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So the worst kept secret in the South Shields Conservative party is out – Karen Allen has been selected as the Tory candidate to challenge ‘numb nuts’ Miliband at the next general election.

Mr Monkey would like to offer his congratulations to Karen for getting the nomination and for stopping The King of Sleaze, aka Tory Boy David Potts from being thrust on the good people of South Shields.

Apparently ‘local’ lass Karen is relishing the prospect of fighting her first election campaign in her home town, but as with most politicians, everything is not what it seems.

Karen is was a local lass until she moved to London in 2001 to study. She never returned to the North East, insteaed she stayed in London and got herself a well paid ‘city’ job with Lloyds of London.

Mr Monkey has no problem with this but don’t con people into thinking your something you’re not; a local lass. If you work in London – and if Mr Monkey’s sucpisions are right – you probably own a house in London, you must live in London.

Mr Monkey reckons she ‘s one of those people who will use her ‘working class’ roots here in South Shields to suit her needs and will keep ramming it down our throats until the election.

But this chimp reckons that since 2001 she spent less and less time in South Shields and now only returns for birthdays, weddings, christenings, funerals and Christmases – until now!

All that is about to change – at least until the general election as she tries to con the people of South Shields into thinking she’s the girl next door. But Mr Monkey reckons her new found love for Shields will be short lived; she’s not going to win the seat and will disappear back to London the day after the election.

At least Karen is set to bring some glamour to the local political scene and it’ll make a pleasant change from looking at all those wizened old ugly bitches in the Labour party.


Monkey Clip

This week’s Monkey Clip is dedicated to all those South Tyneside councillors who love nothing better than a tart with their pint – and the rougher the better.


Mr Monkey Humours Councillor Potts – The King of Sleaze

Bloggers will remember The King of Sleaze’s lackey, the Fat Mackem Hobbit getting his cloak in a twist when Mr Monkey revealed that he knew his hero, South Tyneside’s top totty magnet Tory politician, councillor David Potts was lying when he claimed that his girlfriend was pregnant.

According to the Hobbit, the whole thing was an eleboarte hoax dreamt up by the King of Sleaze to see how quickly Mr Monkey would hear about it and whether or not he would corroborate the story. Sadly for this wannabee James Bond when Mr Monkey heard about Pudgy Face’s scam misfortune he knew immediately that it was another pathetic hoax – yes he’s tried the same thing several times before – but this time Mr Monkey thought he’d play along.

Anyone who knows this Tory slime ball will tell you he’s incapable of tying his shoe laces, never mind getting some unsuspecting lass pregnant. If that wasn’t enough to convince Mr Monkey, the ‘happy’ couple’s choice of name was a certain giveaway; apparently they intended saddling Tory Boy’s ‘fantasy bastard’ with the name Mercedes.

Mr Monkey first heard about councillor Potts fantasy from one of Tory Boy’s close associates; about a week before his toilet talk reached the members lounge. By this time the whole world knew about it and it just shows what typeof person people think councillor Potts is when so many of them readily believed that he was capable of shitting on his girlfriend.

If The King of Sleaze is stupid enough to start rumours about himself, Mr Monkey is more than happy to oblige his fantasies by telling the rest of the world about them – if things get too hot to handle, he’s only got himself to blame.