Archive for the 'Transgender' Category

21
Jul
09

mr monkey calls it a day

'Mr Monkey calls it a day so he can go home'

'Mr Monkey calls it a day so he can return home to enjoy his retirement'

It’s been nearly a year since Mr Monkey burst on to the local political scene with the redesigned version of Mr Monkey’s Blog

.. and what a year it’s been.

This chimp had no idea of the effect his blog would have on politicians of all parties and senior council officers or the impact it would have on local politcs.

Mr Monkey quickly built up a following amongst local bloggers and within weeks, Mr Monkey’s Blog established itself as South Tyneside’s premier blog, much to the annoyance of some.

There have been many highlights during the last 12 months but Mr Monkey’s favourites are:-

  • Ending councillor David Potts political career before it started by getting him deselected as the Tory candidate to fight Alistair Darling.
  • Ensuring that the people of Washington East and Houghton knew what a devious and scheming individual Ed Malcom was. This played a major part  in his failure to become their prospective member of Parliament.
  • Exposing council leader Iain Malcolm as an election fraudster.
  • Knowing that Irene Lucas, the Chief Executive of South Tyneside Council could not control, manipulate or stop Mr Monkey and that his blog was the worst thing that happened to her in her local government career.
  • Knowing that every politician feared being exposed on Mr Monkey’s Blog and despite what they said, knowing that everyone of them read it daily.
  • Exposing Ed Malcolm’s long term affair with his ‘granny’, aka councillor Punchion
  • ‘Outing’ Iain Malcolm.
  • Continually thwarting the attempts of senior council officials to stop Mr Monkey’s Blog and reveal the identity of Mr Monkey.
  • Frustrating South Tyneside’s most self opinionated blogger, the Fat Mackem Hobitt.
  • Exposing Papa John Szymanski, editor of the local Malcolm Fanzine, aka the Shields Gazette as a Labour groupie, freeloader and that he sold his soul to Labour for the price of a sausage roll.
  • Knowing that all the pseudonyms Mr Monkey has used will be around for years to come.

After achieving every goal Mr Monkey set himself – in record time – this chimp has decided to give his victims an early birthday present – Mr Monkey is going to call it a day on Thursday 30th July.

Mr Monkey has spent the last couple of months agonising over whether or not to retire and after talking it over with a few wiser chimps, he’s decided to take their advice and return to the jungle to enjoy his retirement and spend more time with his family.

Although Mr Monkey has decided to call it a day, he hasn’t yet made up his mind about whether to leave Mr Monkey’s Blog on the internet for future generations to enjoy or whether to remove it forever – that decision will be made on International Primate Day.

Make sure you stop by on Tuesday 1st September .. when all will be revealed.

08
Mar
09

comment moderation on until 9pm tonight

Comment moderation is now on until 9pm tonight so your comments will only be seen by Mr Monkey and will need to be approved by him before they appear on his blog.

By activating comment moderation, Mr Monkey is allowing people to say things directly to him and in private – it’s just like sending him an e-mail.

Here are a few basic rules to ensure your privacy:

  • If you don’t want Mr Monkey to make any reference to you or your details please start your comment with the word CONFIDENTIAL.
  • If you’re happy for Mr Monkey to make reference to your comment but don’t want to be identified start you comment with the word PRIVATE.
  • If you’re worried about your privacy use a fictious name and e-mail address and use someone else’s computer.
  • NEVER USE A WORK COMPUTER IF YOU WANT TO SAY SOMETHING IN CONFIDENCE TO MR MONKEY, YOU CAN BE TRACED.

Don – its now safe to send that information you mentioned earlier in the week.

John – did you find those photographs you said you had?

05
Mar
09

Potts Bats For Both Sides .. And Not Just Politically

'Love is in the air'

'Love is in the air'

For months the King of Sleaze, councillor David Potts has been obsessed with unmasking the chimp behind Mr Monkey’s Blog.

