Archive for the 'Terry Haram' Category


how much does a real independent councillor cost the taxpayer?

Today it’ the turn of the 2 Real Independent councillors to face Mr Monkey’s how much do they cost the taxpayer test. 

This group of 2 – lead by councillor ‘Red Rum’ Elsom have a reputation for changing their political allegiances depending on who pays them the most which way the wind blows so don’t be surprised to see a substantial increase next year the run up to the 2010 elections – Miss piggy will need allies and what better way than to buy them he can count on.

   Name   Allowances     Travel



   Weekly Cost   







G. Elsom






  T. Haram  










The cost of each Real Indepenedent councillor to the taxpayer in 2008 -09 was £9,404.


twat of the week



Mr Monkey should have known that finding a ‘Twat of The Week’ was always going to be difficult once this picture of David ‘Birdman’ MacLean appeared, CLICK HERE. 

What this chimp didn’t realise was that there would be so many twats worthy of the title.

Contenders for this coveted award are:

  • Karen Allen – for thinking a Tory has a chance of getting elected in South Shields.
  • John Szymanski – for handing over editorial control of the Shields Gazette to his paymaster Iain Malcolm.
  • The King of Sleaze, David Potts – for presenting the Tories budget whilst pissed.
  • ‘Big’ Ed Malcolm – for confirming what the world already knows; he’s a blithering, stuttering idiot with the intelligence of a slug.
  • The Patron Slut of Sailors, aka Audrey McMillan – who this week realised there’s no local election until 2010.
  • Wilma Waggott, aka Linda – for remembering she represets Boldon Colliery and not Bede.
  • Victor ‘is anyone home’ Thompson – for remembering what day of the week full council is held on.
  • Mr Miserable, aka Tom Defty – for confirming what everyone knew, he’s joined the Real Independents because George ‘Red Rum’ Elsom promised to pay for his Christmas cards.
  • Vodka Lil, aka Eileen Leask – for listening to council leader Iain Malcolm who convinced her to resign as a governor of Bamburgh School.

and the winner is .. Big Ed Malcolm.


Red Rum Hands The Reigns To Lurch

Councillor George ‘Red Rum’ Elsom the fuckwit whose hobbies include climbing into wheelie bins in the dead of night has been told by his doctor to cut out the sunbeds because it’s frying his brain.

Although he’s taken his doctors advise Red Rum is worried that he could end up looking like a grey gelding at the Grand National.

Olive, his long suffering filly has stepped in and managed to persuade him to take a trip down under in a last ditched attempt to convince him that he’s not past it. Whilst the rest of us put up with Arctic conditions, Red Rum is suning himself down under and was last seen climbing into rbbish bins in the outback.

Before he left, Red Rum handed over the reigns of the Real Independent Party to his lackey councillor Terry Haram, aka the Whiteleas Lurch.

Mr Monkey can’t help wondering what Lurch is going to do without Red Rum other than argue with himself in the bathroom mirror. Although he could kick the borough’s political whore, Paul Walker, about for the next 4 weeks but he’d have to pry him away from the grasp of the Witches of West Park, aka the Ugly Sisters.


Shame On You – You’re A Disgrace

Today is Holocaust Memorial Day.

Yes January 27th is the day when people throughout the world remember the victims of the Nazi Holocaust and of more recent genocides in Cambodia, Darfur, Bosnia, Rwanda, Iraq and Palestine.

Numerous ceremonies to remember the victims of these atrocities have taken place up and down the country including here in South Tyneside where each year the Mayor hosts a ceremony on behalf of the people of the borough to make the occasion.

Apparently today’s guests included a select band of children, members of the public, church goers, a few council officers, a handful of councillors and the usual band of Labour party activists – Mr Monkey is still waiting for details of these scrounging bastards but can confirm that Pat Morris and Jack Brown were seen loitering around the buffet table.

The ceremony itself apparently included several readings, recitals, a prayer, and a few words (via letters) from our local MP’s. There was also a flower laying and candle lighting ceremony.

Mr Monkey can confirm that although today’s ceremony was well attended it seems most councillors, executive directors of the council and business leaders couldn’t be bothered to turn up.

