Archive for the 'Transvestite' Category

08
Mar
09

comment moderation on until 9pm tonight

Comment moderation is now on until 9pm tonight so your comments will only be seen by Mr Monkey and will need to be approved by him before they appear on his blog.

By activating comment moderation, Mr Monkey is allowing people to say things directly to him and in private – it’s just like sending him an e-mail.

Here are a few basic rules to ensure your privacy:

  • If you don’t want Mr Monkey to make any reference to you or your details please start your comment with the word CONFIDENTIAL.
  • If you’re happy for Mr Monkey to make reference to your comment but don’t want to be identified start you comment with the word PRIVATE.
  • If you’re worried about your privacy use a fictious name and e-mail address and use someone else’s computer.
  • NEVER USE A WORK COMPUTER IF YOU WANT TO SAY SOMETHING IN CONFIDENCE TO MR MONKEY, YOU CAN BE TRACED.

Don – its now safe to send that information you mentioned earlier in the week.

John – did you find those photographs you said you had?

05
Mar
09

Potts Bats For Both Sides .. And Not Just Politically

'Love is in the air'

'Love is in the air'

For months the King of Sleaze, councillor David Potts has been obsessed with unmasking the chimp behind Mr Monkey’s Blog.

Poor old Pudgy Face – little did he know that he came within a whisker of revealing the person behind the monkey on Tuesday night when he and his male ‘friend’ enjoyed an intimate meal at  Brunnelos No 5 restaurant, above the Wheatsheaf pub in Boldon.

Mr Monkey nearly choked on his starter when The King of Sleaze and his male companion entered the restaurant. They had a couple of pre-dinner drinks before siting down for their meal. They left about an hour later but Mr Monkey couldn’t see whether they were holding hands or not.

It seems councillor Potts has alot more in common with council leader Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy than this chimp first thought – they’re both fond of faggots.

21
Feb
09

is Miss Piggy about to be spit roasted?

'Spit roast'

'Spit roast'

Miss Piggy, aka council leader Iain Malcolm has been having a few nightmares recently wondering what Mr Monkey is up to, especially since bloggers gave this mischievous ape some useful pointers of where to dig when he applied comment moderation earlier in the week – and Mr Monkey has been busy ever since.

Apparently Miss Piggy doesn’t just have an odd skeleton in his closet, he’s got a whole grave yard full and one voice he doesn’t want to hear is that of Mary Taylor – she’s got some pretty damning evidence about councillor Iain Malcolm’s hatred of the British democratic system.

Miss Piggy will be horrified to learn that this voice from his past has been whispering in Mr Monkey’s ear and that this chimp is set to reveal all, very soon.

No wonder Miss Piggy can’t sleep when there’s so many people wanting ‘spit roast’ their favourite piece of pork!

21
Jan
09

It’s Not Too Late Ed..ith

Thwarted ... Ed Malcolm.

Councillor Ed..ith Malcolm

Seems councillor Ed..ith Malcolm is down in the dumps today after learning that her his bid to become an MP has been thwarted by Mr Monkey.

Apparently Labour North decided that the only way to stop Ed..ith grabbing the seat was to impose an all women’s shortlist on Fraser Kemps Houghton and Washington East constituency.

Mr Monkey reckons Labour North will still need to keep an eye on Ed..ith though – don’t be surprised if she he suddenly has a sex change.

Lets face it, the dirty bastard already acts like an old woman so having his bollocks removed won’t make much difference.

14
Jan
09

‘Big’ Ed Malcolm and His Kilt

South Tyneside’s answer to The Chuckle Brothers, councillors Iain and Ed Malcolm seem obsessed with re-discovering their Scottish roots.

In September Mr Monkey revealed that council leader Miss Piggy, aka Iain Malcolm was partial to a bit of weekend cottaging after he bought a hideaway in Hawick in the Scottish Borders. CLICK HERE.

Not to be out done by his brother, ‘Big’ Ed Malcolm the wannabee MP for Houghton and Washington East decided to get in on the act and recently bought himself a kilt – not just in any tartan but a Clan Malcolm tartan.

When word reached the members lounge his collegaues pissed themselves laughing especially at the thought of ‘Big’ Ed in a kilt with his deformed size 3 feet stuck on the end of his short bandy legs. One senior Labour councillor who likes a wee dram reckons Ed is determined to beat Red Rumcouncillor George Elsom to the title of Twat of the Year.

But Mr Monkey reckons Ed’s purchase had more to do with winning a few extra votes in the old County Durham pit villages of the Houghton and Washington East Parliamentary constituency than his desire to rekindle his Scottish roots.

It seems this gesture could be is a last ditched attempt to persuade former miners and their families – many of whom have Scottish roots – to vote for him in the upcoming selection ballot.

21
Dec
08

Monkey Clip

As it’s nearly Christmas Mr Monkey thought it’s time he showed a little bit of Christmas spirit so he’s dedicating this week’s Monkey Clip to Council Leader Iain Malcolm – a man in denial.

