award are:

  • Karen Allen - for thinking a Tory has a chance of getting elected in South Shields.
  • John Szymanski - for handing over editorial control of the Shields Gazette to his paymaster Iain Malcolm.
  • The King of Sleaze, David Potts - for presenting the Tories budget whilst pissed.
  • ‘Big’ Ed Malcolm - for confirming what the world already knows; he’s a blithering, stuttering idiot with the intelligence of a slug.
  • The Patron Slut of Sailors, aka Audrey McMillan - who this week realised there’s no local election until 2010.
  • Wilma Waggott, aka Linda - for remembering she represets Boldon Colliery and not Bede.
  • Victor ‘is anyone home’ Thompson - for remembering what day of the week full council is held on.
  • Mr Miserable, aka Tom Defty - for confirming what everyone knew, he’s joined the Real Independents because George ‘Red Rum’ Elsom promised to pay for his Christmas cards.
  • Vodka Lil, aka Eileen Leask - for listening to council leader Iain Malcolm who convinced her to resign as a governor of Bamburgh School.

and the winner is .. Big Ed Malcolm.

26
Feb
09

Aunt Sally Speaks!

'Aunt Sally scares anyone but Big Ed Malcolm'

'Aunt Sally scares anyone but Big Ed Malcolm'

Big Ed Malcolm’s scarecrow councillor Olive Punchion, aka Aunt Sally is not the dumb bitch she’s made out to be. At least that’s what the council’s press office would like you to think. 

According to this article that appears in the local snooze paper CLICK HERE Biddick Hall, Whiteleas and West Harton is the latest area to get its own Police and Community Together (Pact) forum and Aunt Sally had this to say,

“The council works closely with the police and other partners to tackle crime and anti-social behaviour, but we can achieve nothing without the involvement of those who matter the most – local residents.” 

Anyone who knows Aunt Sally will tell you that this crap cannot have originated in her favourite cornfield (more of this later) because the old scarecrow is just not capable of churning out such words of wisdom.
Thank heavens for the council’s press office, the local Labour party would be lost without it. 
20
Feb
09

The King of Sleaze – David Potts is back!

"The King of Sleaze is back"

"The King of Sleaze is back"

Seems the double dealing twat, The King of Sleaze, councillor David Potts has surfaced from his sleazy bolt hole long enough to condemn the council’s bi monthly magazine; On View.

Apparently Pudgy Face Potts reckons it’s huge waste of taxpayers money and should be scrapped. Mr Monkey can’t help wondering whether Tory Boy Potts has a short memory, is just plain stupid or was born a fuckwit.

Mama’s boy seems to have forgotten that he was responsible for setting an all time record for a councillor’s travel expenses. He conned claimed nearly £2500 in first class rail journeys to travel to and from Cambridge where he reckons to have been studying. CLICK HERE and HERE.

He’s renowned for using the fact he’s a councillor to scrounge his way into nightclubs, private parties and events that cost money with his “do you know who I am” con.

Now Mr Monkey learns that he was bought off cheaply is eternally grateful to his sponsor Miss Piggy, aka councillor Iain Malcolm for giving him a place at the trough.

Apparently Miss Piggy gave him the position of Vice Chair of the Select Committee Environment, Housing and Transport and Safer and Stronger Communities which carries with it an annual payment of £7,056.

This chimp has taken a closer look at this committee and can reveal that it’s only met 6 times since May 2008 – that’s equal to £1,176 per meeting.

But as with all things connected to the King of Sleaze, nothing is ever what it seems. Councillor Potts has only attended 3 out of the 6 meetings so his price is £2,352 per meeting.

Now that’s what Mr Monkey calls a waste of money.




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