Mr Monkey has been exposing a lot of serious shit at South Tyneside Council over the past few weeks, but it’s always nice to tone it down now and then and have a bit of fun.
This ape recalls a funny story about Miss Piggy, aka Iain Malcolm, the leader of the council.
Way back when, Malcolm was in the Boys Brigade with another lad called Neil from East Moffett Street in South Shields. Now Neil was a real ladies man, shagging women in the toilets of Oz, taking home whoever he wanted, he had it all.
Unfortunately Miss Piggy didn’t and clung to him like a piece of shit to a new trainer. Sometimes Neil was nice enough to invite Miss Piggy along to Oz for a bit of a boogie. Sadly for Piggy, it always ended the same way: within a few minutes the ladies man would be off to tap off a hot bit of totty while Iain was left to his own devices.
Did he use his ‘charm’ and chubby cheeks to go and make some new friends? Did he fuck!
He walked round and round and round upstairs in Oz unable to look anyone in the eye and without the courage to talk to anyone, just like Papa John Szymanski at a Labour booze-up.
Thing is, Iain would still be getting invited to Glitterball to this day with Neil, nailing some older pussy (a bit like Ed still does) but their friendship came to a very abrupt end.
It seems that Iain couldn’t keep his gay feelings locked up forever and promptly tried to try it on with poor Neil, who was having none of it and shunned him forever.
Try looking anyone in the eye at tomorrow’s council meeting after THAT ONE Iain.
COMING SOON: Some raunchy tales from Andrea at the Top Club!