Archive for the 'Tyne and Wear' Category

16
Feb
09

EXCLUSIVE: North East Traffic News From Mr Monkey

On Saturday Mr Monkey revealed that Johnston Press, the owners of the Gazette, had signed a deal with the UK Highways Agency to allow 323 of it’s websites to broadcast real time traffic news but it seems the people of South Tyneside are set to miss out.

Apparently the Gazette is unlikely to be adding this feature to its website because of question marks over the long term future of Britain’s oldest provincial newspaper – so this chimp thought he’d come to their rescue.

From today bloggers will by able to get up to the minute North East traffic news on Mr Monkey’s Blog by clicking on Latest Traffic News link on the side bar directly above the link to the Shields Gazette.

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27
Jan
09

Shame On You – You’re A Disgrace

Today is Holocaust Memorial Day.

Yes January 27th is the day when people throughout the world remember the victims of the Nazi Holocaust and of more recent genocides in Cambodia, Darfur, Bosnia, Rwanda, Iraq and Palestine.

Numerous ceremonies to remember the victims of these atrocities have taken place up and down the country including here in South Tyneside where each year the Mayor hosts a ceremony on behalf of the people of the borough to make the occasion.

Apparently today’s guests included a select band of children, members of the public, church goers, a few council officers, a handful of councillors and the usual band of Labour party activists – Mr Monkey is still waiting for details of these scrounging bastards but can confirm that Pat Morris and Jack Brown were seen loitering around the buffet table.

The ceremony itself apparently included several readings, recitals, a prayer, and a few words (via letters) from our local MP’s. There was also a flower laying and candle lighting ceremony.

Mr Monkey can confirm that although today’s ceremony was well attended it seems most councillors, executive directors of the council and business leaders couldn’t be bothered to turn up.

According to a source inside the town hall only 11 councillors out of a possible 54 had the decency to make an appearance, these included: councillors Alex Donaldson, John Anglin, Peter Boyack, Jim Foreman, Ahmed Khan, Jane Branley, Joan Meeks, Tom Piggot, Jimmy Sewell, Ernest Gibson and Alan Kerr.

Notable absences included the Chuckle Brothers, aka Ian and Ed Malcolm, Michael Clare, Bill Brady (Lead Member for Equality and Diversity), Tracy Dixon, Joanne Bell, Audrey McMillan, Linda Waggott, Barry Scorer, John McCabe, Jim Perry and Tom Hanson.

The King of Sleaze Tory Boy David Potts and his two stooges Wood and Millburn, all three Liberal Democrats, the two representatives of the We’ve Finally Made Our Mind Up Party Real Independents councillors Lurch and Red Rum Haram and Elsom plus their new lackey Tom Defty were all conspicuous by their absence.

Apparently the Progressives didn’t bother turning up because they still think its 1986.

Mr Monkey reckons that each and every one of you lazy bastards who couldn’t be bothered to turn up should hang your heads in shame – in the words of the King of Sleaze .. “you’re a disgrace”.

31
Dec
08

Did You Get A Monkey Card?

Remember the electronic Christmas card uploaded by Mr Monkey? CLICK HERE.

It seems that some people have started receiving their own personalised version and are not too happy about it – come on you miserable bastards where’s your festive spirit?

Mr Monkey promised to send out 100 limited edition cards to a select band of people but changed his mind and increased the quantity to 250.

People who’ve received them include:

Local councillors
Executive council officers across the Tyne and Wear region
Council leaders in Tyne and Wear
Local journalists
Editors of newspapers in Tyne and Wear and County Durham
The Board of Johnston Press
Editors of newspapers owned by Johnston press
Captain’s of industry and local business leaders
A select number of people considered by Mr Monkey to have influence in political, community, media and business circles
… and every Working Mens Club, pub and Social Club in Houghton Le Spring, Hetton Le Hole and Easington Lane.

But don’t worry if you haven’t received yours yet – there’s more on the way!