Mr Monkey overheard an interesting conversation recently about The Patron Slut of Sailors, councillor Audrey McMillan and her rehabilitation back into Miss Piggy’s, aka councillor Iain Malcolm’s inner circle.
Councillor McMillan, ‘affectionaltey’ referred to as Ugly Betty by senior Labour councillors was distraught several year’s ago when she lost the chair of the planning committee.
This had nothing to do with the fact she lost her position but had everything to do with money, especially the prospect of losing her special responsibility allowance (£8000) and all the back handers she used to get.
Mr Monkey can also confirm that she was within a whisker of joining councillor Branley’s Indy Alliance - the only thing that put her off was money – she was worried she would not be able to retain her Beacon and Bents seat.
This did not stop her spending hours on the telephone complaining about anything and everyone and telling people how the Labour party was out to get her. She also got a reputation for crying and turning the tears on for effect.
Ugly Betty has never been well liked by her colleagues – females colleagues think she’s a slapper and will shag their husbands at the drop of a hat – just ask Sue Reynolds - male colleagues treat her as an easy fuck – ask Ron Reynolds.
But the ones that despised her the most were her own ward colleagues, Bilbo Baggins, aka councillor John Anglin and Alahbama John, aka John Morris Wood.
This scheming pair and their wives conspired to keep things away from Ugly Betty and worked tirelessly behind the scenes to get her deselected. They even paid Labour party membership fees for people to join the local party out of their own pockets so that they could count on their support when it came to selection meetings. At one stage the local Beacon and Bents Labour party was closed down by Labour North for suspected fraud, corruption and maladministration.
Since Alahbama John’s defeat at the elections in May 2008, Ugly Betty has gradually sleptsquirmed her way back into the in-crowd and has become best friends with councillor Anglin Bilbo Baggins. She’s also been given the chair of the Human Resources Committee which carries a special responsibility allowance.
Apparently Miss Piggy told Ugly Betty that under his regime he’s going to wrestle the power of senior appointments away from Irene Lucas and her minions and put it back in the hands of councillors.
Mr Monkey has now learned that Miss Piggy, aka Ian Malcolm is set to complete her rehabilitation by rewarding Ugly Betty with a place in his new look cabinet in May. Miss Piggy has told his close associates that he sees her as an ideal replacement for Bill ‘the buffoon’ Brady who currently holds the Equality and Diversity portfolio – something to do with reclaiming the Asian vote and reckons Ugly Betty is loved and respected by the Bengali community in Beacon and Bents, apparently that’s what his ex female companion Julie told him.
This chimp reckons that Ugly Betty has already spent the £10,000 and will be finishing off her nose job. Apparently her arse has more meat on it these days now that it doesn’t get as much exercise so the surgeons should be able to get a full nose out of it this time.