Poor old Pudgy Face – little did he know that he came within a whisker of revealing the person behind the monkey on Tuesday night when he and his male ‘friend’ enjoyed an intimate meal at  Brunnelos No 5 restaurant, above the Wheatsheaf pub in Boldon.

Mr Monkey nearly choked on his starter when The King of Sleaze and his male companion entered the restaurant. They had a couple of pre-dinner drinks before siting down for their meal. They left about an hour later but Mr Monkey couldn’t see whether they were holding hands or not.

It seems councillor Potts has alot more in common with council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy than this chimp first thought – they’re both fond of faggots.

29
Jan
09

What A Waste Of Money Ed .. ith

Reports reaching Mr Monkey suggest that councillor Ed .. ith Malcolm seems to have pissed her his money down the drain in pursuit of her his political ambitions.

Apparently Ed .. ith was taking elocution lessons so that she could speak ‘proper’ when it came to making her his maiden speech in Westminster. Unfortunately the dozy half of the Chuckle Brothers never made it past the first hurdle and her his efforts were thwarted by Labour North who decided to impose an all women’s shortlist on the Houghton and Washington East constituency to keep this scheming bastard out. Despite her his protests they discovered she had a dick and would therefore have to withdraw.

Ed .. ith has now been relegated to doing her his proper job – making a twat of her himself as lead member for resources. Apparently the Indy Alliance asked a series of searching questions at last week’s full council which seemed to have confused the fuck out of her him and turned her him into a blubbering wreck. He didn’t even manage a stutter.

Mr Monkey reckons that with this fuckwit in charge of the council’s finance we’re likelyto see more financial black holes than a galaxy far, far away.

21
Jan
09

It’s Not Too Late Ed..ith

Thwarted ... Ed Malcolm.

Councillor Ed..ith Malcolm

Seems councillor Ed..ith Malcolm is down in the dumps today after learning that her his bid to become an MP has been thwarted by Mr Monkey.

Apparently Labour North decided that the only way to stop Ed..ith grabbing the seat was to impose an all women’s shortlist on Fraser Kemps Houghton and Washington East constituency.

Mr Monkey reckons Labour North will still need to keep an eye on Ed..ith though – don’t be surprised if she he suddenly has a sex change.

Lets face it, the dirty bastard already acts like an old woman so having his bollocks removed won’t make much difference.

14
Jan
09

‘Big’ Ed Malcolm and His Kilt

South Tyneside’s answer to The Chuckle Brothers, councillors Iain and Ed Malcolm seem obsessed with re-discovering their Scottish roots.

In September Mr Monkey revealed that council leader Miss Piggy, aka Iain Malcolm was partial to a bit of weekend cottaging after he bought a hideaway in Hawick in the Scottish Borders. CLICK HERE.

Not to be out done by his brother, ‘Big’ Ed Malcolm the wannabee MP for Houghton and Washington East decided to get in on the act and recently bought himself a kilt – not just in any tartan but a Clan Malcolm tartan.

When word reached the members lounge his collegaues pissed themselves laughing especially at the thought of ‘Big’ Ed in a kilt with his deformed size 3 feet stuck on the end of his short bandy legs. One senior Labour councillor who likes a wee dram reckons Ed is determined to beat Red Rumcouncillor George Elsom to the title of Twat of the Year.

But Mr Monkey reckons Ed’s purchase had more to do with winning a few extra votes in the old County Durham pit villages of the Houghton and Washington East Parliamentary constituency than his desire to rekindle his Scottish roots.

It seems this gesture could be is a last ditched attempt to persuade former miners and their families – many of whom have Scottish roots – to vote for him in the upcoming selection ballot.

21
Dec
08

Monkey Clip

As it’s nearly Christmas Mr Monkey thought it’s time he showed a little bit of Christmas spirit so he’s dedicating this week’s Monkey Clip to Council Leader Iain Malcolm – a man in denial.

CLICK HERE and enjoy.