Archive for the 'Taxpayer' Category


how much does an independent alliance councillor cost the taxpayer?

It seems that despite councillors Jane and Allan Branley’s refusal to claim allowances and expenses their Indy Alliance colleagues have claimed £41,162. 

Mr Monkey was surprised to learn that councillor Victor Thompson has followed the example of the other Westoe councillors and has not claimed his allowance – well done councillor Thompson. 

When Mr Monkey applied his how much do they cost the taxpayer test to the Indy Alliance the results show that they are the group that costs the taxpayer the least. 

Judging by the figures it seems that the Indy Alliance are the only group who haven’t sold their souls to Miss Piggy for 30 pieces of silver and can legitimately claim to not to have been bought. 

But will they be able to resist the lure of gold in 2009? 






  Weekly Cost 

J. Branley

A. Khan




A. Branley

G. Finch




V. Thompson




G. White




G. Waddle






J. Hodgson






S. Harrison

















The cost of each Independent Alliance councillor to the taxpayer in 2008 – 09 was just £4,573.55


prohibtion or punishing the innocent?

'Beat the taxman, brew your own'

'Beat the taxman, brew your own'

It seems the similarities between today’s economic downturn and the great depression of the 1930’s are becoming more obvious by the day and following Sir Liam Donaldson’s (the chief medicalofficer) announcement on Friday about dramatically increasing the price of a unit of alcohol to allegedly curb binge drinking Mr Monkey reckons Nu-Labour are well on the way to matching that other great achievement of the 1920s and 30s; prohibition.

Anyone with an iota of sense knew that the health lobby were’nt going to stop at cigarettes. It took them long enough to get to the stage where smokers are now treated as pariahs, but they got there. Now, with tax on the things high and getting higher, the cancer sticks being banned from pubs, clubs, workplaces etc., advertising banned, health care services denied to those that won’t give up, patronising ads on TV et al to tell us to stop smoking by making people feel like war criminals if they still light up… the campaign has been templated, noted and laid out to follow in future. The only question is which of the two issues will be battered first? Fast Food, or Drink.

So, Sir Liam Donaldson, with the undoubted patronising acquiescence of the BBC, put forward his agenda on Friday. It isn’t too much of hearing stories like the one where a mother was stopped from buying a bottle of wine in case she gave it to her 14 year old daughter who was food shopping with her. If it isn’t that whatever tax or levy is put on the stuff, the drinks cabinet at the British Medical Association or the House of Commons will probably be liberally stocked, and lightly taxed, and also subsidised in the worst way by the taxpaying saps who will be victims of any policy. If it isn’t because the state believes they need to save us from ourselves, so we can fund their nonsensical bailout policies. No, Sir Liam believes that alcohol should have a minimum price based on the alcohol units in a drink.

The people will rebel on this one, because the vast majority of us like a drink. Mr Monkey included.

Do you know what, this chimp admits being drunk in his time and …

  • You know how many people he’s beaten up or knifed when drunk?
  • You know how many times he’s been to hospital as a result of being drunk?
  • You know how many times he’s been arrested for being of being drunk?

The answer is zero.

Apparently Sir Liam is proposing, in ever such an egalitarian way that because some people have a drink problem and behave like reprobates and cads, and despite having laws to stop them, if they are enforced properly, because of them, you want to punish everyone.

Thank fuck there’s an election looming, Labour’s fear of being cast into the wilderness should put an end to this fuckwit idea – at least for now but Mr Monkey predicts that tough measures to limit the sale of alcohol are on the way.


the audit commission gives council top marks for losing £10 million

'Rewarding failure'

'Rewarding failure'

Council leader Iain Malcolm Miss Piggy and the borough’s Dominatrix, Irene Lucas might want to put their celebrations on hold following last week’s announcement by the Audit Commission that South Tyneside Council is rated a 4 star authority.

Mr Monkey has learned that the Audit Commission and it’s inspectors have become a laughing stock after they announced that Cambridge City Council won top marks for sound financial management and value for money – despite investing £9 million in Icelandic banks and a potential loss of £618,000 on Cambridge Folk Festival ticket sales.

The top score of four marks was awarded by the Audit Commission for the council’s use of resources and it was one of the 13 top performers in the country.

The award focused on strategic financial management, sound governance, effective financial reporting and giving taxpayers value for money.

Council leader Cllr Ian Nimmo-Smith said: “The Audit Commission is aware of the financial issues in relation to the Icelandic deposits, which affect many councils, and the Folk Festival tickets. I can’t say to what extent they have been taken into account.”

He added: “I’m very pleased the successful way which we run things in Cambridge has been recognised by the Audit Commission. This endorses the recent survey results that showed that residents in Cambridge rated the city council as providing value for- money services at a higher level than other districts in the county.”