CLICK HERE and enjoy.

05
Dec
08

The Top Club’s Queen of Sleaze

Who said he's gay?

Who said Iain's gay?

Mr Monkey promised to tell you the tale about Andrea from The Top Club, one of Iain Malcolm’s former associates, so here it is.

Ed Malcolm, aka Frank Sidebottom, was overheard at the Labour Conference this year saying how shocked he was that Mr Monkey alleged that his brother Miss Piggy is gay. “Him! Gay!” he was heard shouting next to the Northumbrian Water stand – “How can they say he’s gay?”

Well this stupid granny shagger must be blind as well as daft – it might explain why he keeps poking old Olive Punchion.

Although Ed might have a fair point, after all brother Iain goes to great lengths to prove just how butch he is.

Back in the old days, Iain, The Queen of Sleaze, would slow right down in his old red Rover, wind down his window and shout ‘phwoarrrr’ any lass under the age of 50.

Sometimes, after all of his council meetings had finished, he’d head over to the Top Club where he’d prop up the bar making lewd gags to this poor lass called Andrea who worked behind the bar. He’s grab any opportunity he got to try and prove he was straight, he’d make bawdy jokes to Andrea about how he’d love to take her home and bang her till she couldn’t walk. That was until she called his bluff and said ‘OK take me home then, Iain’, the poor bastard ran a mile.

He might have been horny, but it’ll have been the bouncer he was interested in, not Andrea. To make matters worse it turned out that Andrea was related to Paul Waggott – the man he helped oust from Fellgate!

Mr Monkey has looked at part of Iain’s personal life (the attempt to arrange a marriage will be kept under wraps for now). Next up will be his political life, in particularly his love of leaks and all things postal.

Mr Monkey will reveal exactly how Paul Waggott’s infamous ‘lunatics’ e.mail reached the Shields Gazette back in January. Stay tuned to find out who leaked it, authorised it, printed it and posted it, and exactly who to.

He’ll be spitting FEATHERS when Mr Monkey delves deeper into his postbox fun .. did someone say FEATHERS?

21
Nov
08

Mistress Irene Faces Competition

"Iain how many times do I have to tell you I'm in charge"

"Iain I won't tell you again I'm in charge and you'll do as I command"

South Tyneside’s head dominatrix Chief Executive, ‘Mistress’ Irene Lucas faces competition from one of her own in the race to secure the top job at Sunderland City Council.

Seems Mistress Irene is not the only one who desperately wants to leave South Tynside and sources close to the leadership of Sunderland Council have told Mr Monkey that they have received two applications from South Tyneside.

Last week Tribal Resourcing who Sunderland City Council are using as their recruitment advisers interviewed  all applicants including the ‘South Tyneside Two’ to verify details etc. They have now drawn up a short list and the successful applicants have been invited to attend a two day assessment exercise which will be held next week.

Those applicants that make it through the assessment will make the final shortlist and will be interviewed by the Personnel Committee week beginning 8th December. Full Council will then be asked to ratify the appointment on 28th January.

Mr Monkey reckons Mistress Irene will be fucked off when she learns the identity of her competitor especially as she was responsible for his/her recruitment in the first place; talk about being stabbed in the back.

As for the identity of your competitor – it shouldn’t be too difficult to work out – just find out who’s been taking odd days off over the last couple of weeks, and if you’ve both made it through to the assessment stage you’ll come face to face with each other anyhow.

But don’t worry Mistress Irene, Mr Monkey has been told who the preferred candidate is and neither of the ‘South Tyneside Two’ have more than an outside chance.

08
Nov
08

Monkey Clip

This week’s Monkey Clip is dedicated to councillor Iain Malcolm aka ‘Miss Piggy’ and the Chief Executive of South Tyneside Council, Irene Lucas – we all know how much they love each other! CLICK HERE.

01
Nov
08

Monkey Clip

It’s been a tough week for council leader Iain Malcolm.

Since news of the multi-million pound pay off to 2 former friends colleagues at Newcastle Airport broke, his role in this murky affair has come under close media scrutiny.

In addition to sitting on the main Newcastle Airport Board, councillor Iain Malcolm sat on the remuneration panel which approved the £8.5 million payout to 2 fellow board members; the former Chief Executive and Director of Finance.

This week a number of other councils who own shares in Newcastle Airport and whose members appointed Iain Malcolm to the main airport board have called for a full public investigation, councillor Malcolm’s resignation and for South Tyneside Council to be stripped of it’s lead authority role.

In a gesture of sympathy, Mr Monkey has decided to dedicate this week’s Monkey Clip to the embattled leader of South Tyneside Council, councillor Iain Malcolm.  

Although his airport problem won’t go away at least he’ll be able to console himself by having a wank relaxing whilst he watches this hunk in action.

CLICK HERE and keep the tissues handy!




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