According to a source inside the town hall only 11 councillors out of a possible 54 had the decency to make an appearance, these included: councillors Alex Donaldson, John Anglin, Peter Boyack, Jim Foreman, Ahmed Khan, Jane Branley, Joan Meeks, Tom Piggot, Jimmy Sewell, Ernest Gibson and Alan Kerr.

Notable absences included the Chuckle Brothers, aka Ian and Ed Malcolm, Michael Clare, Bill Brady (Lead Member for Equality and Diversity), Tracy Dixon, Joanne Bell, Audrey McMillan, Linda Waggott, Barry Scorer, John McCabe, Jim Perry and Tom Hanson.

The King of Sleaze Tory Boy David Potts and his two stooges Wood and Millburn, all three Liberal Democrats, the two representatives of the We’ve Finally Made Our Mind Up Party Real Independents councillors Lurch and Red Rum Haram and Elsom plus their new lackey Tom Defty were all conspicuous by their absence.

Apparently the Progressives didn’t bother turning up because they still think its 1986.

Mr Monkey reckons that each and every one of you lazy bastards who couldn’t be bothered to turn up should hang your heads in shame – in the words of the King of Sleaze .. “you’re a disgrace”.


UPDATE: Is Mr Tits In A Spot of Bother?

UPDATE: Following revelations that senior Labour councillor and deputy leader of the council Alan Kerr is Mr Tits, this chimp can reveal that council leader Iain Malcolm and chief executive Irene Lucas are treating the allegations seriously.

Apparently the matter is being investigated by the local Standards Committee so we can all take it easy in the knowledge that they’ll do what’s right .. FOR IAIN MALCOLM AND THE LOCAL LABOUR PARTY.

Anyone familiar with the Standards Committee will know that Labour have an in built majority and that the ‘Independent’ Chairman is none other than Labour sympathiser Bill Darling – so that’s alright then!


Twat of The Year

Accident ... George Elsom.

'Twat of the Year'

Only someone with the political nous of slug would think that falling out of wheelie bin and cracking your collar bone would make you an environmentalist – unless your name is George Elsom.

Having just read this CLICK HERE this chimp hasn’t stopped laughing at the antics of councillor Elsom. He’s just publicly confirmed what most people already know; he’s a fucking crackpot!

And there’s Mr Monkey thinking that all the fuckwits are hiding the Green Party.

What next George, councillor Haram to turn vegan?


The Brady Crunch!

Labour councillor Bill Brady, the ageing buffoon who represents Whitelees has had a week from hell.

Sources close to ‘Bumbling Bill’ are worried about his erratic behaviour and fear for his safety following two car accidents in a week. 

His first adventure involved crashing into an ambulance. If that wasn’t enough excitement he decided to cross swords with a bin wagon later in the week.

Thankfully no one was hurt in either crash but Mr Monkey wonders what it’s done to Bill’s confidence when he’s behind the wheel.

Mr Monkey reckons it’s about time he underwent a medical examination before being allowed back on the road before he causes a serious accident resulting in injury or even death.

Based on Bumbling Bill’s recent adventures his licence should be confiscated now.

Perhaps some one should remind Bill that at his age he should be playing bingo, doing jigsaws, eating scones, trying to keep his teeth in, telling stories about the good all days, controling his bladder and covering up the smell of his own piss.

What the hell was the Leader of the Council, Iain Malcolm’s thinking of when he decided to give Bumbling Bill the Equality and Diversity portfollio in his so called new look dynamic cabinet? Unless of course he needed to include a blithering old fart to enusre political correctness!

Nostalgia, poor judgement or plain old blackmail? Does Bumbling Bill have something on the Malcolms?

Councillor Brady and some of the Malcolms spent many years in the coal industry and Mr Monkey recalls several financial scandals involving the Malcolm’s, including missing welfare funds. Mr Monkey can’t help wondering how much Bumbling Bill really knows.

Whatever the real reason, Mr Monkey has been told that Iain Malcolm intends to rid his cabinet of it’s ‘liabilities’ in the run up to the 2010 local elections and it seems that councillors Brady, McAtominey and Sewell are at the top of his hit-list.

RSS The Journal Latest ..

  • An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.

RSS The Chronicle .. Latest

  • An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.

RSS Shields Gazette .. Latest

  • An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.

RSS Town Hall Spin ..

  • An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.

RSS Latest Traffic News

  • An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.