At the recent budget setting meeting, Cllr Lewis Herbert, Labour group leader, likened the Liberal Democrats’ management of council finances to a “road crash” with Cllr Nimmo- Smith at the wheel.

He said the Icelandic investment and Folk Festival losses, after an internet ticket sales company went into liquidation, were “self-inflicted”. He said he was surprised the council still received a four-star rating.

He added: “Losing £9 million in Icelandic investments and over £1 million in interest and the Folk Festival tickets represents a shocking failure of the council’s control systems.”

For the second year running, the finance and value for money element of the inspection gave the county council the top score of four.

Cllr John Reynolds, cabinet member for corporate services, said: “I am delighted that our inspection found that the way we manage our budget and spend council taxpayers’ money is of the highest order. We continue to work within an extremely tight financial climate but this score shows we are among the best councils in the country when it comes to financial management.”

These weaknesses are now most evident. For a Council to be declared “excellent” in the same week that it cuts services and raises taxes, and in the same year that it slashes staff pay, is crazy.

The Council have released a special issue of their staff newsletter to congratulate everyone on the achievement.

At the top of the list of high performing services are the Revenues and Benefits service, who deal with Council Tax payments and the administration of benefits to the needy. They too have received a top 4 star rating and yet a mixture of bad laws, bad government and crazy local decision making has seen many of the staff in that department lose a crushingly large proportion of their salary this year.

There’s nothing about this in the congratulatory press releases issued by the Council, the Audit Commission and the government.

Mr Monkey can’t help wondering what South Tyneside is hiding?


Well Done Joe The Printer

Mr Monkey tips his hat to Liberal Democrat councillor Joe Abbott for confirming what most of us already know; On View, the council’s spin machine magazine is a waste of money.

According to this piece in the Shields Gazette, Malcolm Fanzine, CLICK HERE councillor Abbott welcomes the proposal to reduce the number of the council’s On View magazines published each year from six to five – saving £20,000. But he reckons the council should reduce the number further and said: “Why not make it a quarterly? Many residents put it straight in the bin anyway.” 

Seems the Liberal Democrats have realised that On View is nothing more than an expensive  ‘hobby horse’ for Irene Lucas and at the same time she’s allowed it to become the ruling Labour group’s unofficial magazine. How else can you explain why every edition is swamped with articles and photographs of Labour councillors, activists and their relatives?

Mr Monkey reckons that councillor Abbot deserves credit for his comments but thinks that he didn’t go far enough – come on Joe it’s time to bin On View for good.

Spending £120,000 per year on council and Labour party propaganda is unacceptable when the same people are proposing to hike the cost of meals provided at luncheon clubs and daycare centres from £2.80 to £3.80 and also plan increasing the cost of council home-care services from £9.80 to £10.80 an hour.

This chimp wonders whether anybody in the chief executive’s or leader’s office has a conscience?


EXCLUSIVE: South Tyneside Council Lends £122 Million To Banks

Earlier this week Mr Monkey exclusively revealed that South Tyneside Council had invested money in Icelandic banks, CLICK HERE but withdrew it before the system collapsed.

Mr Mr Monkey can now exclusively reveal that South Tyneside Council regularly plays the money markets and loves risking taxpayers money on the world’s financial markets.

Currently South Tyneside Council has lend around £122 million of our money to various banks and financial institutions around the world. In return the council receives interest on the money it lends – the higher the interest – the greater the risk.

Here’s a list of who the council has lent money to:-

Barclays Bank – £10 million
Lloyds TSB – £3 million
National Australia Bank – £3 million
Allied Irish Bank – £10 million
Bank of Ireland – £10 million
Anglo Irish Bank – £5 million
Nationwide Building Society – £10 million
EBS Building Society – £8 million
Bank of Scotland – £9 million
Alliance and Leicester – £200,000
Abbey National – £3 million
Natwest SIBA – £5.78 million
Standard Life Money Market Fund – £8 million
DEPFA Bank – £2 million
Unicredito Italiano – £10 million
Coventry Building Society – £10 million
Chelsea Building Society – £10 million
Leeds Building Society – £5 million

Mr Monkey would like to remind the fuckwits in the town hall that the world’s money markets are in chaos and the banking system is on the verge of collapse – it’s time you stopped playing the financial markets before you bankrupt the borough and find yourselves behind bars.


EXCLUSIVE: South Tyneside Council Invested in Icelandic Banks?

Someone in the town hall decided to leave a copy of the confidential green paper report presented to last week’s cabinet meeting lying about in the corridor outside the reception room.

Mr Monkey thanks this kind hearted individual for his or her generosity, without it the public would never have known what Mr Monkey is about to reveal.

Green paper reports are supposed to be confidential and are usually discussed behind closed doors with no press or public in attendance.

South Tyneside Council uses green paper reports to hide potentially embarrassing information from the public on the pretext of; it’s not in the public interest, data protection and commercial sensitivity. Mr Monkey believes that this is a ruse to hide the truth from the public.

This latest green paper is a quarterly financial report updating members on some of the financial dealings of the council. Mr Monkey reckons that whoever left it lying about did so intentionally in the hope that it would get into the public domain. Alternatively it could have been left behind by some senile old fool that couldn’t remember what day of the week it was.

Unlike Miss Piggy, council leader Iain Malcolm and the Dominatrix, Irene Lucas, Mr Monkey believes that the public have a right to know how their money is being used – it’s not commercially sensitive, it’s accountability.

Mr Monkey can exclusively reveal that South Tyneside Council did risk ratepayers money by depositing some of it in Icelandic banks. But it did manage to withdraw it before the collapse of the Icelandic banking system.

Mr Monkey is concerned that if those charged with looking after our money were prepared to take this level of risk where else have they invested our money – short term money markets for instance.


South Shields To Get Free Parking

Seems Labour’s half witted attempts at kick starting the economy have as much chance of succeeding as Iain Malcolm has of fucking a woman.

Locally the reduction in VAT will do absolutely nothing to stimulate the town centre and looking at the number of shoppers in King Street earlier today it’s going to be a long hard winter for the retail sector.

Like most people in South Tyneside, Mr Monkey is pissed off with the council’s rip off mentality when it comes to charging for things such as car parking. It’s now accepted that car parking charges affects the choice of shopping venues with potential shoppers preferring to shop were parking is free.

Mr Monkey reckons it’s time South Tyneside Council did it’s bit for the local economy and instead of milking the public for everything it can, it’s time to give something back to the cash strapped public.

Come on Miss Piggy ‘do your bit’ – show us you care by allowing free car parking for a maximum of 3 hours every Saturday and on market days between now and Christmas?


Town Hall To Be Demolished

For Sale?

For Sale?

Mr Monkey recently heard rumours that the council was secretly looking at ways of disposing of it’s buildings to raise extra cash. It turns out that they’re not the only ones!

It seems this latest money making scam is being actively discussed by a number of councils who think they can get away with selling older public buildings on efficiency and environmental grounds.

This is what one council had to say, 

“In order to save a considerable amount of money, our century-old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more energy-efficient building. The old town hall is too small to comfortably accommodate the number of people who are employed by the town. In addition, it is very costly to heat the old hall in winter and cool it in summer. The new, larger building would be more energy efficient, costing less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall. Furthermore, it would be possible to rent out some of the space in the new building, thereby generating income for the town”.

Seems everything has a price these days … how much for your mother Iain?


Pressure Grows On Malcolm

Council leader Iain Malcolm’s role in the murky financial dealings at Newcastle Airport is coming under increased scrutiny.

Peter Atkinson, the Conservative MP for Hexham is now calling on the Government and the Audit Commission to probe the out of court settlement, CLICK HERE. Mr Atkinson is the second MP to demand answers.

So far David Miliband, MP for South Shields and Stephen Hepburn, MP for Jarrow have remained tight lipped about the controversial deal which resulted in two former employees recieveing a massive £8.5 million pay day. The deal which was approved by Iain Malcolm and South Tyneside Council has since been renegotiated in an out of court settlement, but both South Tyneside Council and Iain Malcolm have steadfastly refused to comment using commercial sensitivity and confidentiality as the basis for the silence.

The calls for an independent investigation continue to grow and Mr Monkey predicts that one of the first tasks for the new Conservative Government will be to order an enquiry in to this murky affair, especially if a certain David Miliband becomes the Labour leader.

Could this be the beginning of the end for councillor Iain Malcolm? Lets hope so, the borough would be a much better place without him!


Monkey Clip

It’s been a tough week for council leader Iain Malcolm.

Since news of the multi-million pound pay off to 2 former friends colleagues at Newcastle Airport broke, his role in this murky affair has come under close media scrutiny.

In addition to sitting on the main Newcastle Airport Board, councillor Iain Malcolm sat on the remuneration panel which approved the £8.5 million payout to 2 fellow board members; the former Chief Executive and Director of Finance.

This week a number of other councils who own shares in Newcastle Airport and whose members appointed Iain Malcolm to the main airport board have called for a full public investigation, councillor Malcolm’s resignation and for South Tyneside Council to be stripped of it’s lead authority role.

In a gesture of sympathy, Mr Monkey has decided to dedicate this week’s Monkey Clip to the embattled leader of South Tyneside Council, councillor Iain Malcolm.  

Although his airport problem won’t go away at least he’ll be able to console himself by having a wank relaxing whilst he watches this hunk in action.

CLICK HERE and keep the tissues handy!

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